


A Blast from the Past

by my_middle_name_is_awkward



Category: Glee RPF, StarKid Productions RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-05-20
Updated: 2013-07-20
Packaged: 2017-12-12 11:00:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 31
Words: 41,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/810828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/my_middle_name_is_awkward/pseuds/my_middle_name_is_awkward
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s the year 2009 and Starkid is really taking off with ‘A Very Potter Musical’. Chris Colfer is a student at the University of Michigan and hears about the parody, and decides to check it out, not knowing how it will change his life a great deal. He runs into Darren Criss, star of the show and they hit it off, eventually becoming boyfriends. However, Chris leaves a year after enrolling at the University of Michigan to be on a new show called ‘Glee’. So, he’s forced to leave his friends and his boyfriend behind, only to meet a few of them later on.</p><p>Things to know: Glee is delayed a year. So the first season was during 2010-2011, the second during 2011-2012, the third 2012-2013, etc. Darren will be cast in Glee, so nothing really changes in that department besides the year.</p><p>A/N: Got this idea while reading the amazing Trip and Stumble verse. It has some differences, but some similarities like Chris going to University of Michigan for writing and Darren only being bout 2 years older than him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_Chris  should’ve known that that part of his life would come back and bite him in the ass. Everything had ended so badly. He had intended on talking to his friends and his boyfriend, Darren about what magnificent thing had happened to him, but everything was ruined when someone had found out and told everyone else._

_I guess, to prevent further confusion, we should start at the beginning._

***

Chris Colfer had stuck close to himself ever since getting to Michigan. He liked to keep to himself, that’s how he had been since high school. He didn’t mind the loneliness. He preferred a pen and a notebook to write in than a friend that would later stab him in the back.

To him, everything was easier if you didn’t let anyone too close to you.

That was his way of life. He knew that if he stuck to himself, no one would bug him. They would understand it and just leave him alone.

But of course Darren Criss and the rest of the Starkids changed that.

***

Chris had been sitting in his favorite book store, reading silently at one of the tables when he heard someone clear their throat. He looked up and raised an eyebrow at the strange tiny girl that was grasping a handful of bright neon green flyers.

“Sorry for interrupting,” She smiled. “I just thought that you looked like you were really into reading,” She bit her lip and then brushed a strand of hair away from her eyes. “I was wondering if you like Harry Potter?”

Chris was still confused but he nodded. “I love Harry Potter,”

The girl’s grin widened and she took a step towards him. “That’s awesome!” She handed him one of the flyers. “Me and my group of friends are putting on a musical that we made about Harry Potter. It’s a parody, but it’s not really making fun of it, it’s just us theatre kids having fun,” Chris smiled as he read the flyer. “We’re having opening night this Friday and it’s free, so you can stop by and check it out, if you’d like,”

Chris looked up at her and smiled. “Sounds interesting,”

“Really?” She asked with a bright smile and he nodded.

“Yeah, may I ask if you’re going to be in it?” The girl chuckled and nodded.

“Yep.”

“Hermione?” He guessed and she shook her head.

“Nope, Draco Malfoy,” He gave her an amused look and she giggled. “It sounds odd, but it’s pretty funny,” He smiled.

“Well, then I’ll just have to see for myself,”

“I guess you will,” She smiled and then lifted up the flyers a little. “Well, I guess I have to go finish handing these flyers out, hope you can make it on Friday!” She smiled and gave him a little way and then started walking off. She stopped and then turned around. “My name’s Lauren by the way, feel free to cheer my name at the end,”

Chris laughed. “I’ll make sure I do, I’m Chris,”

“Well, it’s nice to meet you and I hope you can come to our show,” And with that said, she pranced off.

Chris looked down at the flyer and looked at the other details that Lauren didn’t mention. He would probably end up going, since he didn’t really have a social life.

***

Chris walked back to his dorm, clutching tightly onto his copy of ‘To Kill a Mockingbird’. It was a nice day for an October so he was walking at a leisurely pace, not in any rush to get back to his dorm, where his roommate would most likely ignore him.

He had folded the flyer and shoved it into his back pocket as he got up to leave the bookshop. And ever since he had left, the musical had been on his mind. He didn’t know anybody here (well, he knew the name of his roommate and now he kind of knew Lauren) and it might let him get him out of his dorm. He had been quite bored lately considering that he was having a writing block.

He reached his dorm room and opened the door, trying not to sigh as he saw his asshole of a roommate lying on his bed, doing God knows what on his computer.

Chris really didn’t like to judge people because of all the people that had judged him in high school, but this guy was a Grade A Douche. He had spoken to Chris once and Chris had hated him since.

He walked over and flopped onto his bed, staring at the ceiling.

Well, at least he had the musical to look forward at the end of the week.

***

Chris didn’t end up going. He had been planning on it, but he had ended up falling asleep right after he had told himself he would just relax for a few hours before the musical. He had awoken at about 8 pm, which was an hour after the musical had started.

Chris cursed his tired self and all of his classes that had exhausted him.

***

Chris was sitting at the corner table of a quiet coffee shop on campus on Saturday morning, still upset about sleeping through the musical, when he spotted Lauren walking through the door. She spotted him and after grabbing her coffee, she walked over to him.

“Mind if I sit here?” He looked at her with wide eyes, but nodded, watching as she took a seat across from him. “Whatcha working on?” She questioned, gesturing to his open notebook and pencil.

“Oh, just a short story,” He blushed. “I’m working on my creative writing major,”

“Oh, a writer,” She teased and he smiled embarrassedly and closed his notebook, pushing it to the side. “Have you always like writing or are your parents famous authors pressuring you into following in the family footsteps?” Chris laughed.

“No, I’ve always loved writing.” Chris forced a smile, trying not to think about the reason why he had started writing in the first place. He didn’t want his new friend (?) to hear all about his depressing high school experience. “So, um, how’d your show go last night?”

Lauren beamed and placed her coffee on the table. “It was a huge hit!” She then frowned. “Though I was a little upset you weren’t there,”

“Sorry, I was exhausted last night and fell asleep as soon as I got back to my dorm,” Lauren gave him a smile.

“Well, if you still want to see it, we’re putting on another performance tonight,”

“Really?” Lauren nodded. “Well, then I’ll be there,”

“Great!”

***

Chris had always liked being by himself, it gave him more time to write. But chatting with Lauren about everything and anything, he wasn’t even thinking about his short story that sat next to him on the table. He was thinking about how nice Lauren was and how they were sort of close to becoming real friends.

Chris only had a few friends in high school. He had lost touch  with them the moment he moved out to Michigan, but it wasn’t a horrible loss. They weren’t best friends. They were simply acquaintances.

So, when Lauren was telling her friend on the phone (one of her theatre friends) that she was having coffee with a friend, Chris stared at her with wide eyes. She hung up the phone and looked over at him, eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

“What?”

“We’re friends?”

She chuckled and then nodded. “I hope so, you’re sweet and you have the same kind of humor as me,” She then frowned. “Do you not want to be friends with me?”

“I do! It’s just…I didn’t have many friends back in Clovis,” Lauren threw him a sympathetic look. He used to have a lot of friends, but most of them stopped talking to him when he came out.

Would Lauren do that?

She seemed accepting…but what if she’s not?

Should he tell her know or wait?

“Listen, Lauren…” He started and then cleared his throat, knowing that if he didn’t tell her now, he would never tell her. He may want some friends so he’s not as lonely, but he didn’t want to be someone he’s not. “If we‘re going to be friends, I have to tell you something…”

“Okay…what’s up?”

“The reason why I never really had that many friends in Clovis was because I’m gay,” Lauren’s face softened and he waited with his breath caught in his throat, wondering what she would say.

“That’s horrible!” Chris looked at her with hopeful eyes and something must have clicked in her mind because she reached over and squeezed his hand. “You thought that I wouldn’t want to be friends with you anymore, didn’t you?” Chris shrugged and Lauren threw him a tiny smile. “I don’t care, Chris. I think it’s great that you didn’t hide it in order to make friends. Shows bravery,”

“Thank you,”

“I’m just telling you the truth,” She smiled and pulled her hand away from him. “Me and my friends don’t care about sexuality, we just care about people,” She shrugs.

“Well, your friends seem really nice,”

“They’re awesome,” She grinned. “After the show tonight, come find me and I’ll introduce you!”

“Are you sure…?” Lauren rolled her eyes and nodded.

“Of course, silly! My friends love meeting new people!”

“Well, alright then,” He said shyly.

***

_Chris had found out from Lauren (who he was still on good terms with considering everything that had happened) that Darren and a few other Starkids moved to L.A._

_Chris avoided their calls like the plague._

_But Darren had to ruin that by showing up on the set of Glee on a Monday morning, throwing Chris a small smile as Ryan ‘introduced’ them to each other._

_Fuck._


	2. Chapter 2

Chris went and found a seat towards the middle of the theatre and looked at the people around him. Some were holding signs saying things like “Go Joey!” or “Go Darren!” or “Bonnie is an amazing Hermione!”

Everyone knew everybody at this school…except for him.

Well, at least now he knew Lauren now.        

***

He watched as a spotlight hit the stage and showed a guy with a curly mop of hair sitting on a suitcase. Chris smiled at the notes of the Harry Potter theme being played on a guitar and watched with interest as the guy started to sing.

Sweet Jesus, his voice was like honey.

 _Underneath these stairs_ __  
I hear the sneers and feel glares of  
my cousin, my uncle and my aunt.  
  
Can’t believe how cruel they are  
and it stings my lighting scar  
to know that they’ll never ever give me what I want.  
  
I know I don’t deserve these  
stupid rules made by the Dursleys  
here on Privet drive.

Yeah, this was not going to be a waste of his time.

***

He kept his eye peeled for Lauren as more people came onto the stage and chuckled when he saw her with a blonde wig on, tiny compared to the people she was standing next to.

Chris understood why she was Draco now.

***

There was a 30 or so minute intermission after Act 1 and Chris opted to stay where he was and just flip through his phone. He seemed to be the only one in the empty theatre and he’s completely okay with that.

He’s responding to an email one of his old English teachers sent him when he hears his name being called. He looks up and smiles as he sees Lauren, still in her Malfoy outfit. She grins at him and steps off of the stage and makes her way towards him.

“Glad you came!”

“I’m glad I did too! It’s been hilarious!” Chris replied honestly.

“Well, thank you,”

“You are definitely one of my favorites! I love how you just roll around on the floor,” Lauren smiled and thanked him again. She turned towards the stage and smirked as she looked at the guy who played Harry in the play, the one that Chris found very attractive.

“Darren!” So that was Darren. It was nice to put a face to the name and a name to the face. Darren turned around, slightly startled.

“What?”

“Try not to fuck up on ‘Not Alone’!” Lauren teased and Darren huffed.

“I won’t! I wrote it!”

“You fuck up on all the songs you write!” Darren pouted and Lauren laughed.

“Shut up,” Darren stuck out his tongue and then started talking to the pianist about something. Lauren turned back tot Chris with a smirk and he was forced to tear his eyes off of the guy.

“He always flubs up the lyrics, even though he wrote most of it,”

“Really?”

“Yeah,” Lauren smiled. “I don’t know how an idiot like him can come up with amazing lyrics,” Chris chuckled.

“Lauren!” Lauren turned around and Chris looked over and saw the guy that was playing Voldemort, waving her over. “We need to rehearse our scene!” Lauren frowned.

“Be there in a minute, Walker,” He nodded and then she turned back to Chris and sighed. “Looks like I’ve gotta go,” She ruffled his hair. “I’ll introduce you to everyone after the show, ok?”

“Okay,” Chris said and watched her prance off.

***  
Chris waited nervously after the show was over. He was grabbing his sweatshirt and pulling it back on, when he felt the emotion wash over him.

He was having an anxiety attack.

He quickly finishes pulling his sweatshirt on and rushes out of the theatre. He needs to get out of the building before he starts to shake.

However, it seems like the universe was against him tonight.

He was out of the theatre, but he ran right into someone. He stumbled back, trying to catch himself. Thankfully whoever he had ran into had grabbed a hold of him, steadying him. “Sorry,” His head snapped up when he heard the smooth voice.

Darren, the guy who played Harry Potter.

“No, it’s fine, it was my fault,” Darren shook his head.

“I’m still sorry.” Darren let go of him and then grinned. “You’re Lauren’s friend, right?”

“Yeah…”

“I’m Darren,” Darren stuck out his hand and Chris hurriedly shook it.

“Chris,”

“How’d you know my last name?” Darren asked with furrowed eyebrows.

“What?” Chris asked, giving the boy a confused look.

“My name’s Darren Criss,”

“Well, my name is Chris Colfer,” Darren chuckled.

“That’s funny,” Chris forced a smile and nodded.

“Sure is,” He suddenly felt the anxiety come over him in waves and he knew he had to get out there. “Listen, it was great meeting you and you did a fantastic job, but I need to get going,” He said and rushed past Darren and down the hallway, hurrying towards the exit.

“Arent you supposed to be meeting Lauren?”

“Tell her I said I’m sorry!” He gasped out before he exited the building, panting. He sighed in relief as he felt the cool air cool him down a bit.

He should’ve known that something would happen to make him get embarrassed in front of Darren.

Things like this always happened to him.

***

 For the next week, Chris avoided Lauren all together, horribly embarrassed.

***

She caught him next Sunday though, and there was no possible way to escape. “Hey, stranger!” She exclaimed, concern in her eyes.

“Um…hi,”

“Care to tell me why I Darren said that you ran off after the show?” She crossed hr arms over her chest and Chris bit his lip, trying to think of something to say. “Did he say something to you that made you uncomfortable? Because, Darren’s an asshole most of the time and he doesn’t even realize he’s saying something offensive-“

“It…it wasn’t Darren,”

“Then what was it,”

“I…”

“Chris, you can tell me, I won’t make fun of you,”

“I know you won’t…it’s just embarrassing,” Chris drew in a shaky breath. “I kind of had a panic attack…”

“Why?”

“I’m not used to meeting people in such large groups and I was afraid that if your friends didn’t like me then…”

“Listen, it doesn’t matter what my friends think about you, I’m going to continue to hang out with you,” Lauren smiled and bumped her hip against his and linked their arms together. “Plus, I’m sure they’ll love you,”

***

_Chris remembered a lot of things about that year before he moved back to California. One of them was the many anxiety attacks he had over the course of hanging out with the Starkids, or whenever he was alone with Darren._

_Things slowly got better, but by the time he stopped having panic attacks around them, he left._

_Then they came back once reaching L.A._

_Darren and the Starkids were like his safe haven in a way. They made him feel safe and secure._


	3. Chapter 3

_Chris remembers meeting all of the Starkids like it was yesterday. Honestly, sometimes he wishes that it was yesterday and he had never ended his friendships with them. He loved his new friends from the Glee Cast, but they never knew what to do when he had panic attacks  or when he was just having an off day._

_The Starkids and the Glee cast members were opposites and sometimes that’s good, but sometimes it’s not and Chris wishes he could just go back in time._

_Sure, a majority of the Starkids now lived in his area, but he didn’t think he could be around them without sobbing at the mention of Darren’s name._

_So, he decided to just close off that part of his life, knowing full well how painful it would be._

***

Chris was glad that Lauren had told him that he wouldn’t have to meet the Starkids until he was perfectly comfortable with it. She had told him a few days after she had confronted him while they were sitting at their (now) usual coffee table.

To make him feel slightly better about the whole situation, she would tell him how fucked up some of them were. She would tell stories from years before when they first met each other, or she would talk about making the musical, causing Chris to smirk as he referenced it.

All in all, life seemed to be going pretty well.

***

That didn’t last long.

Friday night found him kicked out of his dorm. Literally. His roommate shoved him out of their room, telling him to stay somewhere else tonight because he would bringing some girl back.

Who the hell was he supposed to stay with?

This problem was solved when he was walking into his and Lauren’s coffee shop and saw Lauren sitting with a group of her friends. She noticed him and waved him over, grinning at him as he finally moved from where he had stood and walked over to the girl she was with.

“Hey, Colfer!” Lauren grinned. “What are you doing out on a night like this? I would’ve figured you’d be reading or writing or something intellectual!” Chris chuckled. The thing about his and Lauren’s newly formed friendship was that they teased each other. Like a lot.

“I got kicked out of the my dorm for the night because my asshole of a roommate decided to bring some slut home,” Lauren frowned and patted the empty seat beside her, telling Chris to sit down.

“We know how you feel, it’s happened to all of us,” Lauren patted his shoulder sympathetically. “Where are you staying tonight?”

“Dunno,” Chris shrugged. “I’ll probably find a hotel that’s close by or something,” Lauren gave him an exasperated look and when he looked over at Lauren’s friend (Jenny? Jessie?), he was shocked to find her giving him the same look. “What?”

“The hotels around this area are crap,” Lauren’s friend told him.

“She’s right,” Lauren then smiled. “You can stay at mine and Jaime’s apartment!” Jaime! That’s what her name was. Lauren looked over at her friend, making sure this was okay.

“Yeah, we don’t mind!” Jaime smiled. “don’t want you to end up on the streets tonight!”

“You…you don’t even know me,” Jaime shrugged and smiled at him.

“I’ve been in your position before. In my freshman year of college I was rooming with the school slut.” She said with a grimace. “I saw more of Lauren’s dorm than my own,”

“After that, we decided to get an apartment.” Lauren added. “We have an extr room, so you can stay in there tonight,”

“I don’t want to intrude-“

“And you want to spend the money you need for food on a hotel?” Lauren questioned, giving him a stern look. “You’re staying with us tonight,”

***

That night, Chris gained another friend.

***

He started hanging out with Lauren and Jaime a lot after that. They were the first real friends he really had and he’ll admit that it’s nice to have someone be there for him.

He felt bad though. He still hadn’t met their friends and he could tell they wanted t introduce him.

***

A few days later, Chris met them for lunch and told them that he would meet the rest of the Starkids now.

And that’s how he finds himself at a party in an unknown apartment, sipping on a glass of water, which everyone thinks is vodka.

***

He’s about an hour into the party and he’s been introduced to everyone there (the two Joes, the two Brians, the brothers Nick and Matt, Meredith, Dylan, Jim, and Bonnie), and now he’s currently sitting in the corner, watch the group act like idiots.

Chris jumped slightly when he heard the front door burst open, revealing two guys, one he realized was Darren and the other was the guy who played Ron in AVPM.

“Sorry, we’re late!” ‘Ron’ shouted “But we brought more beer!!” Everyone cheered and Chris took another sip of his water, messing with the sleeve of his shirt.

Lauren stumbled over to him and wrapped her thin arm around his shoulders. “More people for you to meet!”

“You know, I think I might head out,” Chris said, clearing his throat awkwardly.

Lauren pouted and shook her head. “You can’t leave! Darren’s the life of the party!”

“I’m sure he is, but I have a lot of homework to do tomorrow and I have job interviews-“

“Chrisy-poo! Stay for a little longer!” Chris sighed and Lauren pouted. “Please?”

“Lauren-“

 “Hey! Lopez!” Chris and Lauren both looked over at ‘Ron’ who was walking over to them.

“What, Richter?” Richter (?) gave her a glare.

“I was bringing you a bear before everyone else drank them, but whatever, I can drink it-“

“No, give it!” Lauren exclaimed and grabbed the beer bottle and started chugging it. She took it away from her mouth and swallowed before looking at Chris. “Chris, this is Joey, Joey, this is Chris!”

Shit, another Joe!

“Nice to meet ya man, we’ve heard a lot about you!” Chris smiled and took his outstretched hand, shaking it.

“Nice to meet you too,” They pulled their hands away from each other and then Joey threw him another smile and then was pulled off by one of the Brians. Lauren nudged him and the tapped his nose.

“I’ll be back, I have to go to the bathroom! Don’t leave though!” Chris sighed, but nodded and watched her prance off. He took another sip of his water, actually glad that he was left alone again.

He was used to being by himself. Everything was just easier that way.

“Hey!” Someone chirped, causing Chris to jump again. He looked over to his right and forced a smile when he saw Darren walking over to him. “I was wondering when I would see you again!” Darren plopped down next to him on the wooden chair. “Chris, right?”

“Yeah,” Chris said, shifting awkwardly in his chair.

“Listen, that night when you ran off, I’m sorry if I said something that made you uncomfortable, people say that I do that a lot-“ Chris shook his head quickly, and swirled his water around in his cup.

“You didn’t say anything wrong…I just wasn’t feeling well,” Chris said because, it wasn’t the full truth, but it also wasn’t a total lie.

“Oh well, that sucks,” Chris nodded and took another sip of his water.  “I hope you don’t mind me sitting here,” Chris shook his head. “Jaime told me you were here just sitting in the corner, figured you could use some company,”

Chris threw him a smile, swirling his water around again. “Well, that’s nice of you,” Darren beamed and then his eyes locked on Chris’ drink.

“You might fool everyone else, because they’re drunk off their asses, but I know that you’re just drinking water,” Chris felt his cheeks heat up and Darren clearly saw because he quickly added “I’ve done it too. Sometimes I just don’t feel like drinking,”

“It’s not that I don’t feel like it, I just don’t want you guys to get in trouble for letting someone underage drink,”

“Well, that’s awfully considerate,” Darren smiled and took a sip of whatever he was drinking.

“Just made two friends, don’t want them to hate me so quickly,”

“I’m going to assume those friends you’re talking about are Lauren and Jaime,” Chris nodded. “Well, in that case, now you have 3 friends!” Chris sent him a weird look. “What?”

“You’re very…odd.”

“In a good way?”

Chris smiled softly as he lifted the cup to his mouth. “Actually yes,”

***

_That night was one of Chris’ favorite moments about Michigan. He had ended up chatting with Darren (the only other sober person there) for the rest of the night. He had ended up getting dropped off at his dorm at like 2am by Darren, causing his roommate to be pissed at him._

_He would’ve never believed himself if he had been told that he would end up falling in love with that guy and having that guy fall in love with him too._

_But he would’ve never believed someone if they told him that he and Darren would break up._

_And look how that turned out._


	4. Chapter 4

_Besides Darren, Chris was always closet to Lauren. Things got difficult when Chris moved, but now that she was in L.A., they had started talking again, even had lunch together once._

_She’s a key part in the story of how Chris and Darren got together._

_However, we need to hurry and go through the flashbacks, because the main part of this story is how Chris and Darren broke up, and then they were brought back together by fate._

***

Chris was sitting in his and Lauren’s coffee shop at their usual table when he heard her walk in. He looked up and smirked as he saw the bags under her eyes and the frown on her face. Last night had been pretty crazy. And right now, Chris was very glad that he had only been drinking water.

“Good morning, sunshine,”

“Shut up,” Lauren grumbled as she plopped down and rested her head in her hand.

“If you’re going to be like that, I can leave. You  _were_ the one to plan this, remember?” She had called him this morning and told him that she needed coffee. So, he had gotten there early and bought their coffees, knowing that Lauren would be insanely hungover. “I also already got a coffee for you, so you should be nice,” He smirked and handed her the coffee, making her brighten.

“I love you, Chris,”

“How could you not?” He joked and then raised an eyebrow at her as she gulped down her coffee. “So…do you remember any of last night?”

“Sort of…” She groaned. “I have bits and pieces of what I think happened.”

“Do you want me to help you figure out what really happened or not?”

“I would love that,”

“Okay, tell me the first thing you remember,”

“Um…” Lauren racked her brain. “I was telling you to stay because you were being a party pooper and wanted to leave,”

Chris nodded. “That did happen. Next.”

“Uh…did I take body shots off of someone?”

“Yes, people also did body shots off of you,” Lauren’s eyes widened and Chris laughed. “It was actually quite funny.” He remembered chatting with Darren one moment and then making fun of the others the next.

It felt…easy.

They continued to talk about what had happened last night, Chris answering questions that Lauren needed to know and telling her in great detail what had happened.

“Enough about me!” Lauren smirked and took a sip of her coffee. “Tell me about your night with Darren!”

“Not much to tell,” Chris shrugged.

“Bull shit, Colfer. Darren is always the first one drunk and the last one to pass out, but at this party, which he spent talking to you, he didn’t even get buzzed.”

“Maybe he wasn’t in the mood,”

“Darren’s always in the mood for alcohol.” Lauren deadpanned and Chris chuckled. “But seriously, Darren parties…and hard, but at this party, he sat in the corner and chatted with you all night. I think he’s into you,” Chris’ eyes widened and he felt his cheeks heat up.

“What?!” He exclaimed. “Isn’t he straight?!”

Lauren chuckled. “Well…Darren’s different. He tells me all the time that he’s not into labels. He’s been with girls, but he’s had some flings with boys,”

“Flings being the key word there, Lauren,” Chris said, taking a sip of his coffee.

“He has feelings for who he decides to have feelings for.” Lauren said simply. “And I think that he has feelings for you,”

“He just met me,”

“So?” She smirked. “Love at first sight and all that shit,” She nudged his foot under the table. “How’d you feel when you first met Darren,”

“Well, I felt like I was dying because I was having an anxiety attack,” Chris said lightheartedly.

“Fine, when you first saw him,” Lauren said, a hint of concern in her eyes about how Chris could joke about that. “What was your first thought of him?”

“He’s an amazing actor and singer,”

“Bull shit,” Lauren gave him a look. “Tell me the truth.” Chris kept his mouth shut. “Seriously, I won’t tell anyone, I swear,”

Chris sighed and looked down at his coffee cup.  “Fine,” He spoke. “I thought he was cute, but I immediately stopped my thoughts because I knew he just had to be straight,” Lauren grinned brightly and reached over and squeezed his hand.

“You two are totally going to get together, just watch.”

“Lauren-“

“No, I’m serious! I have like a sixth sense about this kind of stuff!” Chris gave her a look and she smiled at him. “When I was in the 6th grade I bet my friend that our two other friends would end up together.”

“And?”

“And, they’re still together to this day,” Chris’ eyes widened.

“I don’t believe you,”

“Well you should, because I got 10 bucks off that bet!”

“If you were so sure why didn’t you bet more?”

“My friend didn’t want to,” Lauren chirped and Chris rolled his eyes. “And I’m so sure about you and Darren getting together that I would bet you 20 bucks,”

“Whoa!” Chris’ eyes widened and he gave her a sarcastic face. “That’s 10 more dollars!”

“Shut up!” Lauren laughed. “We’re college students, I can’t go around making bets for like 100 dollars!” She grinned. “So…you wanna bet on this or what?”

“Wait…you were serious?” Chris asked, eyebrows raising.

“Duh, I know it’ll happen, so why not bet?”

“Lauren, that seems-“

“Are you chicken you’re going to lose or are you scared that you’re going to win and then you’ll have Darren?”

 “Lauren-“

“Chris, seriously, it’s 20 bucks, and it spans from now until you die,”

“Lauren-“

“Please take the bet,”

“No-“

“Please?”

“No,”

“Please?!”

“No!”

“Please?!”

Chris groaned. “Fine,” She grinned and then reached across the table and they shook hands. “But I’m going to win this bet.”

“But you want to lose,” Lauren smirked and Chris rolled his eyes.

***

_Sometimes Chris is fine with losing, but sometimes he wish he would’ve won. Everything wouldn’t be this complicated in the present day._


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter that will have the present day in italics and the flashbacks in the normal.

_“Do you know him?” Lea asked, nudging Chris, causing him to break his gaze away from Darren. Who was chatting with Kevin and Jenna._

_“Um…do you remember when Glee first started and I mentioned ditching college for all this?” Lea nodded. “He went to my college,”_

_“Were you two friends?” Chris winced and at the precise moment, Darren decided to glance over at him. Chris felt his breath catch in his throat as Darren sent him a small smile (though Chris could tell it was fake). “Did you have a little crush on Mr. Dreamboat,”_

_“Had a little more than a crush,” Chris mutter, tearing his eyes away from his ex. “I was in love with him,”_

_“Oh my God!” Lea squealed and she looked at Chris apologetically as he sent her a glare. “Did he know?” She whispered and he nodded, biting his lip. “Oh my God!” she repeated and Chris elbowed her. “Right sorry,” She said as they took their place at an empty table. “Anyway, was it awkward that he knew?”_

_“No, because he felt the same way,”_

_“What?” Lea hissed and Chris was just thankful that she was at least trying to be quiet. ”Were you two an item?!”_

_“Who says item anymore?” Chris teased, obviously stalling._

_“Stop putting off the question, Colfer, were you two together?”_

_“Yes…for almost a year, but then it ended badly…”_

_“Well, he doesn’t seem to know that because he keeps smiling at you,” Lea then smirked at him. “And he’s even coming here!” Chris looked up and lost his appetite the moment he saw Darren beaming at him._

_Well, shit._

***

 Over the next few weeks, Chris hung out with the Starkids a lot. Sure, most of the time the Starkids were too drunk to even make a coherent sentence, but Darren kept him company (which Lauren kept insisting meant something).

And now, here he was, late to one of the Starkid ‘get togethers’, (for some reason, they refused to call it a party).

He figured when he walked in, everyone would already be shitfaced.

He was correct.

***

He did the same thing he usually did at these ‘not-parties’. He sat in a corner, drinking water, waiting for Darren to approach him. It always worked.

But not tonight.

He sat in the same area for hat felt like hours, when in reality it was only about 20 minutes.

 _Maybe he couldn’t make it tonight._ Chris thought to himself, looking at his water.  _That’s probably it._

***

Darren did end up showing up. But he wasn’t alone.

He had a girl hanging off of his arm, pressing against his side as if they weren’t in a semi-public place.

_Fucking wonderful._

***

Chris decided to stick around, not wanting everyone to think that he as only here for Darren. So, he hung around Jaime and Lauren, who were singing loudly, and very off-key to some Top 40 song. He laughed and even recorded some of it on his phone so he could use it for blackmail later.

But, eventually, he decided that he didn’t need to stick around and watch Darren and that girl suck each other’s faces off.

So he left.

***

As he walked back to his dorm, he tried to keep his thoughts pleasant and happy, but they kept turning bitter because of Darren’s  _friend_.

He stopped in the middle of the sidewalk when he thought of Darren’s  _friend_ and had referred to her as ‘the slut’.

He didn’t know this girl. He didn’t even know her name.

Dear God, he was jealous.

***

He didn’t sleep that night.

He just lay awake and thought about his newly developed feelings for a certain curly haired Harry Potter. He thought about how long he had had these feelings and how long he realized he had these feelings.

And he thought about how it would ruin everything.

So, he continued to toss and turn until he saw light peaking out of the window. Then, he decided to get up and start to get ready for the day.

***

By that Thursday, Chris had blown Lauren and/or Jaime off 5 to 7 times when they asked him to hang out. By now, they probably knew that something was up, but they didn’t question him when he said he was going to work on a paper or study for an upcoming test.

He was thankful for that.

***

Sadly, he had been getting next to no sleep. So, there were dark circles underneath his eyes and he looked paler than usual.

Nobody said anything until Chris was at the library, adding to one of the stories he had been working on lately.

“Whoa, Chris, you look like shit,” Chris froze and he drew in a deep breath before he looked up at the owner of that smooth voice. “No offence, of course,” Darren grinned. “But seriously, have you been getting enough sleep?” Chris simply gave him a look and then went back to writing something down in his notebook. “…Are you okay?” Darren asked carefully and Chris finally understood what Lauren had meant when she said that Darren could be an asshole when he opened his mouth. “Chris, seriously, are you alright?”

Chris snapped.

“You care now?” He hissed and Darren’s beautiful hazel eyes widened in shock. Chris’ own eyes softened and he closed his notebook and stood up. “Sorry…I-just forget it,” Chris said as he started walking away. Darren jumped up and grabbed his arm, turning Chris back around.

“No, what was that?” Darren asked and Chris yanked his arm away, hating how tingly his arm felt where Darren had touched him.

“I said forget it,” Chris snapped and walked off, hurrying so Darren couldn’t follow him.

***

That night was the first time Chris cried over a boy he was interested in.

***

He kind of shut himself off after that. He began to write more and he began to hang out with the few friends he had less and less.

He was thankful Darren had shown up with that girl. Now he could go back to the solitude that he had had before.

He would miss hanging around the Starkids though.

He would eventually get over it.

***

_Now, looking back on it, Chris didn’t think he could’ve lived without the Starkids. Everyone was so nice to him and made him feel loved, especially Darren, and it had been a nice year and a half._

_It had been a_ wonderful  _year and a half._


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reminder that italics now means flashback and regular is present.

Chris chuckled as he exited the Wardrobe trailer. Ryan had said that he was done with his scenes and he could go home. Chris had told the cast goodbye and quickly made his way to wardrobe, hurriedly taking off the dark blue suit used to film the ‘Stop! In the Name of Love/Free Your Mind’ mash up.

He was chatting with Lea, who was walking back to her trailer, also ready to head out, when he spotted someone sitting on the steps of his trailer. He stopped dead in his tracks and Lea gave him a look. “Darren,” he breathed and Lea looked over towards Chris’ trailer and nodded.

“I’ll see you later,” She hugged him tightly. “Call me if you need me,” Chris nodded and watched her walk off towards her trailer. He looked back at Darren who had noticed him and he drew in a shaky breath.

_Now or never._

He started walking and put on a tiny smile for Darren as he approached. Darren offered a small smile back and stood up, waiting patiently for him.

“Well, if it isn’t Harry Freakin’ Potter,” Chris hated the way his heart fluttered when he saw Darren beam at him, eyes bright with happiness.

“You watched it?”

“Of course,” Chris said sheepishly. “You know how fond I was of the first one, why wouldn’t I watch the sequel?”

“I just thought that I-“ He stopped himself and then ran his fingers through his hair. “Could I talk to you?”

“Isn’t that what you’re doing?”

“Somewhere more privately?” Darren looked at him with those big hazel eyes. “Please?” Chris sighed.

“Fine,” Chris brushed past him and opened the door to his trailer, stepping aside to let Darren in. Darren walked in and Chris shut the door, willing himself not to run out of it first. “So,” Chris cleared his throat. “What do you want to talk about?” Chris turned around.

“Chris, I know for a fact that you’re smarter than that,” Darren said accusingly. “You know what I want to talk about.” Darren took a step closer and Chris’ heartbeat sped up. “And I have a feeling you have some questions for me as well,”

Chris broke.

“Damn right I do!” Chris exclaimed, all of his anger and pain that had been building up inside him all day came flooding out. “Why did you have to audition for the show that I’m on?! Why did you have to show up again?!” Chris felt the back of his eyes sting with tears but he willed himself not to cry. “I’ve known that you live in L.A. since you moved over here!” Chris exclaimed. “Why do you think I haven’t contacted you?” Chris couldn’t help the stray tear that leaked out of his eye. “It’s because it hurt too damn much! And now I have to be on the same show as you-“

“You think you were hurt?” Darren asked, looking almost amused. “I wasn’t the one who moved to California after our first big fight-”

“That wasn’t our first big fight-“

“Our first big fight as a couple,” Darren said. “Our first big fight ever was about you being a drama queen!” Chris’ eyes widened and he placed his hands on his hips.

“Excuse me?”

“You fucking ignored me for weeks before you finally told me what was wrong!”

“We barely knew each other! I still don’t know you cared so much!”

“Because I liked you! And I’ve told you that!” Chris flinched and he felt his chest ache as he spoke the words that he had been waiting to say to Darren for a year now.

“You liked me? Really?” Chris asked coldly. “Because ever since I moved out here, I’ve come to realize that maybe you never really loved me at all-“

“How dare you?!” Darren burst and Chris winced in shock at the raise in his voice. He had never liked angry Darren. Which was one reason why he was glad he and Darren didn’t fight often while they were dating. “How dare you think for even a second that I didn’t love you?!” Darren clenched his teeth together. “I know that you had self esteem issues but that doesn’t give you a reason to start going around saying that I never loved you, because I loved you with all my heart!”

Chris’ eyes darkened. “You know why I had self esteem issues. You know why I was so hesitant to accept that you might have feelings for me. You know why I was so closed off.”

“You’re right! It’s because you’re so fucking afraid!” Darren shouted. “You were afraid of what was going to happen to us, so you fled. You just used ‘Glee’ as your reason to leave,”

“You think I wanted to leave?” Chris asked harshly. “I left because I thought you were going to break up with me and I wanted to save myself from hearing you actually say it! It’s why I wouldn’t answer your calls!”

Darren’s eyes widened. “Why-why didn’t you talk to me about it?”

“Because I was afraid,” Chris muttered. “You were the best thing that happened to me and I didn’t want to lose you. So, I thought that if I left before I could lose you, I’d be fine.”

“And are you?” Darren asked softly, watching as Chris let tears fall down his cheeks.

Chris shook his head. “No,” Chris reached up and wiped at his eyes. “You’re right. I was afraid. I was so afraid you would realize that I wasn’t good enough and you’d leave. So, I left before that could happen,”

“Chris-“

“Look, I really don’t want to do this right now. I’ve had a long day and I just want to go home,” Chris said, walking past Darren and grabbing his bag, slinging it over his shoulder, wanting to get out of his trailer.

“Chris, please-“

“We can talk later,” Chris said. “Please, just let me leave,” He begged and Darren nodded. Darren walked towards the door of the trailer and opened it.

“I guess I’ll see you tomorrow,”

“I guess so,” Chris said softly, watching Darren walk out.

He waited a few minutes before exiting the trailer, fully composed as he walked to his car.

He didn’t start sobbing until he was safe inside of his apartment.  


	7. Chapter 7

Chris didn’t end up falling asleep until 4 that night. Instead, he listened to his cat snore at the foot of his bed as he remembered everything about his relationship with Darren. Even when it wasn’t even a real relationship, just a friendship.

***

_“So,” Lauren eyed him skeptically over her coffee cup on Wednesday afternoon when Chris finally agreed to hang out with her and Jaime. “Darren asked about you,”_

_Chris looked down at his coffee and played with the lid. “Did he now?”_

_“Told us you freaked out on him and he wanted to know if we knew why.” Lauren gave him a look. “I had a hunch, but I just told him that I hadn’t talked to you in a few days so I wouldn’t know,” Lauren kicked him under the table, forcing him to look up. “You’re lucky I didn’t tell him what my hunch was,”_

_“And what is your hunch?”_

_“That your pissed at him for bringing that girl to the party a few weeks ago,” Chris’ eyes darkened._

_“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Chris lied and Jaime gave him a look._

_“We know you like Darren,”_

_Chris flinched. “I don’t know what made you think that,”_

_“Chris-“_

_“I don’t like him, alright?” Chris snapped and Lauren’s eyes widened as she swallowed her sip of coffee._

_“You’ve got it bad,” Chris glared at her._

_“No I don’t. I don’t like Darren,” Chris said._

_“You know what they call the river in Egypt…” Jaime started._

_“De Nile,” Lauren finished._

***

Chris’ eyes snapped open when he heard his alarm clock go off. He hadn’t known what time he had gone to bed, but he knew it was late due to the way he just wanted to fall back on his pillow and fall asleep.

But he knew he had to go to work today.

He crawled out of bed, fed Brian, and then headed towards the bathroom, trying to ignore the tightening in his chest as more seconds ticked by.

He honestly didn’t know if he was going to be able to face Darren. Especially recalling everything last night before he went to sleep and while he was asleep. He felt like curling up into a ball and sobbing his eyes out, which he hasn’t done since a few months after he moved to L.A.

He felt his stomach twist and before he knew it, he was kneeling on the floor and puking his stomach’s contents into the toilet. He let out a small sob and leaned back against his tub, calming down a little bit when he felt the cool porcelain against his back.

He waited a few minutes, hoping that he would throw up again, before flushing the toilet and walking out to his bedroom and grabbing his phone. He dialed a number and pressed the phone to his ear. He waited anxiously as the phone continued to ring.

“Chris?” Ryan Murphy’s low voice sounded through the phone. “What’s up?”

“I-I um, I’m not feeling well. I didn’t get much sleep last night and then I just got sick. Do you think I could miss today? Or, if I’m feeling better, I can come down later in the day,”

“You can miss today, Chris. You haven’t missed a day in a few months, so you’re fine. Just stay home and relax and feel better, you don’t have to come in at all today, even if you do happen to feel better,”

“Thanks, Ryan.” Chris said honestly.

“No problem, Chris, I hope you feel better,”

“Thank you,” Chris said before hanging and tossing his phone onto the bed before running off to the bathroom to vomit again. Once he was done, he flushed the toilet again and stayed on the floor of the bathroom.

He should’ve expected this. He always threw up when he was anxious.

He blamed everything on Darren.

***

Chris tried going back to bed, but really, there was no use.

So, now, here he was, lying on his bed, trying not to sob. Of course, he made himself feel worse by taking out his iPod, placing it in the doc, and then playing the EP Darren had made just last year.

He still couldn’t believe that he had bought the album on iTunes. But listening to those songs now, knowing that there was a story, most likely about him, behind all of them, just made his heart ache in longing.

He wished that he would’ve never ran away. He wished that he would’ve talked with Darren. He wished that he would’ve asked Darren to come along with him. He wished he could just go back in time and change everything so that he could still have a wonderful job and also still have his wonderful boyfriend.  

He heard his phone beep, but he didn’t move. He just lay on his side, staring at the wall, not even stopping the tears that were pouring out of his eyes.

His phone continued to beep, but he ignored it. Knowing that it was probably Lea or Amber, wondering if he was actually sick. He really didn’t want to talk to them right now, so he let all of their messages go unread and all of their voicemails unheard.


	8. Chapter 8

Chris fell into a restless sleep about an hour later. He continued to toss and turn and watch on during flashbacks from when he was in Michigan.

He wanted to wake up, but it was if he couldn’t. Like the universe was forcing him to watch this over and over.

So, he just didn’t wake up until he was forced out of his sleep by a knock on the door. His eyes snapped open and he laid there for a moment, trying to figure out what was going on. There was another knock on the door and Chris groaned. He reluctantly got up, turned his iPod off, and walked towards the door.

He opened the door and he froze when he saw Darren standing in the doorway with a small smile on his face. “Hey,” Chris’ eyes darkened and he prayed that his eyes weren’t bloodshot from all the crying he had been doing.

“How the hell did you figure out where I live?” Was the first thing that came out of Chris’ mouth. He hated the way Darren winced and he felt like he should take it back, but before he could, Darren spoke.

“Lea.” Chris made a mental note to kill her tomorrow. “She mentioned that she was going to stop by here after she got done with shooting for the day, but since I didn’t have anything to do, considering that I only have scenes with you, I told her I would come check on you.”

 “I’m not a child, I don’t need someone to check up on me,” Chris said, crossing his arms over his chest.

“You don’t need to get defensive, I just wanted to see how you were feeling,” Chris glowered at the older man.

“I’m feeling just fine-“ Chris’ eyes widened and he placed one hand over his mouth and the other on his stomach before rushing off in the direction of his bathroom. He made it just in time to start puking the crackers he had eaten before he had fallen asleep.

He didn’t think anything of it when he felt a hand rubbing his back soothingly. But, once he finished emptying out the contents of his stomach, he froze.

“So…” Darren said. “What was that about you feeling fine?” Chris would’ve glared at him, but he still felt gross. So, like this morning, he sat back and leaned against the cool porcelain of the bathtub. There was a silence and then Darren sighed. “You’re not sick,” This time, Chris glared at him.

“Did you not just see me puke?” Darren shook his head and sat down across from him.

“I mean that you’re not sick because of a virus.” Chris gave him a look. “I dated you for a year, Chris, I know you throw up when you’re anxious about something.” Chris stared at him in shock.

“Y-you remembered that?”

“Of course I did.” Darren said as if it should be obvious. “I remember coming to your dorm room to pick you up for our first date and your roommate told me that you ran out of the room a few minutes earlier, looking like you were going to puke.” Chris blushed. “I also remember wanting to punch him because of the smirk he was wearing,” Chris bit his lip.

“That guy was a complete asshole,” Darren chuckled and nodded. “I hated him so much,”

“I know you did.” Darren grinned. “Every time you came over to mine and Joey’s apartment, you would complain nonstop about him,” Chris went red again. “Don’t be embarrassed, I thought it was cute and Joey happened to find it hilarious.”

“I remember,” Chris smiled. “He told me that I should be on a reality show because of all the things I can say about one person behind their back,” Chris chuckled softly. “I didn’t know if it was a compliment or an insult,”

Darren laughed and leaned against the wall, looking over at Chris. “I really did love you,” Chris blinked at him and forced a smile.

“I know,” Chris stretched his legs out and looked down at his hands that were folded in his lap. “I just wanted a reason to be mad at you,”

“Why?”

“Because everything that happened was because of me,” Darren looked at him in shock.

“Chris, it was both of our faults. I shouldn’t have gotten mad when I heard about you getting the part. I shouldn’t have let you go easily,”

“Well, I didn’t make it easy. I didn’t answer your calls and I didn’t talk to anybody else.” Chris looked up at him with tears in his eyes. “I’m so sorry, Dare,” Darren’s eyes softened and Chris had to look away before he let his ex-boyfriend see him cry. Darren was about to say something, but Chris promptly sat up and leaned over the toilet again, throwing up whatever was left in his stomach. Darren frowned and moved over to sit by Chris, rubbing his back in comfort.

“You just need to calm down, Chris. You’re working yourself up,”

This didn’t help though, this only made more tears slip out of Chris’ blue eyes and drip into the toilet. And before he knew it, Chris was remembering yet another memory of when he was in Michigan.

***

_Chris had finally found the right outfit for his first date with Darren when he felt the familiar wash of nausea. He rushed past his roommate and down towards the bathrooms on their floor, trying to hold down the nausea long enough to find a toilet._

_He threw up the moment he sank down to the floor. He made sure that he kept his outfit spotless, not wanting to have to change yet again._

_Once he was finished, he flushed the toilet and leaned against the stall of the bathroom. He let out a frustrated sigh and ran a hand through his hair. “Chris?” Chris’ head snapped up and he held back a groan when he saw Darren standing in front of him wearing a pair of nice, dark wash jeans and a gray t-shirt with a nice looking red flannel over it. “Are you alright?”_

_Chris felt the wave of nausea sweep over him again and he leaned over and threw up again. But this time, Darren started rubbing his back soothingly. Chris finally finished and he flushed the toilet again before turning to look at Darren, face red from embarrassment and the anxiety._

_“We can put the date off. I can clearly tell your sick,” Chris shook his head and pulled his legs up to his chest and rested his head on his knees as he wrapped his arms around his shins._

_“I’m not sick…”_

_“Chris, I just saw you throw up. It’s fine, we can do the date when you’re feeling better,”_

_“No, Darren,” Chris said softly. “I’m not sick…I just have anxiety.” He glanced at Darren and saw him raise a triangular eyebrow, so Chris explained. “Every time I’m anxious, I throw up. It started in my freshman year of high school.” Chris squirmed under Darren’s gaze. “It really sucks and I was hoping that it wouldn’t happen tonight because I must seem like a freak to you and I just want this date to go perfectly because I really like you-“ Chris stopped and leaned back over the toilet bowl, emptying more of his stomach. Darren started rubbing his back again and then he kissed his hair softly._

_“You just need to calm down, Chris. You’re working yourself up,” Darren spoke into his ear. “It’s just me. You don’t need to be nervous or anxious, this date is going to be perfect.” Chris finished throwing up and he looked at Darren in shock._

_“You still want to go on a date with me,” Darren grinned._

_“Of course I do, don’t be ridiculous,” Chris smiled softly._

***

“Hey, hey, hey, why are you crying?” Darren asked after Chris was finished and Chris simply shook his head and buried his face in his hands. He let out a muffled sob and brought his knees up to his chest. Darren moved over and sat beside him, carefully wrapping an arm around his shoulder in comfort. “It’s just me.” Chris let out another sob.

“If you’re trying to make me feel bad, it’s w-working,” Chris mumbled as he wiped his tears.

“What are you talking about?”

“You’re acting like nothing’s happened!” Chris cried. “You’re joking around with me like you used to. You’re calming me down like you used to. You’re saying the exact same things and it’s making hate myself for letting you go.” Chris let out yet another sob and Darren held him tighter, shocked when Chris collapsed against his chest.

“Chris, it’s alright, please just calm down.” Chris brought a hand up and rested it on Darren’s chest, holding onto his shirt material tightly. “I’m not trying to make you feel bad, I’m trying to make you feel better,”

“But you shouldn’t.” Chris whispered. “I was awful to you,”

“We were awful to each other, but that was a year ago. We’ve grown up since then,” Chris sent him a smirk. “What?”

“You always told me that you would get your hair cut in a few years, and you did,” Darren reached up and ruffled his hair.

“I actually cut it before auditioning for Glee,” Chris smiled. “Thought it might make you laugh,”

“Well it does, considering that last time I saw you, you had an afro,”

“It wasn’t an afro!”

“Oh! My bad,  _borderline_ afro, Dare,” Darren chuckled and Chris grinned. “I’ve missed you,”

Darren smiled back at him. “I’ve missed you too,” He shrugged slightly. “One of the reasons why I auditioned,”

Chris couldn’t help the small smile that tugged at his lips. “It may not have seemed like it, but I really was happy to see you,”

“I’m glad,” Darren smiled and then stuck out his hand. “So…friends?” Chris looked down at Darren’s hand and then back up at his face. He grinned and took Darren’s hand before pulling him into a hug.

“Friends,”


	9. Chapter 9

“You don’t have to stay you know,” Chris said as they sat down on the living room couch.

“I want to.” Darren smiled. “Plus we have a lot to catch up on,” Chris smiled and nodded.

“You go first. Tell me what brought you out to L.A.”

“Not a lot of acting jobs in Michigan,” Chris nodded and leaned his head on the back of the couch, watching Darren as he talked. “So, Joey and I decided to move out here,”

“So you still live with Joey?” Chris quirked an eyebrow and Darren smiled and nodded.

“He’s the Ron to my Harry, Chris, he’s my best friend,” Chris laughed at the reference. “Speaking of, A Very Potter Musical, when did you watch the sequel?” Chris blushed and looked down.

“When it first came out,”

“Seriously?”

“Of course. I wasn’t going to wait much longer for it! I couldn’t believe that there was a second one!”

“There’s probably going to be a third one as well,” Chris’ eyes widened and he stared at Darren in shock.

“Shut up,”

“What?” Darren laughed.

“Are you lying to me, because I swear t God, Darren Everett Criss, I will kill you-“

“I’m not lying. Nick and Matt are working on it,” Chris just stared at him, shock evident on his face. “What?”

“You don’t understand. I was there from the beginning, and not just for Youtube. I was in the audience,”

“Well, not from the beginning, you fell asleep and you missed the opening night,”

“Hey! I was planning on going!” Chris frowned and Darren chuckled.

“I know.”

“Plus, that musical got me friends. I doubt Lauren would’ve ever talked to me if she hadn’t been handing out flyers,” Darren smiled sympathetically, knowing that Chris didn’t have many friends before the Starkids. “Stop looking sorry for me!” Chris exclaimed. “I’m sure those people who bullied me are feeling bad about it now,” Chris smirked and started playing with the loose strings on his pajama pants as Darren smiled softly at him.

“I’m sure they are,” Darren sighed. “I am really proud of you.” Chris glanced up, a look of shock on his face. “We all were. When we first saw the pilot, we just talked about how we knew you would make it somehow. Sure, most of us thought you would be a writer first, but you’re still successful,”

“Well, it’s nice to know that even though I up and left that I still had your support,”

“Chris, we had a viewing party,” Chris looked at him with a disbelieving expression and Darren laughed. “I’m no t kidding. It was like our usual parties except we didn’t get drunk until after we watched all of the episode. Wanted to be physically and mentally there for you, buddy,” Chris tried to hold back a wince. “What’s wrong?” Chris bit his lip and looked back down at his lap. “Chris, come on, you used to tell me everything,”

Chris sighed. “It’s just weird…we dated each other for so long and now we’re just friends again…”

“Well, it’s not going to be exactly the same, that’s for sure, but it’ll be nice to be able to talk to you about things again,”

Chris forced a smile and nodded. “I guess it will be nice,” He then glared at Darren. “But I swear to God if you start wanting dating advice, I will slap you,”

Darren laughed. “I’ll keep that in mind,”

“Good,”

***

Chris didn’t know why it hurt so much. They were just acting like nothing had happened. Lounging on Chris’ couch as they watched ‘Mulan’, which was still one of Darren’s favorite Disney movies. It shouldn’t be weird. They were just friends. He and Darren had wiped the slate clean.

But maybe that’s what was wrong. It was like they took their past, put it in a box and burnt it. Never to be seen again.

Chris remembered when Darren told him that something like this would never happen.

***

_Chris and Darren lay in Darren’s bed on the night of their anniversary. Joey had told them they he would sleep over at Nick and Matt’s so they should use that to their advantage. Which they had. Again and again._

_“I can’t believe it’s been one year,” Chris muttered as he nuzzled his head into the crook of Darren’s neck._

_“You know what they say, time flies when you’re in love,”_

_“Darren, it’s ‘time flies when you’re having fun’.”_

_“Same thing, isn’t it?” Chris chuckled and placed a small kiss on Darren’s neck. “Why are you laughing?” Darren pouted, causing Chris to start chuckling again._

_“You’re a dork,”_

_“Hey, you’ve put up with me this long, haven’t you?” Chris smiled and brought himself closer to Darren._

_“I love you,”_

_“I love you too, Chris,” Chris adjusted himself so his head was resting on Darren’s chest and simply breathed in his scent._

_“Hey, Dare?”_

_“Yeah?”_

_“I want you to promise me something,”_

_“Anything,”_

_“Promise me that if we ever break up, you won’t ever forget about what we have right now,”_

_“I can do better,” Chris adjusted himself again to look up at Darren, his chin rested on his chest. “I promise, if we ever break up, that I won’t act like I forgot about our relationship,”_

_“What do you mean?”_

_“Say we break up,” Chris frowned and Darren kissed his forehead. “If we decide to stay friends, which I hope we do because I don’t think I could live without you,” Chris smiled. “then, I won’t act like we never dated,”_

_“I’m glad. I wouldn’t want you to forget all about our awesome sex life” Chris smirked and Darren let out a loud laugh._

_“I remember when you would just blush at the word sex.”_

_“Shut up!” Chris blushed._

_“Hey, kind of like that!” Chris laughed straddled Darren. Darren’s eyes widened and darkened slightly._

_“Would you like to continue to look back on the past, or would you like to take advantage of your empty apartment?” Darren licked his lips._

_“The second one,” Chris smirked and bent down, kissing along his boyfriend’s jaw line, nipping every now and then. “Hey Chris?”_

_“Too much talking,” Chris muttered and Darren chuckled._

_“Please, just listen, this will only take a second,” Chris huffed and stopped what he was doing to look at Darren._

_“Yes?”_

_“Um…well I’ve been thinking and since we’re both planning to come back next year for college, why don’t we get a place together…?” Chris’ eyes widened. “We don’t have to…I just thought it would be nice and it would be easy because you’re always over here and you always mention how you hate the dorms and how you hate your roommate-“ Chris never got to hear what Darren was going to say after that because he cut him off by pressing their lips together. Darren gasped in surprise, but his arms found their way around Chris’ waist._

_“That sounds amazing, Dare,” Chris breathed a few moments after they pulled away._

***

As Chris thought back on that moment, he couldn’t help but smile, but his smile quickly turned into a frown once he realized that there was a ticking time bomb just waiting for the right moment to blow up and ruin their relationship.

A year later, they would be broken up, Chris would be in L.A. and Darren would still be in Michigan.

And now, reunited and watching Disney movies in Chris’ apartment, as if nothing had changed, the only thing Chris could think about was that Darren had broken his promise.  


	10. Chapter 10

Hey, Colfer!” Chris looked around as he got out of his car and smirked when he saw his two best friends Ashley Fink and Amber Riley walking towards him. He shut his car door, making sure to lock it before walking over to them and letting each one link one of their arms through his.

“So, Colfer, we heard that you’ve been telling Lea more dirt than you’ve been telling us,” Chris sighed, knowing that by being gone yesterday he would miss monitoring Lea on who she told what to.

“No, ‘Good morning, Chris!’ No ‘Are you feeling any better, Chris’?” Chris scoffed. “Some best friends you two are,”

“Shut up, we’re not the bad best friends in this situation,” Amber said, giving him a look.

“I don’t have any idea what you’re talking about,”

“Don’t play dumb, Chris,” Ashley said sternly. “Lea told us all about how you and the new guy used to have a thing,”

“Actually, Ash, it seemed like it was a little more than a thing,” Amber winked and Chris groaned.

“What exactly did she tell you?”

“Only that you dated him and that you had a messy break up,”

“Well, good, that’s all you need to know,” Chris pulled his arms away from theirs and started walking towards his trailer, but Amber grabbed his bicep and pulled him back.

“Nice try, but you’re not going anywhere until you tell us what the hell is going on,” Chris sighed and then reluctantly let them drag him to his trailer, where Amber shut the door and Ashley forced him to sit down on the couch.

“Spill,”

“Okay…Darren was the ex-boyfriend I’ve mentioned before,”

“The one that you had before you moved to L.A.?” Chris nodded.

“Wait-he’s the ex that you had when you got the role for Kurt and you just up and moved here?”

“He’s my only ex.”

“Damn, Chris, he’s hot,” Chris chuckled, turning a little red.“Aww, Chris is blushing,”

“Shut up,” Chris hissed, shrugging off his jacket and throwing it over the edge of the couch.

“So…is it really tense between you two? I saw you storm out the other day after you guys were talking in your trailer,” Amber said, looking concerned.

“Everything’s good now.”

“Oh really?” Ashley raised an eyebrow.

“Yes, he came over to my apartment yesterday and made sure I was feeling okay,” Chris watched as his two friends shared a look. “What?”

“You two still got it bad for each other,”

“No we don’t. That was over a year ago,”

“Chris, he was checking on you.”

“He was checking on me just so he could have a reason to come and see me so we could work things out,”

“He just wanted to see you, Chris,”

“He wanted to make things right. You guys don’t know Darren like I do. He doesn’t like being on bad terms with people.”

“Then why’d you two go so long without speaking?”

“I didn’t answer his calls,”

“So he kept trying?” Amber raised an eyebrow, smirking.

“I’m telling you guys, he only wanted to work things out because we have to work together!” Chris exclaimed. “He’s not still in love with me!”

“But you’re still in love with him,”

“Of course I’m not! I was other him months ago!” Chris stood up and ran a hand through his hair. “I’ve got to go. I have a lot to do today. I’ll talk to you later,”

***

Chris was sitting in his chair, someone fixing up his hair, flipping through the script, making sure he had his lines memorized, when he heard a voice.

“Long time no see,” He looked up and smiled softly when he saw Darren standing near him. “Ready for our first scene together?”

“I don’t know,” Chris teased. “I’ve heard you’re a pain to work with,”

“Oh, yeah, who told you that?”

“Lauren,” Darren chuckled.

“Well, that’s Lauren,” Chris smiled.

“Well, then it seems you have better friends than I do,”

“What do you mean?”

“Lea has been talking you up all morning,” Chris looked up, shocked expression etched on his face. “Says you’re an amazing actor, which I told her I already knew,” Chris bit his lip, trying to stop the blush that was creeping up on his neck. “So, Chris Colfer still blushes,”

“And Darren Criss still points it out,”

“Why of course,” Darren smirked and Chris rolled his eyes. “Hey, don’t roll your eyes at me, Mr. Colfer,”

“You should know by now that I do what I want, Mr. Criss.”

“Oh, trust me, that’s one thing about you that I could never forget,” Chris tried to make his smile seem as real as possible, not wanting Darren to call him out on faking a smile like he did when they dated.  “Hey, what’s wrong?”

Damnit!

Chris opened his mouth to tell Darren a lie, but luckily he didn’t have to because Ryan had entered the hair and makeup trailer. “Oh, good, Darren and Chris are both here,” Darren smiled in greeting and Chris just rolled his eyes at him. “I need to discuss something with you,”

Chris just prayed Lea hadn’t told Ryan all about his and Darren’s past relationship.

“Lea told me-“ Chris let out a groan and Ryan chuckled. “I take it you know what this is about?” Chris nodded. “Mind if I continue anyway?”

“Be my guest,”

“Well, Lea told me that the two of you used to date.” Chris and Darren both nodded. “I just wanted to make sure that you two would be able to work with each other,”

“Yeah, we’re fine,” Darren replied and Chris nodded.

“We worked everything out,” Chris added and Ryan nodded.

“Now, would you two be okay if Kurt and Blaine ended up becoming a couple,” Chris tried not to let out a frustrated scream. He honestly should’ve seen this coming. Especially since Chord was cast to play Kurt’s boyfriend, but they changed that when they saw what chemistry Dianna and Chord had. God damnit!

“I’m fine with that,” Darren said and looked over at Chris, who tried to hold back a frown. Of course Darren was okay with it, he was acting like they dated for about a week before deciding it would be better to be friends. Nothing about the way he was acting showed that they dated for a year. “What about you?”

“Of course, why wouldn’t I be?” Chris forced a smile again. Ryan didn’t seem to notice that it was fake and he just smiled.

“Great. We’ll take a few episodes to build up your friendship and then, probably halfway through the season, we’ll have Kurt and Blaine get together.” Darren and Chris nod. “Chris, we’ll need you on the classroom set in 10 minutes,”

“Are we doing the scene where Puck tells Kurt to go spy?” Ryan nodded.

“Yes, and then we’ll head to the Dalton set and we’ll shoot your and Darren’s scenes,” Chris nodded and Ryan smiled. “Glad everything worked out, I was a little scared that we would have to get you a different on screen boyfriend, yet again,” Chris forced a chuckle and then Ryan said goodbye.

“What did he mean by that?”

“By what?”

“Finding you another on screen boyfriend?”

“Originally Sam was supposed to be Kurt’s boyfriend, but Chord and Dianna have this amazing chemistry.”

“Guess I should be glad for that,” Chris nodded and Darren sighed before giving him a look. “Okay, I know that something’s wrong with you. What’s the matter?”

“Nothing,” Chris lied and smiled as the hair artist finished with his hair. “Thank you,” She smiled and nodded in reply before making her way over to Darren. He sat down and watched Chris through his mirror. Chris got up and was about to walk out, but Darren’s voice stopped him.

“So, just because of our history, you don’t think that you can trust me?”  Chris tried to hold his anger and hurt in, but he couldn’t. No matter how hard he tried.

“Oh, so  _now_  we have a history?”

“What-“

Chris never heard the rest of Darren’s sentence because Chris tore the door open and stomped off, shaking his head as Ashley walked up to him, obviously planning to ask what was wrong.

He would’ve answered her, but too many things were wrong and he had a scene to shoot.


	11. Chapter 11

Chris was very glad that the scene he was doing involved him being annoyed and angry, or else he would’ve had to do thousands of takes to get it right.

He had already screwed up because he had noticed Darren over to the side, watching him. Darren was already in his Dalton uniform and his curls were gelled down like a helmet.

This only angered Chris because even in a Prep school uniform and a gel helmet, Darren still looked incredibly hot.

Mark had pulled him aside in between takes and started talking to him. “Listen, Colfer, everybody knows about you and the new guy,”

“Gee, that made me feel better,” Chris deadpanned as he messed with the hot pink boa that dangled from his neck.

“No, I promise, I’m actually going somewhere with this,” Chris rolled his eyes and Mark placed a hand on his shoulder. “I know it can be hard to work with an ex. Especially with a job like acting.” Mark sighed. “It was beyond awkward when Naya and I broke up-“

“Yeah, we all saw it,”

“Exactly, but we still had to do scenes together, and we still do,”

“How’d you do it?”

“Well, you know what I thought about while doing my scene?” Chris raised an eyebrow. “I thought about how, even though we broke up, it’s make her happy to see me succeed because we’re still good friends,”

“I-I don’t know if I can do that,” Chris said, looking down.

“Well, then…um,” Mark bit his lip and then he snapped. “I’ve got it!” Chris jumped in surprise. “Do you have any anger left from the break up?”

“A little, why?”

“Show him what he missed out on. Show him how crazy good you are at what you do,” Chris couldn’t help the small smile that tugged at his lips. “There’s a smile,” Chris rolled his eyes again and reached over, slapping Mark on the arm.

“Shut up, Salling,”

“Whatever, Colfer, you find me hilarious,” Chris chuckled. “See! You just proved my point!” Chris laughed again and Mark chuckled. “But seriously, just make him show why you left Michigan to pursue this,”

“Mark, he’s seen the show,”

“But he’s never seen it face to face.” Mark smiled. “Show him how fucking good you are, Colfer,” Chris smiled and thanked him quietly before the director told them to get in their places. Chris glanced over at Darren, locked eyes with him and stood up straighter, clenching the boa, knowing this take would be perfect.

And it was.

***

Chris didn’t say a word to Darren for the rest of the day unless it was Kurt talking to Blaine. He let himself get lost in the scene, just so he wouldn’t have to redo it and redo it and end up spending more time with his ex-boyfriend.

Darren didn’t seem to get it though. He didn’t understand that Chris  _didn’t_  want to talk to him. He didn’t even want to look at him, but alas, he couldn’t do a scene with Kurt and Blaine and not look at Darren. This was the start of their relationship.

Their relationship…Chris had thought about it ever since Ryan had brought it up. He would most likely have to kiss Darren again. He would probably have to sit there and let Darren stare at him with those ‘heart eyes’ as all the Starkids called it whenever Darren was caught staring at Chris.

***

_“Oh, dear God!” Lauren cried as she lay across her and Jaime’s couch. It was a usual Friday night, which meant, all of the Starkids who weren’t drowning in their schoolwork, would hang out at one of the other Starkids’ houses. This week it was Lauren and Jaime’s shoebox apartment. “They’re doing it again!”_

_Nobody had to question her. They all just looked over at where Darren and Chris sat. Darren was sitting on the recliner and Chris was on his lap, leaning his head on his shoulder, whispering softly in conversation. “Come on, guys! If you two get any cuter, I’ll have to go get more cavities fixed!” Walker exclaimed._

_“Hey, you don’t have a right to say anything!” Joey exclaimed. “I live with Darren and Chris is over pretty much 24/7!”_

_“That’s because my roommate’s an asshole!” Chris chimed in and Darren chuckled as he looked at his boyfriend._

_“Please stop looking at him like that!”_

_“Like what?” Darren exclaimed and Meredith snorted._

_“God, of course he doesn’t even notice,”_

_“Notice what?” Chris questioned, eyebrows furrowed._

_“Seriously?! Chris doesn’t even notice!”_

_“Notice what?” Darren repeated, getting annoyed._

_“You’re extreme heart eyes whenever you look at Chris,” Nick rolled his eyes._

_“Heart eyes?”_

_“Darren, I can literally see little hearts in your eyes whenever you look at your precious little boyfriend,” Lauren stated and Chris blushed and Darren raised an eyebrow._

_“I look at him a certain way?”_

_“Mmhmm,” Jaime hummed. “Never seen you look at someone like that, ever,”_

_“Really?” Darren asked and Chris blushed more. Everyone nodded and smirked at the couple. “Hmm, I guess that means you’re special, Colfer,” Chris smiled and shoved Darren’s shoulder._

_“Shut up,” Darren grinned and pecked him on the lips._

_“I love you,”_

_“I love you too,”_

***

**(Darren’s part of the chapter now)**

“Hey, bud!” Darren sighed and waved at his best friend as he entered his and Joey’s apartment. “How was the first day?”

“I’ve already had my first day, Joey,”

“I meant first day of filming and whatnot.” Darren shrugged, kicked off his shoes and plopped down next to him on the couch. Darren leaned his head on the back of the couch and brought his hands up to cover his face before groaning. “Rough day?”

“I would say yes, but that would be an understatement,”

“How so? Did something happen with Chris? Oh my God! Did you already get fired?!”

Darren let out a humorless chuckle. “No, Joe, I didn’t get fired,”

“So Chris then?” Darren nodded.

“What happened?”

“Ryan Murphy came in when we were getting in the hair and makeup trailer. He mentioned that Lea told him that Chris and I used to date and after that Chris just didn’t seem the same,” Darren sighed. “Then Ryan said that Blaine would probably end up as Kurt’s boyfriend and Chris just kind of shut down after that.”

“How so?”

“He just seemed upset, then I asked what was wrong and he freaked out on me,”

“What did he say?”

“I said something about him not trusting me because of our history and that’s when he snapped and said something like ‘Oh, now we have a history?’. And then he stormed out,” Darren bit his lip and stared at the ceiling. Joey frowned and patted Darren’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry man, I’m sure you two will work out your friendship soon,”

“Maybe I don’t want to work it out,” Darren muttered.

“What do you mean?”

“I know it sounds crazy since it’s been a year, but I still love him, Joey,” Joey smiled sympathetically at his best friend.

“I had a feeling. We all did actually,” Darren turned his head to look at him. “You never really tried to move on, Dare, and then you mentioned auditioning for Glee and we kind of just put it all together.”

“Am I that obvious?”

“Probably not to Chris. It took him a long time to realize that you liked him back,” Darren smiled softly at the memory.

“I just want him back, Joey,”

“I know, buddy, and I know that it’ll happen and that you two will be together for the long haul.”

Darren sighed again and pushed himself off of their old couch. “I’m gonna go to bed. I’m physically and emotionally exhausted.”

Darren trudged to his room and changed into some pajamas before falling onto his bed, shoving his face in his pillow, trying to remember what it was like to fall asleep in the same bed as Chris, wondering if he would ever be lucky enough to experience it again.  


	12. Chapter 12

Chris was laying in his bed, trying to sleep, absentmindedly brushing Brian’s fur, when he heard his phone buzz. It startled him a little and he reached over and grabbed his phone from off of his bedside table. He just prayed it had nothing to do with Darren.

Chris’ eyes widened when he read the name on his screen, eyes blinking at the brightness of his lock screen.

**Ron Weasley**

He hadn’t gotten a text from Joey Richter since the guy called and left a rather angry voicemail, telling him that he should feel awful about breaking Darren’s heart. Chris hadn’t even listened to the whole message, he deleted it a third of the way through, breaking down into sobs as he did so.

**What the hell is your problem?**

Chris stared at the screen in confusion. He hadn’t actually done anything in this situation. This time it was Darren’s fault. Chris sighed, and typed back his response.

_Well hello to you too, Joey. I’m fine, thanks for asking._

Chris turned on his side and waited for Joey to respond, and it only took a few seconds.

**Cut the crap. I want to know why you’re being so cold to Darren.**

_I have nothing to explain to you._

**Hell yeah you do, Colfer! My best friend came home all depressed and sad today and it was all because of you!**

Darren was upset? Darren was seriously upset that Chris hadn’t been talking to him? Chris shook the hopeful feeling off and tapped on his phone screen, reading the text message, before sending it.

_This time it wasn’t my fault. It’s on Darren._

**Does he even know what he did wrong?**

_He should. He promised me almost 2 years ago that he wouldn’t do something like this._

**What? Audition for the same show as you?**

_No. Act like we never dated._

**What are you talking about?**

_He…he’s been acting as if all we ever were was best friends…nothing more. Yesterday, I thought it was him just trying to go back to normal, but it’s like he’s trying to erase our relationship from his life._

**…Darren wouldn’t do that. Especially to you.**

_Well he’s doing it. He’s just acting as if we’re the best of friends and nothing happened. He promised me he wouldn’t do this, Joey. He promised me that he would always remember what we had, no matter what happened between us._

**I’ll…I’ll talk to him.**

_Just don’t. It doesn’t matter._

**Yes it does, Chris.**

_It’s not like Darren would care. He would probably just continue to act like we’ve never been anything other than friends._

**I know for a fact that he wouldn’t…**

Chris looked at his phone screen, wondering what the hell Joey was talking about. Darren doesn’t like confrontation. He wouldn’t address the problem if Joey brought it up. He’d just let it slide and continue doing what he was doing.

_How so?_

**Chris…isn’t it obvious?**

_Apparently not since I have no idea what you’re trying to say._

**Darren still loves you, Chris.**

Chris’ breath caught in his throat. What? Darren…Darren couldn’t still love him. No way. Especially with the way he’s been acting towards Chris. Darren was over him. And Chris was over Darren…right?

_This isn’t funny, Joey._

**I know. I’m being serious. Ask any of the other Starkids. He hasn’t gone on a date since you guys broke up. If he was over you, he wouldn’t have auditioned for Glee. I know that for a fact.**

_I don’t believe you. Darren doesn’t love me._

**Yes, he does.**

_I doubt it. But even if he did, it wouldn’t matter. I’m over him._

Chris drew in a shaky breath, hoping that he could keep his tears at bay. He knew that he still had feelings for Darren. He’d probably always have feelings for Darren. Darren was his first boyfriend and his first love. Nothing could change that.

**Don’t lie to yourself, Chris. What you two had doesn’t just disappear…**

Chris’ heart clenched and pulled his blankets tighter around himself before typing a response and sending it.

_Just leave it, Joey. I’m over him and he’s over me._

**I’ll bet you 20 bucks that you two will get back together by the third season of Glee.**

_Ryan doesn’t even know if Darren is going to be a recurring role for more than a few episodes._

**With chemistry like yours, he’ll stick around. Take the bet or leave it, Colfer.**

_Fine, I’ll take it. But I would just like to tell you right now that I’m going to win._

**Doubt it, but whatever.**

_Believe it or not, I’ve missed you, Richter._

**Well, I’ve missed you too, Chris.**

_I’ll talk to you later. I need to get to bed. Early morning._

**I understand. Before you go though, could you promise me that you’ll at least try to talk to Dare?**

_I don’t know, Joey…you know I don’t like to talk about my feelings…_

**Please, I just don’t like seeing Darren sad again. He cried for days after you left and he finally seemed happy again once he found out he would be on Glee with you.**

Chris didn’t realize he was crying until a tear slipped down his cheek and hit his pillow. He had made Darren cry for days after moving to L.A., he had broken Darren’s heart more than he expected and now he just felt like n awful human being.

_I’ll think about it. Goodnight, Joey. It was nice talking to you._

**You too, Chris. And I have a feeling everything will work, even if you don’t expect it to.**

If anyone asked, Chris would deny crying himself to sleep that night.


	13. Chapter 13

Chris didn’t realize that he was going to be ambushed in the parking lot. He should’ve seen it coming, but due to his lack of sleep the night before, he was too tired to even think of Darren attacking him the moment he pulled into the studio parking lot.

“Morning,” Chris jumped, clutching his shoulder bag tightly in surprise. He looked over at Darren, eyes wide. “Look, before you run away, I just want to apologize,”

“What do you mean?”

“I talked to Joey,” Chris sighed and adjusted his shoulder bag as he continued walking towards the lot.

“I told him to leave it alone,”

“Chris, you should’ve told me.” Darren said, running a hand through his hair. “Hell, I would’ve been okay with you slapping with me.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Chris tried walking past Darren, but Darren grabbed his bicep and pulled him back, turning Chris towards him.

“Yes, it does. I promised you I would never do that to you, but I did, and I didn’t even realize it.” Darren frowned. “I’m sorry, Chris. I didn’t mean to hurt you-“

Chris let out a humorless laugh. “ _You_ didn’t mean to hurt  _me_?” Darren raised an eyebrow. “Joey and I were texting last night and he told me you cried for days after I left,” Darren’s beautiful hazel eyes widened and he opened his mouth to say something, but Chris stopped him. “I thought we could be friends, but now, every time I look at you, all I’m going to think about is how I broke your heart,”

“Chris, it’s fine-“

“It’s not fine!” Chris exclaimed. “I said such horrible things to you that night and then I just left it at that! Darren I didn’t even say goodbye!”

“Chris-“

“I didn’t answer your calls or your emails or your texts. I only started talking to Lauren a few months and last night was the first time I had actually heard from Joey since he left me that angry voicemail!”

“Wait…what angry voicemail?” Darren questioned and Chris sighed.

“All of the Starkids were mad at me for leaving, but Joey was the angriest.” Chris explained. “Don’t worry about it. I only listened to half of the message,”

“How come?”

“I started bawling and knew it wouldn’t do any good to listen to the rest of it,” Chris went to walk away again, but Darren stopped him again.

“Chris, listen-“ Darren drew in a deep breath. “-it wasn’t a very happy time for either of us, let’s just remember the good times of our relationship,”

“I can’t…I can’t forget about everything that I did to you-“

“Chris, it was for the best. You followed one of your dreams and you made it big-“

“But if I had to chose between fame and you, I would choose you, Dare,” Chris said softly, staring him in the eye and Darren’s eyes softened and it looked as though he wanted to reach out and just hug Chris. “Kind of wish that I hadn’t made a rash decision and packed up all of my things. Maybe we would still be together,”

“Chris-“

“I’m sorry, Darren, but I will never be able to forget about hurting you,”

“Chris, I hurt you too, and right now, you’re only hurting me more by putting on the blame on yourself.”

“Because I’m the one to blame.” Chris said softly and Darren gripped his hand tightly.

“Then you obviously don’t remember it the way I do,”

“What do you mean?”

***

_“Dare? I’m home.”Chris said as he shut the door and locked it behind him. He placed his backpack by the door and then started searching to find his boyfriend. “Darren? You home?” He checked in the living room and when he didn’t find him, he looked in their bedroom. “There you are!” Chris smiled. “How was your day?”  Darren looked up at him, hurt and anger in his eyes as he clutched a pile of papers in his hand. “What’s wrong-“ Chris stopped, his eyes widening when he saw the writing on the papers._

Glee

Pilot

_He had heard of the new show and decided to give it a shot. He had sent in a video audition for the role of Artie, the handicapped one, but he had gotten a call and he had been told that the writers had written a role for him._

_He had told them that they would need some time to think about it and they offered to send over the script to try and convince him to join the show. He told them that that would be fine._

_And Darren had it now._

_“Were you planning on telling me that you’re moving to L.A.?”_

_“I-I wasn’t sure if I was going to go-“_

_“They wrote a role for you, Chris,” Darren said, hurt clear in his voice. “Why wouldn’t you go?”_

_“Because I want to finish college, I want to stay here with you and the rest of the Starkids,” Darren stood up and threw the script onto their bed. “Why are you so upset? You do things without telling me all the time!”_

_“I don’t do things that have to do with me leaving!”_

_“Dare-“_

_“You could’ve told me. I would’ve supported you,”_

_“I know-“_

_“Did you think that I wouldn’t? Did you think that I would try and hold you back? I know you want to become famous, Chris. I know you want to become an actor. You’ve told me so a million times.” Darren threw his hands up. “So, who am I to try and stop you?” Darren started to walk out, but Chris stopped him._

_“Darren, please just hear me out-“_

_“I thought we were closer than this, Chris,” Darren exclaimed. “I thought we could tell each other everything!”_

_“Fine!” Chris exclaimed. “The reason why I didn’t tell you was because I felt bad!”_

_“Why?!”_

_“Because you’ve been acting longer and I was just planning to be a writer! And I’m the one who gets a role on a TV show!” Darren looks at him with wide eyes._

_“So you just decide not to tell me that you’re moving because you feel sorry for me-“_

_“Just fucking listen to me, Darren!” Darren shut his mouth. “I won’t take it. I wasn’t planning on it,”_

_“Oh, so when people ask you why you didn’t take the damn job, you’re just going to say it was to stay with me?!”_

_“What the hell are you talking about?!”_

_“I know you want to go! You’re trying to guilt me into it! If you don’t go, you’ll be miserable!”_

_“I won’t be miserable because I’ll have you!” Chris exploded and Darren shook his head._

_“You want fame more than me, I know you do-“_

_“Shut up!” Chris yelled. “You don’t know what you’re talking about! I love you!”_

_“But you would also love to go back to California and be on a hit TV show!”_

_“Darren! They don’t know if it will be a hit!” Chris took a step towards his boyfriend. “Why won’t you just listen to me and stop arguing?!” Chris gritted his teeth. “You’re being a terrible boyfriend right now!”_

_“How would you know?!” Darren exclaimed. “I’m the only guy who has ever loved you!” Darren’s eyes widened the moment he realized what he said. “Chris-“_

_“You’re such a fucking asshole! You don’t have to rub that in my face! I know that already!” Chris hissed. “You’re the Alpha gay! Girls jus assume your straight, but when people look at me, they just know that I’m gay!”_

_“Chris-“_

_“And now that we’re being perfectly honest, I hate that whenever we go out or go to a party, you always let all of these girls fawn all over you!” Chris exclaimed, pain deep in his eyes. “Every time you let them, I feel like I’m not enough for you!”_

_“What the hell are you talking about, Chris?!”_

_“And the fact that you don’t even notice it, hurts the most!” Chris growled. “Why do you think I just sit in the corner during parties?!”_

_“Chris-“_

_“I’m so tired of this, Darren!”_

_“Then why don’t you just leave?! Go become famous! See if I care!” Chris took a step back, sniffling as the words that Darren spoke set in. He willed himself not to cry, but it felt as if all of his insecurities were being brought up because of Darren’s words. Maybe he wasn’t good enough. Maybe he should just leave. Maybe it would hurt less._

_“Fine,” Chris muttered. “I will. Since that’s obviously what you want.” Chris turned around, wiping at his eyes, though it didn’t do much considering how many tears were leaking out of his eyes._

_“Chris-“_

_But Chris was already gone._

***

“I told you to go,”

“You were angry,”

“But I still told you. And I know how that made you feel. I know I brought up old feelings.”

“What do you mean?” Chris bit his lip.

“By saying that, it probably seemed like you  _weren’t_ good enough. I know how long it took for you to get over your fears when we first started dating,” Darren sighed. “And then I went and brought all of that back up again,”

“I should’ve just told you,” Chris whispered and Darren shook his head.

“Chris, it’s fine, I know why you didn’t,”

“It’s not fine, Darren.” Chris breathed. “I lost the best thing that had ever happened to me.” Chris wiped at his eyes and then pulled himself away from Darren. “I have to go now, I’ll see you later,”

Chris tried to ignore how he just poured his heart out to his ex. He tried to ignore how good it felt to finally get it off his chest. He tried to ignore how good it felt to just  _talk_ with Darren again.

He tried to ignore how many old feelings came up.


	14. Chapter 14

“Is everything okay?” Chris simply sent a glare at one of his best friends. “What?” Lea asked and Chris rolled his eyes as he grabbed a bottle of water from the table of food. “Chris, seriously, what’s wrong?”

“Well, for one, everyone knows about how Darren and I used to date,” Chris glared. “Thanks for that,” He spat sarcastically.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for it to slip out!”

“Lea, you told Ryan. Are you kidding me? How does that just slip out?”

“I’m sorry, Chris,”

“Whatever.” He shook his head and took his lunch over to sit by Naya and Heather.

He knew he was being a little harsh, and honestly, he would be nicer to her if he hadn’t had the run-in with Darren this morning. It had put him in a bad mood.

Darren had tried to talk to him since and he was glad. He wasn’t in the mood for crying his eyes out again.

So, now here he was, staring at the salad he had gotten. He had been playing around with it, knowing that Naya and Heather wouldn’t question him if it looked like he was eating. He pulled out his phone and sent a text to Joey, taking a small bite of his salad after reading through the message before sending it.

_Why did you tell him?_

He pretended to listen to Heather and Naya’s conversation as he waited for a reply. He jumped slightly when he heard his phone buzz against the table.

**He deserved to know.**

_Well, you made everything worse._

Chris felt bad that he was blaming this on Joey. It was all his fault. Joey was just someone who was trying to help him and Darren work things out. But, Joey just should’ve listened when he told him to leave it alone. He should’ve left it alone when he told him that he and Darren weren’t getting back together.

**How?**

_We got into an argument this morning._

**About how he was treating you?**

_About the break up…_

**Chris…what happened?**

_He stopped me in the parking lot and mentioned that you told him. We talked about that, but then the subject changed to our break up and I tried to take the blame, but he wouldn’t let me._

**Darren loves you, Chris. Of course he’s not going to let you take all of the blame. Especially when the break up was both of you guys screwing up.**

_He doesn’t love me, Joey._

He waited anxiously for a reply. He knows he should be an awful person, liking the fact that Joey insists that Darren still loves him, but he doesn’t feel like one. He still loves Darren, it’s nice to have someone tell him that Darren still loves him too.

There were 10 minutes left of Chris’ lunch break and Joey still hadn’t texted back, so Chris just put his phone back in his pocket. He placed around with his salad some more and listened in on Heather talking about something random.

“Hey, Chris, we’ve gotta go,” Heather said a few moments later. “We’ve got a scene to shoot. Nice talking with you,” Chris forced a smile, knowing she was just being nice due to the fact that he hadn’t said anything since he sat down.

“Alright, bye guys,”

“Bye Colfer,” Naya said and smiled sympathetically. He watched as the two of them walked away and then he went back to focusing on his uneaten salad. He didn’t even notice when someone sat down next to him.

“I know you’re not eating,” Chris’ head snapped up and he blinked when he saw Darren sitting beside him. “Chris, please eat something,”

“I’m not hungry,”

“You can’t lie to me, Chris. I know you are.”

“I’m not in the mood, Criss,” Chris said harshly and Darren sighed before running a hand through his curly hair.

“Listen, Joey just texted me and said you were upset,”

“I’m not upset,”

“Chris, I know we had an argument this morning, but I want to be here for you. I want to be friends again,”

“Well, I can’t be friends with you, Darren.” Chris stood up and he grabbed his water bottle and his salad. “It hurts too much.” Chris said softly before walking off to throw his food away.

***

Darren sighed as he watched Chris walk away from him for what felt like the thousandth time. He ran a hand through his hair and pulled out his phone and then texted Joey.

_Now he says we’re not even friends…Joey, I just want to stop trying._

A response came within seconds.

**You’re his lobster, Darren.**

_Did you just make a Friends reference?_

**Yes…but I’m right. You two are meant for each other.**

_I’m beginning to doubt that. Joe, we dated in college. That doesn’t mean much._

**It does when you probably would’ve ended up married or some shit if he hadn’t left.**

_Joey…_

**We’ll talk when you get home. Try not to think about it, bud.**

“Hey, Darren,” Darren looked up and his eyes widened when he saw Mark Salling.

“Oh, hey man,”

“Look, I know that we haven’t really talked since we met a few days ago, but I just wanted to say something,”

“Go for it.”

“I’ve known Chris for a year now, and I know that you’ve known him longer and shit, but you didn’t have to see him when he first moved out here. I barely knew him and honestly didn’t work with him that much, besides the occasional scene or two, but I could tell that he was in a funk. He, ironically, was completely out of his funk when we did the ‘Funk’ episode.” Mark smiled softly. “He had been breaking out of his shell more and joined our little family, but it seems as though he’s gone back in-“

“-ever since I got here,” Darren finished and he nodded. “Right,”

“Look, I’m not saying anything against you. I don’t even know you’re guys’ story. All I know is that it affected him a lot and probably affected you just as much.” Mark sighed. “Maybe you should give him some space. We’ll all try talking to him and sooner or later he’ll warm up to you again,”

Darren nodded. “I was planning on giving him space. And it works out perfectly because I won’t be here for a few episodes. I’ll just talk to him when I get back, you know, if he’s up for it,”

“I’m sure, by then, he will be,”

Darren said his goodbyes to Mark and as he watched the man walk away, all he could think was:  _I’m not sure he will be._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn’t resist putting that Friends reference in there. It was there and I just had tot take it :P


	15. Chapter 15

Chris didn’t know what he was doing. He honestly didn’t.

If you would’ve asked him 2 weeks ago if he would text Lauren, ask her for Darren and Joey’s address so he could go over and apologize to both of them, he wouldn’t ignored you.

But here he was.

He knew that Darren was going to set tomorrow, and he didn’t want everything to be tense. So, he decided to try and put everything behind him so he wouldn’t make everyone uncomfortable. He wouldn’t make Darren uncomfortable.

Chris rang the doorbell and waited, his hands shaking slightly. He didn’t notice he was holding his breath until the door opened and he breathed a sigh of relief when it was only Joey on the other side. “Chris?”

“Um…hi, I kind of need to talk to Darren. Well, and you. So, I kind of need to talk to both of you. I would completely understand if you won’t let me because I haven’t been very nice to you-“

“Chris, you’re rambling,”

“Right,” Chris breathed. “Look, I just want to apologize.” Joey threw Chris a small smile.

“Chris, I’m not going to slam the door in your face.”

“Is Darren even here?” Joey nodded.

“We were having one of our guy nights,” Chris nodded, obviously remembering whenever Chris ended up hanging out with the girls and Darren hung out with the guys.

“I can talk to you later. I don’t want to intrude.”

“Chris, it’s fine.” Joey stepped aside and ushered Chris inside. “Darren’s been moping around for the past few weeks. He’ll be glad to see you,” Chris forced a smile and nodded. He didn’t like to think about how he had been hurting Darren. It made him uneasy.

“Joey, who was it?!” Chris couldn’t help the chuckle that come out when he followed Joey into the living room, where he saw Darren lounging on the couch, eating a piece of pizza with a pair of flannel pants and a white t-shirt on. “Joey-“ Darren stopped when he saw Chris standing in front of him, smiling softly.

“Um, hi,”

“Ch-Chris, what are you doing here?”

“I came here to apologize to you two,” Chris sighed. “I’m sorry that I was so rude and closed off. I just didn’t know how to react to seeing you guys again. It’s only been a year since I had last seen you, and it was bittersweet. I was happy to see you and get to talk to you two again, but it just brought back memories. And it hurt.” Chris shrugged, as if not knowing what to say next.

“Chris, it’s fine buddy.” Joey said, clapping him on the back. “We should’ve given you some kind of warning. Darren should have called you and told you that he got the role, and I shouldn’t have just texted you out of the blue,”

“You wouldn’t have had to if I cut off all contact with you guys.” Chris frowned.

“You had a good reason…” Darren trailed off and Chris locked eyes with him, feeling his heart break when he saw the beautiful hazel orbs fill with sadness.

“Um…” Joey said. “It seems like you two have a lot to talk about. I’ll just be in my room,” Joey walked out of the room and Chris adjusted his weight onto his right foot. He and Darren’s eyes were still locked and Chris honestly didn’t want to look away.

“If you’re just going to stand here and tell me that it was all your fault, I’m not going to listen,” Darren said and his tone was sad. “You don’t deserve all of the blame. 50, 50, Colfer,” Chris blinked at him and then smiled a little. “I’m actually glad you left,” Chris grimaced and Darren realized that he had sad something wrong. “That came out wrong! I meant that I was glad when I saw you doing something that you’re amazing at. I’m glad that someone recognized your talent. You deserve everything that has happened to you in the past year. You’re so talented.”

Chris smiled bashfully. “Well, thank you. That means a lot.”

“I actually didn’t realize how great of an actor you were until seeing the pilot.” Darren smiled. “I knew you had talent, because…well, you’re you,” Chris bit his lip and tried to calm down the blush that was forming on his cheeks. “But I didn’t know that you were so fantastic at it,”

“Not as good as you,”

“I beg to differ,”

“Darren, you took classes on acting. I didn’t.”

“That just proves you have natural talent,”

“Shut up,” Chris smiled softly. “I didn’t come here so you could compliment me,” Darren chuckled and then it was silent and Chris looked down at his shoes. “I am sorry.”

“I am too. Like Joey said, I probably should’ve given me a warning,”

“Would’ve been a little helpful,” Chris teased and he felt a pang of sadness at how easy it was to joke around with Darren.

“Can, we just try to be friends? Before we dated, I considered you one of my best friends,” Chris smiled softly. “I know a few weeks ago, you said that it hurt too much, but it hurts me to see you all the time and  _not_ be able to talk to you like I used to be able to.”

Chris sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Alright. But can we just not bring up the break up…like at all? That’s what made it hurt so much,”

“Of course,” Darren nodded. “But I’m not going to stop talking about our relationship, like I promised.” Chris smiled.

“I’m fine with that,”

“So…friends?” Darren questioned, sticking out his hand for Chris to shake. Chris smiled and grabbed his hand, pulling him into a hug instead.

“Friends,”

Chris didn’t understand how hard he was really making this on him. He would realize it in time though. 


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This take place from the filming of Special Education and A Very Glee Christmas.

“I cannot tell you how great it feels to wear pants that don’t cut off my circulation,” Chris said as he walks up to Darren in between takes. “My legs can finally breathe,”

Darren chuckled. “I honestly don’t know how you wear half of the stuff wardrobe gives you. I would probably not be able to feel my legs after like 15 minutes,”

“You get used to it,” Chris joked and Darren laughs again. “I know, soon, I’ll have to be back in those pants, so I’m cherishing these as much as possible,” Darren grinned. “And they’re so soft,”

“I know. Took a nap in them once. Wardrobe almost killed me,” Chris laughed and Darren smiled, just at the sound. “Anyway, ready to shoot your scene?”

“Sure am.” Chris said, walking along with Darren towards the Warbler Rehearsal Room set. “Ready to lip-sync my ass off,” Darren chuckled again.

“Glad to hear it,”

***

“This is weird,”

“What?”

“Not being on stage with them.” Chris said as they sat in the audience, watching as the “New Directions’ practiced their routine before they filmed it. “Though, I’m glad I didn’t have to learn those dance moves. The Warblers routines are much easier.”

“I’m sure you’ll be back up there with them in a few episodes,”

“Hey, maybe if Klaine works out, Blaine transfers and you end up there with them too,” Darren smiled.

“I wouldn’t complain,”

“I know you wouldn’t,”

***

“Chris! Darren!” Chris and Darren turned around and glanced at each other when they saw Ryan walking towards them. “I just needed to talk to you for a second,”

“What about?” Chris asked curiously.

“The next episode is the Christmas episode and you two are doing a duet. Is there any song that you really want to do?”

Chris smirked and looked over at Darren who was wearing a grin. They locked eyes and Chris knew that they were both thinking about the same thing.

***

_“Darren, the song is about date rape!”_

_“Please, Chris!” Darren pouted. “Please sing it with me!”_

_“No, that face is not going to work on me!”_

_“But you love my face,” Chris couldn’t help the chuckle that came out once hearing Darren’s comment._

_“I’m not singing that song with you,”_

_“Come on, we would make it sound so much better.” Darren nudged his boyfriend. “I know you know it,”_   

_“This may be true, but it’s still a song about date rape,”_

_“That’s a matter of opinion,” Chris raised an eyebrow and Darren smirked._

_“You’re not going to back down are you?”_

_“Nope,”_

_Chris groaned. “Fine. One time. And then we’re making cookies,”_

_“Fine by me,”_

***

_“I have got to give it to you, we did sound amazing,” Chris said as he poured the chocolate chips into the cookie dough._

_“So, can we make that a tradition?”_

_“What?”_

_“Singing that every Christmas.” Darren smiled._

_“Dare…”_

_“Come on, one day, we could be married, with kids and singing that song and our kids will wonder why we always sing it and we can just say tell them that it’s_ tradition _.”_

_Chris couldn’t help but blush. “you’re ridiculous,” Chris said, but he couldn’t help but feel tingly inside about the idea of marrying Darren and having kids with him. Chris leaned over and kissed Darren softly, before pulling away and mixing the chocolate chips around in the dough._

_“I’m taking that as a yes,” Darren said as he bumped his hip against Chris’. Chris just rolled his eyes and continued mixing._

***

“’Baby, It’s Cold Outside’ it is, then,” Ryan smiled. “Thanks boys,” Ryan nodded at them and then walked off.

“We’re going to rock this, Colfer,”

“It’s still about date rape, Criss,”

“Matter of opinion,” Darren said and Chris smiled a little, remembering how they had argued this before. “Hey, I’ll see you later. Chuck’s in town and I told him I would meet him for an early dinner,”

“Tell him I said hi,”

“Sure thing,” Darren smiled and waved. “See ya, Monday, Chris,”

“Bye,” Chris waved back, watching as Darren walked off.

They would most likely record the song on Monday or Tuesday and Chris was already dreading it. He knew he would most likely cry after they finished. He just knew it.

Chris shook off the feeling of despair and walked off towards his trailer with a sigh.

Well, if it couldn’t be Chris and Darren’s tradition, at least it could be Kurt and Blaine’s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter I know, but I feel like this is just starting to get repeative, so I want to get to Original Song, which will obviously be intense.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This take place from the filming of The Sue Sylvester Shuffle, Silly Love Songs, and Blame it on the Alcohol. Also a little bit of Comeback, I guess. They weren’t in it, so there wasn’t really a point.

“I am so pissed off!” Chris exploded as he walked onto the bleachers, towards Darren. They were about to film ‘Thriller/Heads Will Roll’, and Chris was obviously angry. “Why couldn’t they wait for me to do this mash-up?!”

Darren chuckled and patted his shoulder. “Chris, it’s fine.” Chris sighed.

“I just miss being a part of that,” Chris shrugged as if it was nothing. Darren wanted nothing more than to reach out and just hug Chris. He knew that Chris missed the others, even though he saw them every day, he knew that Chris missed filming scenes with them and being in their group numbers.

“I’m sure they miss you too,”

Chris smirked. “Of course they do, I’m amazing,” Darren chuckled and bumped his hip against Chris’.

“I completely agree. But I have to say, even though I’ll hate not working with you, that you’ll be back at McKinley before the end of the season,”

“Well, thank you, Darren, for both boosting my confidence and making me feel better,”

“You’re welcome, buddy,” Chris forced a smile. Remembering how much he always hated when Darren called him that before they started dating.

***

“Oh my god!” Chris laughed and Ashley rolled her eyes. “I’m s-sorry! B-But that performance was just perfect!”

“Shut it, Colfer,”

“Best performance all season, hands down!” Chris chuckled and Ashley rolled her eyes again.

“Have to agree with Chris, on this one, Ash,” Mark snickered and Ashley hit his arm.

“Whatever,” Ashley then smirked at Chris. “The best performance last season was definitely ‘Single Ladies’,”

Chris smirked right back at her and shrugged. “What can I say? I know what boys want,” Chris winked.

“Colfer.” Ashley growled and both Chris and Mark stood there laughing as she glowered at the two of them. “You two are horrible best friends,”

“You love us!” Mark exclaimed and Ashley snorted.

“Whatever makes you sleep at night,”

***

Chris Colfer was jealous. But he honestly didn’t have a reason to be. It’s not like this guy Darren was singing to was actually gay. He was just playing a gay character. Like everybody thought Darren was.

But the last time Chris saw that look on Darren’s face, it was aimed at him. When he and Darren lived together, they used to sing all the time. Darren sang the most though and whenever he did, they would usually be love songs and he would make Chris dance with him.

But now, here they were, filming a scene for the Valentine’s Day episode. They were in a GAP store and Darren would have to serenade a guy without a song about sex. Chris would have to go along with it, and look miserable.

He was sure that he could make it look believable.

“I’m so glad they’re letting me wear my sunglasses,” Chris forced a smile.

“I don’t know if you should be glad. They look ridiculous.” Chris teased.

“Come on, I look hot,” Darren pushed the glasses up the bridge of his nose and then struck a pose.

“And your PR wants you to seem straight,” Chris rolled his eyes. “I’m sure they’ll have a lot of fun trying to cover up your gayness,”

“Hey, you know I’m not into labels,” Darren frowned and Chris gave him a look. “What?”

“I know you’re not. It’s just kind of hard to not call you gay, especially after everything I’ve done with you,” Chris smirked and shrugged. Darren raised an eyebrow and he smiled a little.

“I was just consumed with my love for you,”

“Which doesn’t make it any less gay.” Chris retorted and Darren chuckled.

“Guess not,”

“PLACES EVERYBODY!” The director yelled out and Darren took off the glasses, giving Chris a wink before walking off.

Chris watched him walk off and then shook his head. He had to concentrate. He walked over to his started position for the number and put on his sad face. Which wasn’t that hard because he glanced over at Darren and noticed that he was getting into character. He was looking at the guy playing Jeremiah and grinning. The director yelled action and Chris started lip-syncing the acapella parts as he walked around, giving Darren sad looks.

***

Chris Colfer was jealous. Again. He honestly didn’t have a reason to be. Again. But honestly, he didn’t want to watch his ex-boyfriend and one of his best friends lock lips.

Once again, it wasn’t difficult to get into character. He started laughing, as he knew Kurt would as Lea spun the bottle and it landed on Darren. Lea acted like a drunk Rachel Berry and soon, she and Darren were kissing. Chris let his smile fall from his face and he tried his hardest to stay as Kurt-like as possible.

“Okay! I think that’s enough of that!” Lea and Darren broke away from each other and Lea gave him a sultry look before whispering her next line.

“You’re fact tastes awesome,”

Chris knows how awesome Darren’s face tastes. But, he would never get to experience that again, so he needed to get over it.

***

“Colfer! Wait up!” Chris sighed as he stopped on his way to the parking lot. He was done shooting for the day and he just wanted to go home, cuddle with his overweight cat, and eat ice-cream as he watched a Disney movie.

Ashley walked up to him and simply gave him a look. “Yes, Fink?”

“Chris, don’t act like there’s nothing wrong,”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,”

“I was on set with you today. I could see it in your eyes how upset you were when Lea and your hobbit kissed,”

“One, I’m just a fantastic actor. And two, Darren’s not my hobbit,”

“Anymore,” Ashley added. “Actually, you could also say yet, and it would still make that statement true,”

“Listen, Ash, I just want to go home,”

“No, we’re talking about this.” Ashley said sternly. “You still love that boy. It’s so obvious. You love him and you want him back,”

“But I don’t deserve to have him back.” Chris muttered.

“Oh, boo,” Ashley wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tightly. “You need to stop putting him down.”

“I hurt him so badly, Ashley. I hurt myself so badly. If we got back together, I would only be putting our hearts on the line again. And I can’t do that. To either of us.”

“Chris, you can’t stay in the past,” Ashley pulled away to look him in the eye. “You have to think of happiness before history.” Chris frowned and Ashley rubbed his arm. “What if Darren came up to right now and said he wanted you back? What would you do?”

“I would tell him that I don’t love him anymore.” Chris said and shook his head, tears falling down his pale cheeks. “It would be best for both of us,”

“You’re wrong, Chris. It would be worse for both of you,” Ashley placed a hand on his shoulder and squeezed it. “You’re going to hurt yourself and him even more if you ignore your feelings,” Ashley threw him a sympathetic look. “I’ll let you go home. Call me if you need anything,”

Chris nodded and watched her walk away before walking towards his car and climbing in.

He didn’t care how right she was. He couldn’t go down that road again.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This take place from the filming of Sexy

“Have you read the script?” Chris jumped as looked up to see Darren walking into his trailer.

“Well, hello to you too. Thank you for knocking.” Chris said sarcastically and went back to looking at his computer.

Darren rolled his eyes and walked over and sat beside him on the couch. “Have you read the script?” He repeated again and Chris sighed and looked up.

“I don’t know. Which script are we talking about?”

“The one for the next episode, obviously!” Chris gave him a look and Darren smiled smugly.

“I find it hilarious.”

“And I find your sense of humor stupid, so, I guess I’ll have to be the judge of that,” Chris placed the computer on the couch and got up and walked over to the small counter at the other end of his trailer. He picked up a stack of paper and walked back over to the couch and sat beside Darren. “Certain page?”

“Nope, just look for Kurt and Blaine.” Chris glanced at him, raising an eyebrow, but he did as he was told and started to flip through the pages until he found what he was looking for.

“Oh, we’re doing a scene with Jane. That’s awesome!”

“That’s funny, but not what I was referring to,” Chris groaned and scanned the pages again and then he looked up at Darren.

“We sing a duet together. Is that the funny part?”

Darren shakes his head and grins. “Just keep reading,”

“I’m going to hurt you,” Chris mumbles and then keeps reading. Darren knows he reads it the moment he sees Chris’ eyes bug out. “’The Warblers are going for sexy, and all of them are doing amazing at sex appeal, except for Kurt. He is making odd faces at the camera. Blaine continues to give him odd looks throughout the performance.’” Chris’ head snapped up and he glowered at his ex-boyfriend. “You didn’t.” He growled.

“Didn’t what?” Darren asked, giving him an innocent look, which Chris saw right through in an instant.

“You fucking did!” Chris sat up on his knees and grabbed the script and started hitting Darren with it repeatedly. “What the hell, Darren?!”

“Why are you asking me that?! You’re the one hitting me over the head with a script!” Chris continued to hit him and finally, Darren grabbed the script from Chris’ hands, stopping the attack. “Jesus!”

“I cannot believe you!” Chris stood up and glared at Darren as he crossed his arms over his chest.

“What?”

“You know what!”

“No, seriously, I don’t. Please tell me!”

“You told Ryan about how I used to be!”

“What do you mean?”

Chris gave him a look. “You told Ryan about how bad I was whenever it came to sex,”

“Chris, you were never bad at sex…” Chris’ eyes widened and he went bright red.

“I meant that you told him how I used to be with it. How I acted when it was brought up. How I acted when I was  _trying_  to be sexy.” Chris gritted his teeth. “What. The. Hell?”

“He asked me. I was honest. I don’t see why you’re mad,”

“Because, with other storylines, I can just play it off as Kurt! With other storylines, I know that it didn’t happen to me, so it wasn’t that humiliating! But this did happen to me!” Chris collapsed onto the couch and covered his face with his hands. He groaned and Darren scooted towards him and patted his back.

Chris looked up at him and glared and Darren immediately took his hand off of Chris’s back. “Okay…” Darren cleared his throat. “Listen, it’s not a big deal,”

“Says you. You get to be all sexy during the song. I get to-“ Chris grabbed the script and flipped back to the page. “-make faces like I have gas pains!” Chris groaned again and placed his head in his hands. “Oh dear God!”

“But you were never like that. You were always sexy, Chris. You just didn’t know how to act sexy.” Chris groaned. “Listen, I know for a fact that a million teenage girls out there find you incredibly hot.” Chris looked up at him and gave him a look that clearly told him he wasn’t helping. “Don’t believe me? Go on Tumblr.” Darren nudged him. “I’m serious. You’re sexy, Chris. I’ve told you that a million times,”

“You had to,” Chris said, standing up again. He walked towards the counter and grabbed his Diet Coke. “You were my boyfriend,”

“Chris, you’re over thinking this,” Chris tilted his head to the side, as if he was daring Darren to say something else. “You never looked like you had gas pains when you were trying to be sexy. Ryan just wants to emphasize it.”

“What did you say to Ryan, exactly?”

“That you used to be shy about sex,”

“Thanks a lot, Darren.”

“Chris, I’m sorry.”

“I’ve got a scene to shoot. I’ll talk to you later,” Chris said as he walked out of his trailer, leaving Darren behind.

***

 “Hey, Joey, could I talk to you?” Darren asked as he walked out of the kitchen and into the living room.

“Did you fuck up with Chris?” Darren’s eyes widened and Joey sighed and patted the spot next to him on the couch. “Come tell Joey all about it.”

“So, you remember how everyone kind of used to tease him about not knowing how to be sexy?” Joey nodded, raising an eyebrow. “Well, Ryan was getting ideas for the script, and so he asked me how Chris used to be about sex. I mentioned that he used to be shy and whatnot, and then in the script, Kurt has issues with being sexy and Chris is super mad at me because I told Ryan,”

“Well, Ryan asked, you couldn’t just lie,”

“I know…but Chris seemed really mad…what if he stays mad? I just got used to having him back as a friend.”

“Just see if he’s still mad tomorrow and if he is, just apologize over and over. He’ll have to forgive you to get you off his back.” Darren let out a laugh. “It’ll be fine, D.”

“I hope so,”

***

“Hey…” Darren said softly as he walked up to Chris in the parking lot the next day. “Are you still mad at me?” Chris sighed and shook his head, running a hand through his hair.

“No,” Chris said softly and then he smirked a little. “But, you better watch yourself, Criss,”

“Excuse me?”

“I’m going to get you back,”

“And how are you going to do that?” Darren smirked.

“Just you wait. I’ll get you slushied or something,” Darren raised a triangular eyebrow.

“And again, I ask, how are you going to do that? Blaine doesn’t go to McKinley.”

“I can make things happen on this show, Darren.” Chris smirked, crossing his arms over his chest. “Did you see the episode where I sang ‘Rose’s Turn’?” Darren nodded. “I suggested that.”

“One time, Colfer, you got your way one time,” Chris smiled evilly.

“Oh, I have a list of things that went my way.”

“Oh do you?” Chris hummed.

“And you getting slushied is going to be another one, just you wait.”

“Alright, Colfer. We’ll see.”

“We will indeed.”

***

Chris didn’t want to shoot the ‘Animal’ scene tomorrow. He really didn’t. It wasn’t about being humiliated at all anymore. Now it was just about how Darren would be telling him that he didn’t look sexy. Sure, he would be Blaine while he said it and Chris would be Kurt, but he couldn’t help but feel hurt at the whole concept.

Chris just wanted the time to come for Kurt and Blaine to get together. Maybe then, he would be able to cope with being friends with Darren a little better. He would get to act couple-y with Darren again, even if it wasn’t even them.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This take place from the filming of Original Song! Yay!

“Hey, Chris, can I talk to you for a second?” Chris looked up from his phone and smiled when he saw Ryan looking at him questionably.

“Sure,” Chris said, pocketing his phone and following Ryan towards his office. “What’s up?” Chris asked as they entered the room.

“Well, we just finished the script for the next episode and before you read it, I want to prepare you,”

“Oh God, did you make something happen to Burt again?” Chris asked, running a hand through his hair. Ryan chuckled and he shook his head.

“No, this is good for Kurt,”

“Well, that’s good news,” Chris crossed his arms over his chest. “What happens?”

“Pavarotti dies.” Chris gives Ryan a look and tilts his head to the side.

“So…um…don’t really know how that’s good at all…”

“I didn’t finish,” Ryan smiled. “Pavarotti dies, and then Kurt sings Blackbird, by the Beatles,”

“That’s a lot of pressure-“

“Still not done,” Chris nodded and muttered his apologies. “So, while he’s singing, Blaine realizes how he feels about Kurt, and then gives this whole speech on his feelings, and then they kiss,” Chris’ eyes widen.

“Oh. So, they’re getting together…?” Ryan nodded, grinning.

“Klaine fans will go nuts!” Ryan exclaimed. “I just wanted to tell you now so if you have any problem with kissing Darren…”

“No, no, no.” Chris said quickly. “I’ll be fine,” Chris forced a smile. “I mean, I’ve done it before, haven’t I?” Ryan chuckled and nodded.

“Of course. Just wanted to make sure.” Chris smiled.

“Well, I appreciate it, but I can handle it. Darren and I are friends,”

‘Great, well, you’ll get your script tomorrow,” Chris plastered a smile on his face.

“Great. Can’t wait to read it,” Ryan nodded and then Chris started to walk away.

“Hey, Chris, one sec,” Chris froze and turned around, hoping that whatever Ryan was going to say, it wouldn’t take long.

“Yeah?”

“For the record, I don’t think you and Darren are just friends,” Chris flinched and he hoped it wasn’t noticeable.

“Why would you say that?”

“Everything thinks it. T’s obvious by the way you look at each other,”

“It’s acting,” Chris said softly, wrapping his arms around himself.

“Off camera?” Ryan raised an eyebrow. “It’s not any of my business, I know that, but I want to see you happy and I think Darren makes you happy,”

“As a friend.” Chris breathed. “I can’t date him again,”

“Can’t? Or won’t?” Chris opened his mouth to say something, but Ryan waved him off. “You don’t have to explain anything to me.” Chris looked at Ryan with wide eyes and the older man just smiled. “I’ll talk to you later, alright?” Chris nodded and then promptly walked out of his office, biting his lip to stop the tears.

He made it back to his trailer before the water works started, and for that, he was grateful. He shut the door behind him and pulled out his phone. He went through his contacts and let out a shaky breath when he found the one he was looking for. He pressed ‘Call’ and placed the phone against his ear. 

“Hello?”

“Um, hi…It’s Chris…” He said, his voice wet with tears.

“I know, silly, Caller ID.” Chris smiled softly, glad that at least one person could cheer him up. “So, why are you calling?”

“I…I just really miss you…” Chris said bringing his legs up to his chest as he sat down on his couch.

“Stop lying. I know something’s wrong. I can hear it in your voice.” Chris sniffled. “Chris, honey, what’s wrong?”

“It’s a long story. Do…do you think that you could come over to my apartment after I get done filming for the day? I just really need to talk to someone who knows about  _everything_.”

‘Of course, sweetie.” Chris sighed in relief. “Just text me when you’re leaving set and I’ll head to your apartment.”

“Thank you,”

“No problem. Keep your head up, CC, you will be able to tell your best friend in a few hours,”

“You’re the best,”

“I know,” Chris chuckled. “Now, I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

“Okay, thank you,”

“You’re welcome,”

***

Chris was more than relieved when he realized the only scene he had to shoot today was the scene in the Lima Bean where Kurt and Blaine ran into Sue. He was glad that he wasn’t going to be alone with Darren. Jane seemed to notice this and continued to talk to both of them in between takes.

Which was perfect because Darren knew something was up with Chris and Chris didn’t want to discuss it with him.

***  

Chris waited impatiently. She would be here any second now. He was trying his hardest to hold in his tears until a few minutes after she showed up, to seem stronger than he actually was, So far, only a few tears had slipped, but at least he wasn’t full on sobbing.

There was a knock on his front door and he breathed a sigh of relief. He stood up from his spot on the couch and hurried to answer the door. He had never been so thankful than to pull that door open and see Lauren Lopez smiling softly at him.

“Hey, sweetie,” She said in a light tone. “Long time no see,”

Seeing her there, remembering all of the other things she helped him out with, made him break. His hand covered his mouth to muffle the sob.

“Oh, Chris,” She walked into the apartment, shut the door, and then embraced her old friend. “It’s okay, it’s gonna be alright,” Chris buried his face into her shoulder and let out strangled sob. “Come on, let’s go sit down, and you can tell Auntie Lauren all about it,” Chris pulled away from her slightly and nodded. She kept her arms around him, rubbing his back as they walked over to the living room and sat on the couch. “Okay, just let it out,”

Chris wiped at his eyes and leaned on the arm of the couch, bringing his legs up to his chest. He wrapped his arms around his knees and rested his chin on them.

“Can I guess?” Chris sniffled and Lauren sighed. “This has to do with that asshole Darren, right?” Chris let out a tiny laugh. “There, now we’re getting somewhere. I haven’t seen you smile for a while. I’ve missed it,” Chris looked up at her and gave her a small smile. “There it is again!” Lauren joked and she nudged her foot against Chris’. “Now, what did Darren do?”

“Nothing…that’s the problem. I…He’s not to blame,”

“Then who is?

“Well…me…and Ryan…and Lea…and Ashley…”

“Okay…Ryan Murphy, right?” Chris nodded.

“Lea Michele and Ashley Fink.”

“Why are they to blame?”

“Ashley keeps bringing up that I still have feelings for Darren. Ryan is making me kiss him. And Lea, well she kissed him, making me realize I’m still in love with him. Which is actually kind of Ryan’s fault cause it was in the script-“

“Wait, wait, wait!” Lauren said, eyes wide in shock and confusion. “You have to kiss Darren?” Chris nodded, a few tears falling down his cheeks.

“Ryan told me today. He had mentioned that our characters would be getting together. I thought I would be able to handle it…but hanging out with Darren these past few weeks has been hell.”

“How so?”

“It’s Darren!” Chris groaned, leaning his head on the back of the couch, still looking at Lauren. “He can be such an asshole sometimes. At some points, when we would be filming or just hanging out, I sincerely thought I was over him. But then, bam! He would start acting all perfect and amazing and I-“ Chris groaned again. “I want to hate him so much, Lauren,”

“I know you do, honey. But maybe…maybe you should just accept that you still love him. I know that he still loves you too-“

“Why does everybody say that?!” Chris exclaims, standing up quickly, before starting to pace. “Darren doesn’t love me!”

“Chris…calm down.” Lauren said softly. “I didn’t mean to upset you. I just honestly feel like you and Darren to work things out and you’ll be even more perfect than you were before,”

“Before I ripped both of our hearts out?” Chris asked, eyes filled with unshed tears.

“Chris…”

“Everyone thinks that if we got back together, it would all be butterflies and rainbows!” Chris exploded. “Does no one take into account that our break up was messy? Every time I look at him I just feel guilty about all of it.”

“Chris, love is never simple,” Chris sniffed.

“I know it’s not, Lauren. But love is supposed to be amazing, not whatever I’m feeling right now,” Chris collapsed back onto the couch and let Lauren rub his back.

“Chris, I love you and all, but you’re being an idiot,” Chris looked up at her and raised an eyebrow. “You and Darren were the best couple I had ever seen before you broke up. And now, you’ve had a year to grow up, find yourselves, and I think it could be even better if the two of you just gave it a try.”

Chris bit his lip and shook his head. “I can’t. What if we break up again? I don’t think I could handle that-“

“But what if you don’t break up, Chris?” Lauren rested her head on his shoulder. “You could be so happy,”

“I am happy.” Chris muttered. “I have great friends, a great job, I’m writing a book, I have a cat-“

“But you don’t have someone special to share that with,” Lauren whispered and Chris buried his head into his hands. “Chris, you can tell me you’re happy, but I’ve seen you when you were at your happiest. I still remember the day I found out about you and Darren.”

Chris chuckled a little. “You screamed.”

“And you just watched me, a dopey grin on your face,” Chris smiled slightly. “I want to see that look back on your face again,”

“I do too…” Chris mumbled.

“Do you remember how you felt that day?” Lauren asked and Chris nodded. “I was probably only feeling a fraction of your happiness and I was ecstatic.” Chris blinked back tears as he remembered that day and how perfect he felt.

***

 _Chris chuckled and tried to shove his new_ boyfriend  _away. Oh, God, it was nice to say that. “Darren…” He whined and Darren started kissing his jaw._

_“Do you really have to go?”_

_“Yeah, I promised Lauren that I would help her clean her apartment,”_

_“But it’s her apartment,” Darren complained._

_“Yes, but I stay there a lot and she lets me do it for free,” Chris laughed. “I owe it to her,”_

_“5 more minutes?” Chris smiled._

_“If I stay much longer, I won’t be able to leave,”_

_“Then stay,”_

_“Darren!” Chris squeaked as Darren started tickling him. “I need to go!”_

_“But we just got together!” Darren pouted and Chris smiled._

_“How about I come back after I finish helping Lauren?” Darren brightened._

_“Really?” Chris hummed. “Well, then you should hurry up and go help Lauren so you can finish and come back over here,” Chris grinned._

_“You’re a dork,”_

_“But now I’m your dork,” Chris couldn’t help himself. He leaned in and pressed his lips against Darren’s. He was thrilled that he could just kiss Darren now and not get questioned. “Mmm,” Darren hummed as he pulled away. “For someone who doesn’t have a lot of experience, you sure know how to kiss,”_

_“Who said that I didn’t have any experience?” Chris asked with a smirk as he reluctantly pulled away from his boyfriend._

_“Wait, what?” Darren asked with wide eyes. “You said that I was your first kiss!”_

_“You were…well at least one that counted,”_

_“Chris! Now you can’t leave! You have to tell me what you meant!” Chris grinned and shook his head. “Can I at least have a hint?”_

_“Let’s just say that I had a…phase in high school,”_

_“Chris!” Darren exclaimed._

_“I’ll tell you the story when I get back.” Chris smiled and shrugged on his jacket. “I’ll text you when I’m leaving Lauren’s,” Darren groaned._

_“Fine, I’ll see you later,”_

_“Bye,” Chris smiled and walked towards the front door. He tugged it open, smile still bright on his face. He walked out the door and was about to pull it close, when he heard Darren calling his name. Chris stopped and turned around, raising an eyebrow as Darren came running towards him._

_“You forgot something,” Chris threw him a confused look and checked his pockets to make sure he had his wallet and phone. He didn’t seem to be forgetting anything-_

_Chris didn’t get another chance to think about it, because, before he knew it, Darren had an arm wrapped around his waist and he was being pulled closer to the older man. Chris only got a second to figure out what was happened before Darren’s lips were covering his. Chris gasped a little, but his hand found Darren’s hair and he waved his fingers through the curls._

_“Wow,” Chris panted as they pulled away. “Guess I did forget something,” Darren chuckled._

_“I’ll see you later,”_

_Chris pulled away from him and beamed. “Yeah, I’ll see you later,” Chris waved one last time before walking out of Darren and Joey’s apartment and then out of the apartment complex, smile still wide on his face._

***

_“There you are!” Lauren exclaimed as she yanked the door open. Chris gave her a wide eyed look and put his hands up in surrender after he took in her crazy appearance._

_“Well, hello to you too,” Chris teased and she grabbed his arm and pulled him inside. She shut the door behind her and groaned. She was wearing a baggy t-shirt and a pair of sweats and her hair was in a messy pony-tail._

_“I suck at cleaning,” Chris looked around the apartment and threw her a smirk._

_“I can see that,” Lauren sent her friend a glare. “Sorry,”_

_“Where have you been?!“ Lauren exclaimed as she made her way to the kitchen. Chris followed her and his nose wrinkled when he took in the state the kitchen was in._

_“At Darren and Joey’s,” Lauren turned back and she no longer looked angry and frustrated. She looked guilty._

_“So…um, you talked to Darren…did he mention-“_

_“That you told him all about how I felt about him?” Lauren winced. “Yes, he did,”_

_“Sweetie, I’m so sorry! I was drunk and I lose control of what I say when I get drunk-“ Lauren stopped talking when Chris stepped over and hugged her tightly._

_“Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you!” Chris exclaimed, picking her up and spinning her around. She laughed and he placed her down, grinning._

_“So…um…I take it everything went well,”_

_Chris nodded excitedly. “I have a boyfriend now!” He grinned. She looked at him in shock and he expected her to say something, but instead, she let out a loud scream. He jumped, obviously startled and she started jumping up and down._

_“Oh my God! This is the best news ever! You and Darren are dating!”_

_“Dear God, Lauren, you’re not even in this relationship and you’re this excited,” Chris joked and she hit him._

_“I can’t help it! I’ve been living through you and Darren since I figured out you two liked each other,” Chris rolled his eyes, but kept a smile on his face._

_“I’m going to pretend you didn’t say that,” Lauren laughed and Chris took his wallet out of his pocket and pulled out 2 ten dollars bills and handed them to Lauren. “You’re 20 bucks, Lopez,”_

_“You remembered!” Lauren exclaimed and took the money. “I told you! I told you that I have a sixth sense about couples!”_

_“Fine, fine, you were right,”_

_“Damn right I was, Colfer.” Lauren winked. “Now, tell me how it happened,”_

_“Well, he texted me and he told me he needed to talk to me, so I headed over to his apartment…”_

***

_Chris smiled as he knocked on the door to Joey and Darren’s apartment. “Who is it?!” He heard Joey exclaim. He rolled his eyes and responded._

_“Chris!”_

_“Come in!” Chris grinned when he heard Darren’s voice. “It’s unlocked!” Chris opened the door, walked in and then shut it behind him._

_“I could have been a burglar,” Chris commented as he walked into the living room and sat next to Darren on the couch._

_“What kind of burglar knocks?” Joey asked and Chris shrugged._

_“A burglar who wants to throw you off,”_

_“He’s got a point,” Darren said and Joey rolled his eyes._

_“You’re just agreeing with him because he’s your_ boyfriend _,” Chris blushed a little when he saw Darren smile widely._

_“Perhaps,” Chris rolled his eyes. “And don’t act like you’re annoyed by our relationship! You were so excited when I told you!”_

_“Only because I got ten dollars out of it,” Chris raised an eyebrow._

_“Why…?”_

_“Darren and I had a bet. I bet that you two would get together and he bet you wouldn’t.”_

_“Joey,” Darren hissed. “Now he’s gonna get mad at me,” Chris looked between the two friends and then started laughing. “Wait…why are you laughing?”_

_“I bet Lauren the same thing. Though, I had to fork over 20 dollars,”_

_“Damn!” Joey exclaimed. “Should’ve bet more,” Chris snorted._

_“Wait, so you bet on us too?” Darren asked Chris and he nodded._

_“Yep. I doubted I would get any money though. Lauren was planning on going on forever. So, I probably would’ve gotten the money until I was on my death bed.”_

_“Well, now you don’t have to think about that,”_

_“But you cost me 20 dollars.” Darren kissed his cheek._

_“You’re glad you lost,” Chris smirked._

_“I don’t know, 20 bucks is a lot for a college student,” Darren nudged him and Chris just laughed._

_“God,” Joey groaned. “Why are you two already so adorable?!” Darren smirked._

_“We’re just that talented,” Darren turned towards Chris. “Now, you, Colfer, owe me an explanation.”_

_“I do?” Chris’ eyes furrowed together._

_“Yes. I want to know about this phase you mentioned earlier,” Chris blushed and bit his lip. “Did Chris Colfer have a straight phase?”_

_Chris then recounted when he decided to try being straight. He was humiliated by having to tell the story, but he didn’t mind because he had Darren messing with his hair as he told his story. It wasn’t nice. It wasn’t wonderful. It wasn’t even amazing._

_It was perfect._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well….that was a long chapter. Originally, I was going to have more and just finish the filming of Original Song, but I decided to be mean and just give you part of it! Haha, hope you liked this one. It was a lot of fun to write Darren and Chris fluff again.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This take place from the filming of Original Song! Yay!

“I’ve missed this, Colfer,” Lauren smiled as took a sip of her Diet Coke from where she sat on the couch. The two of them had decided to stop talking about Darren and watch a movie. So, of course, they decided to watch Harry Potter.

“I’ve missed it too, Lopez,” Chris threw her a slight smile.

“Hey,” Lauren had nudged him with her elbow. “I know you’re still sad. And I know just the thing to wash away that sadness,”

“And what would that be?”

“Watch as many Harry Potter movies as we can and stuff our faces with junk food.” Chris had agreed quickly and they had gotten food from the kitchen and brought it back to the living room.

“That sounds fun, but you can’t give me crap when people start dying and I started sobbing like a baby,”

“Hey, I’ll be right there with you buddy,” Chris smiled and then walked over to his DVD shelf and pulled off the first movie.

***

They were just started the second movie when Chris felt his phone vibrating in his pocket. He reached in and grabbed it. He pulled it out and raised his eyebrow at the screen and felt his mouth go dry as he read who was calling him.

“Darren’s calling me,” He breathed out and Lauren gave him a look.

“Seriously?” Chris nodded and Lauren leaped for the remote and quickly paused the movie. “Answer it,”

“What do I say?!”

“Wait until he says why he’s calling,”

“But what if Ryan told him about the kiss and he wants to talk about that. I don’t think I’ll be able to do that, Lauren,”

“Just answer the phone, Chris, it’ll be fine.” Chris stared at her for a moment and she just gave him an encouraging look and he clicked ‘Answer’ and pressed the phone to his ear.

“H-Hey, Darren,” Chris said, trying to sound fine. Lauren placed a hand on his knee and threw him a sympathetic look.

“Hey, Chris,” Chris held his breath, waiting for Darren to speak again. “What’s up?”

“I’m hanging out with Lauren,”

“Lopez?” Chris nodded, but then realized that Darren couldn’t see him, so he cleared his throat and answered.

“Yeah, she came over after I got home from set,”

“Well, tell her I said hi,”

“Darren said hi,” Lauren smiled a little.

“Tell him I said hi back,”

“She said hi back,” Chris said. “So…um why were you calling?”

“I just wanted to make sure you were alright,” Chris froze. “You seemed a little…off today.”

“I…um,” Chris cleared his throat again. “I’m fine. I just didn’t get much sleep last night and I was a little tired,”

“Oh,” Chris could hear it in his tone that he didn’t believe him. He just prayed that Darren wouldn’t question him any more. “Well, I guess I’ll talk to you later. Have fun with Lauren,” Chris let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

“Alright. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Chris said, voice somewhat normal. “Bye Darren,”

“Bye Chris,” Chris sighed as he hung up to phone and rested his head on the back of the couch.

“You wanna talk about it?” Chris shook his head.

“Just play the movie.” Lauren nodded and grabbed the remote and started the movie up again, casting concerning glances at her old friend every now and then. She knew he wasn’t okay. She knew that he was well aware of the fact he wasn’t okay. But he wasn’t going to do anything to make it better.

That was when Lauren decided to interfere with Darren and Chris’ relationship, yet again. But this time, she wouldn’t be drunk when she told Darren what she knew.

***

 Lauren waited impatiently after she knocked on the familiar door. She sighed in frustration and was about to just walk back to her car and call Darren later when the door was yanked open.

“Lauren? What are you doing here?”

“Hi, Joey,” Lauren said and walked past him and into the apartment. “Is Darren here?” She looked back at him and he threw her a confused look, but nodded anyway.

“He’s in his room working on songs for Starship. Why?”

“Tell you later-“ Lauren said, walking towards Darren’s room.

“Does it have to do with Chris?” Lauren stopped and turned back around to stare at her friend. “Look. I’m not an idiot. I know they still love each other. Darren was upset for weeks until Chris decided to try being friends again. It’s only a matter of time before they get back together. I even bet Chris that they would get back together before season 3 of Glee.”

Lauren laughed a little. “A little backwards, Joey. I’m supposed to bet Chris and you bet Darren,”

“Well, then I guess you’ll have to go and bet him right now,”

“Maybe I will,” Lauren smiled a little. “But first, I have to knock some sense into his head,” Joey laughed.

“Have fun with that,”

***

Darren sat, notebook sitting in front of him, guitar on his lap. He was strumming mindlessly, hoping that something would come to him and he would end up writing at least one song for the show Matt and Nick wrote. He jumped a little when the door to his room flew open and he saw one of his best friends.

“Lauren? What the hell! I could have been naked,”

“Nothing I haven’t seen,” Lauren waved him off and placed her purse on Darren’s desk.

“Aren’t you supposed to be at Chris’?” Darren questioned, eyebrows furrowing together.

“I was. We finished our Harry Potter marathon-“

“You had a Harry Potter marathon without me?!” Darren pouted. “Some friends you are,”

“I assure you, Criss, if you would’ve been there, it would have been incredibly awkward,”

“Why?” Darren smirked. “Were you two talking about me?” He teased and Lauren bit her lip and looked out his window. “Wait! You were talking about me?” Lauren nodded a little.

“One of the reasons Colfer called me out of the blue and wanted me to come over,” Lauren sat down on Darren’s bed and leaned against his headboard. “I know he’s going to get mad at me for telling you this, but it’s for his own good,”

“Is he okay?” Lauren shook her head. “I knew something was off!” Darren placed his guitar against the bed and turned towards her. “What’s wrong with him?”

“Well, he called me earlier today, and asked me to come over after he was done filming,” Lauren sighed. “He just sounded so sad. But he wouldn’t tell me what was wrong. So, I went to his apartment and when I got there, he just started sobbing. I was guessing it had to do with you, and I was right,”

“Shit!” Darren groaned and repeatedly hit his head against the wall. “What did I do now?”

“That’s what I asked,” Darren sent her a glare. “But he told me that it technically wasn’t your fault.”

“Then why was he crying,”

“Ryan Murphy talked to him today and told him that your characters were going to get together in the next episode and he wanted to make sure that Chris was okay with…kissing you,”

“And he’s not,”

“He said he thought he would be able to handle it, but now he knows he won’t be able to.” Lauren sighed. “I told him that it was obvious that the two of you still had feelings for each other, but…he just started talking about how he couldn’t date you again. He said that he had a feeling that you two would break up again and he didn’t want that-“

“B-but what if we didn’t break up?” Lauren’s eyes widened. “What?”

“You do realize that you just admitted to me that you still love him,”

“I didn’t say that-“

“Yes, but you implied it!” Lauren grinned and hugged Darren tightly. “My boys are going to get back together!” Darren sighed and pulled away from her.

“That’s probably not going to happen. “He’s more closed off than he was before,”

“I know that, but he told me he wants to be happy again. I mentioned how happy he was when he told me you two were dating. I told him that I wanted him to be happy like that again and he said he wanted to be too. Please talk to him, Darren. He still loves you,”

“I-“

“Think back to when you first told anybody, most likely Joey, about your relationship.” Lauren exclaimed. “Don’t you want to be able to tell everybody that you’re dating Chris Colfer again?!”

“Of course…but I-“

“Get some balls and tell him you still love him!”

“Lauren-“

“I just want you two to be happy,”

“Maybe we’d be happier if we both just moved on,”

“No. Okay, no. You two were the best couple I know. You can’t just waste that, Darren,”

“We had our shot together and we blew it,”

“You just didn’t know what you were doing-“

“It was only a year ago,” Lauren stood up and glared.

“I don’t care how long ago it was. You two were in love and you still are! You’ve both grown up a little and I know you two can take the heat,” Darren just ignored her and grabbed his guitar and started strumming again. “Darren!”

“Look, I just need some time to think. Can you just leave me alone?” Lauren rolled her eyes and grabbed her purse.

“Fine, but I hope you know that you’re being an asshole right now,”

“Lauren-“ Darren sighed.

“I’ll talk to you later, Darren.” Lauren rolled her eyes and walked out of his bedroom and Darren just groaned, put his guitar against the bed and then leaned back into his pillows.

She was right. He was being an asshole.

***

_Darren sat on his and Joey’s couch, strumming his guitar happily. He was home alone at the moment and he was just waiting for Joey to get back from Dylan’s so he could tell him the good news._

_He was dating Chris. He was dating him. He was Chris Colfer’s boyfriend._

_Darren grinned again and continued to play some random song on his guitar. At one point, he had tried to stop smiling, because he felt like he was just adding to a cliché, but he couldn’t help it. So, he just stopped trying and continued to grin._

_“Hey, Darren!” Joey exclaimed as he entered through the front door. “Dude! This Hobo tried to attack me!”_

_“That sounds fun,” Darren said dreamily._

_“What the fuck is up with you?” Joey asked, eyebrow raised. “Dude, are you high?”_

_“What?” Darren asked, eyes wide. “No!”_

_“Darren…”_

_“I’m not lying, Richter, I’m just happy,”_

_“Why?”_

_“Because what Lauren told me the other night was true! Chris does like me!”_

_“Oh, well, I knew that,” Joey rolled his eyes and plopped down on the couch. “Are you two together now? Because if you are, I want my 10 bucks,” Darren rolled his eyes at his best friend, but the smile stayed painted on his face._

_“I’ll give you the money later,”_

_“Great, now why is he not still here, making out with you?”_

_“He’s at Lauren’s, but he’s coming back later,” Joey gave him a look. “What?”_

_“Stop smiling like that, dude, it’s creeping me out!” Darren laughed. “Now, please tell me how this happened,”_

_“Gladly,”_

***

“Hey Dare?” Dare was broken out of his thoughts when he looked up at his door and saw Joey standing there, with a concerned look. “You okay?”

“I don’t think so,”

“Wanna beer?” Darren nodded. “Alright, come on,”

“I don’t want to move,”

“Darren, come on. Let’s get you drunk. I think you need it right now,”

“I have to work tomorrow,”

“I promise I’ll get you lots of water so you won’t get that hungover,”

“Thanks, Joey,” Darren said as he stood up. Joey smiled and clapped him on the back as they walked towards the kitchen.

“That’s what best friends are for, buddy,”


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This take place from the filming of Original Song! Yay!

Chris yet another morning huddled over the toilet, releasing the contents that he had consumed while hanging out with Lauren. He knew he wasn’t sick. It was his damn anxiety again.

In all honesty, Chris was disappointed in himself that he didn’t think this would happen. He’s never been this anxious to go to work.

And it would only get worse, considering he wasn’t actually going to kiss Darren the same day they would get the script. The most they would do is probably record whatever songs they were doing.

Chris just hoped that he wouldn’t have to Darren that much today.

***

“Fuck you, Joey,”

“Well, good morning to you too, Darren,” Joey groaned. “Why are you waking me up? This is my time for sleeping, man!”

“Payback for you getting me drunk even though I told you I had to work tomorrow,” Darren hit his head on the wall. “I have a massive hangover,”

“Well, it might help to stop banging your head against the wall,” Darren sent him a glare.“No need to be harsh, Dare, I didn’t force the beer down your throat.”

“But you put the idea of alcohol in my head,”

“You should know by now that I’m a bad influence,” Darren chuckled. “You better get to work man, you’re going to be late,”

“Bye, Joey,”

“Bye,” Darren started walking out of Joey’s bedroom, but Joey called out to him.“Darren!”

“Yeah?” Darren asked, stopping and looking over his shoulder.

“Take Lauren’s advice and just talk to him,”

“Joey, I-“

“You two would be so much happier,”

“I’ll-I’ll think about it,” Joey smiled a little.

“See you when you get home, D,”

“See ya, Joey”

***

“We’re just waiting on Darren,” Adam Anders said and Chris nodded.

“I’m sure he’ll be here soon,”

“You’re correct,” Darren said as he stumbled in, fixing his beanie. “Sorry, woke up late,”

“Is that why you look like shit?” Chris asked, eyebrow raised and Darren just glared at him.

“Thanks, Chris,”

“No problem. I just love boosting people’s self esteems,” Darren chuckled and then Chris turned back towards Adam. “Now can you tell me what songs we’re recording?”

Adam chuckled. “Darren’s recording ‘Misery’ by Maroon 5-“

“Sweet,” Darren grinned.

“Chris, you’re performing ‘Blackbird’, by the Beatles,”

Chris nodded. “Ryan told me about that. Still freaking out,”

“Come on, Chris, you do amazing with Beatles songs,”

“I’ve done one other, Adam,” Adam smiled and shrugged.

“And then you’re both doing ‘Candles’, by Hey Monday .” Chris’ eyebrows furrowed together. “What? Do you not like that song?”

“No-no, I like it. I just-“ Chris cut himself off and walked over and grabbed his script that he had brought with him.  He flipped through it and when he got to the page he needed, he skimmed through it. “Seriously?”

“What?” Darren questioned.

“Kurt and Blaine’s first song together as a couple is a break-up song?” Chris gave Adam a pointed look.

“I know it sounds weird, but did you read the part where Blaine says he wants to go for something a little more emotional?” Chris sighed.

“Emotional doesn’t have to be break-up. It could just be a love song,”

“Well, in a way, this is one,” Chris rolled his eyes and Adam chuckled. “So, Chris, we’ll start with ‘Blackbird’,”

“Alright,”

***

Walking out of the studio with Darren, Chris felt as though he was hiding his emotions well. Darren hadn’t given him a questioning look at all and hadn’t asked if he was okay. He called his progress.

They walked out into the sunshine and Darren groaned. “Okay, what’s up with you?” Darren groaned again and rested his hand on his head.

“Joey got me drunk last night and I have a hangover,” Darren exclaimed and Chris’ lips formed an ‘O’ shape.

“That explains a lot,” Darren glared at Chris and Chris simply rolled his eyes.“I’m just saying, that I should’ve realized it sooner. I did take care of you whenever you had a hangover,” Darren smiled a little. “Somehow I found it cute when you were being a whiny little baby,”

“Hey!” Darren exclaimed and groaned. “Shit, my head hurts,”

“How about I nurse you back to health?” Darren raised n eyebrow at him. “You can come back to my apartment and we can watch Disney movies. I know Joey probably won’t help with the headache. He’ll probably make you start drinking again, telling you it will help.”

“That actually does help,”

“Yeah, helps make it worse,” Darren rolled his eyes. “So, you in?”

“Sure,” Chris smiled. “I’ll meet you at your apartment?”

“Okay, see you in a few,” Chris said and walked over to his car and he climbed in.

***

They were about a half an hour into the movie, Darren’s headache gone, when Darren finally spoke.

“Chris?” Darren asked, looking over at Chris, who was on the other side of the couch.

“Hmm?”

“Can I talk to you about something?” Chris sighed.

“Darren, if you go on another rant about the second Mulan movie-“

“No, this isn’t about Mulan, or any other Disney movie,” Chris was clearly puzzled, so he reached over, grabbed the remote and paused the movie.

“What’s it about?”

“Well…um, last night, Lauren stopped by after she left here,” Chris’ eyes widened and his breath hitched in his throat. He just prayed that Lauren didn’t mention anything that happened yesterday. “And she told me something…”

“Oh, dear God,” Chris breathed out, face paling. “She didn’t.” He kept his eyes locked on the paused TV screen.

“Chris-“

“She told you.” Chris said. “I should’ve seen this coming,”

“Chris, come on. She is the reason why we got together,”

“Yeah, but this conversation isn’t going to end with us kissing, it’s going to end up with me being incredibly embarrassed,” Chris snapped. “Sure, I don’t think I remember telling her not to tell you, but pretty sure that type of thing goes without being said.”

“Chris, she was only trying to help,”

“I don’t need her help! I’m a big boy! I can take care of myself!”

“Chris-“

“I’m happy! I don’t get why she thinks I’m not!” Chris exclaimed. “I’m not the same kid that moved to Michigan all those years ago! I’ve grown up!”

“We know you have!” Darren exclaimed. “All of us do!”

“Then why can’t you guys just leave me alone?!” Chris exploded and he stood up, glaring down at Darren. “Joey and Lauren won’t stop bugging me about you and I’m tired of it!”

“Wait, they’re bugging you too?” Darren asked with wide eyes and Chris raised his eyebrow.

“Why do you think me and Lauren had a Harry Potter marathon? I was tired of talking to her about you.” Darren’s eyes softened and he stood up. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“You still love me,” It wasn’t a question, but Chris answered it like one.

“N-no I don’t,” Chris said, looking down, cheeks heating up.

“Chris…” Darren took a step towards him and looked him dead in the eye. “Look me in the eye and tell me you don’t love me,”

“I-I-” Chris started, eyes wide and welling up with tears. “Darren, don’t-“

“We can go back to the movie, and I’ll stop bugging you, if you tell me right now that you don’t love me,”

“I-I just did.”

“Yes, but you didn’t look me in the eye.”

“Darren, stop-“

“Chris, I need to know,”

“Please,” Chris looked at him, tears dripping down his face. “Please don’t make me say it. I’m already embarrassed enough as it is,”

“This is something that I have been thinking about every day since you left. It’s going t drive me crazy if I don’t know-“

“Fine!” Chris exclaimed. “I still love you!” Darren looked at him in shock. “I hate that I still love you! I hate that you came to L.A. and got the role of Blaine!  I was almost over you, you asshole! I had finally stopped thinking about you every day!” Chris wrapped his arms around himself, hoping the carpet would just swallow him up. “But then you showed up again,”

“Chris-“

“I shouldn’t have dated you. I knew it would kick me in the ass somehow. I should’ve just went along, being alone. I would’ve been fine. Did it 4 years, I could’ve done it for 4 more,” Chris squeezed his eyes shut and he opened them again, only to have tears pour out of them. “I shouldn’t have gotten involved with you or Lauren or Jaime-“ Chris was cut off by Darren surging forward and pressing their lips together.

Chris felt his eyes flutter close and before he knew it, he was actually kissing Darren back. In his head, he was screaming at himself to stop. He was telling himself that this was only going to make things worse.

But his heart was screaming at him to wrap his arms around Darren’s neck and pull him closer.

His heart ended up winning the argument.

Darren’s hands were on his waist now and he was pulling him closer. It felt amazing to be kissing Darren again. It felt amazing to finally admit that he still loved Darren.

“I still love you, too,” Chris’s eyes snapped open and he continued to let Darren kiss down his neck.. What? “I was just hoping Joey and Lauren were right about you still loving me,” Chris let his eyes flutter shut at the sensation and one of his hands found Darren’s hair, encouraging the older man to continue.

It felt amazing to hear Darren say he loved him again.

“Bedroom,” Chris’ eyes opened again and then he realized that he had been the one to say that. Darren stopped what he was doing and looked up at Chris in shock.

“W-what?”

“Bedroom,” Chris muttered again, looking at Darren with half-lidded eyes.

“Are-are you sure, Chris?” Chris was silent for a moment. Was he sure? Or was he just saying this because he wanted Darren back?

“Yes,” Chris whispered. “I’m sure,” Darren nodded and Chris pulled himself away, grabbing Darren’s hand and pulling him towards his bedroom.

Chris didn’t even think about how mad he would be at himself in the morning.

Darren drove all those thoughts away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don’t worry, whoever said in the poll on Tumblr that they didn’t want them to get back together until Glee Live! This will only result in Chris pushing Darren further away.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This take place from the filming of Original Song! Yay!

Chris awoke to a slight weight on his side and his duvet resting on his hip. He wiggled a little and his eyes widened when he realized that he was naked. And just like that, the events form last night flooded his mind.

Darren.

He held his breath and looked over at the other side of his bed and caught sight of a sleeping Darren Criss.

What had he done?

He carefully moved his arm and picked up Darren’s arm and placed it down on the bed, before slowly crawling out of bed. He pulled on his boxers and then quietly made his way out to the living room. He smiled a little when he spotted his cat looking at him from his spot on the couch.

“Hey, Brian,” Chris said softly and walked over and noticed that the TV was still on. He turned off the DVD player and then the TV. He glanced at the clock and sighed when he saw it was 3:47 in the morning. He always had problems sleeping.

He glanced over at the couch and chuckled a little as Brian looked at him with wide eyes. He walked over and scratched his head before he squeezed himself onto the couch, careful not to disturb Brian, and he lay down. He stared at the now blank TV screen and sighed.

What did he get himself into?

He felt fur against his chest and he looked down to see Brian walking towards him. Brian laid down beside Chris on the couch and starting purring as Chris scratched his ears.

“Oh, Brian,” Chris said, tears falling out of his eyes. “Why did I do that?” Silence filled the room again except for Brian’s purrs and Chris’ sighs.

***

Darren awoke to sunlight streaming in from the window. He had a mini heart attack when he didn’t recognize the walls that surrounded him.

Then he remembered.

Chris.

They had slept together last night.

Chris still loved him.

Chris-

Wait, where was Chris?

Darren leaned up, holding himself steady with his elbows and looked around the room. He sighed, threw the covers off of him, and found his underwear before making his way out to the living room.

He rubbed at his eyes and then looked around, smirking a little when he saw Chris fast asleep with a cat cuddled up against him. Darren walked over to him and kneeled on the floor in front of the couch and started shaking Chris lightly.

“Chris,” Darren said softly. “You need to get up. We have to get to work,” Chris’ eyes snapped open and he gasped a little when he saw Darren staring at him. “Hey, calm down, it’s just me,” Chris just stared at him with wide eyes and then he quickly looked away and sat up. He ran a hand through his hair and looked around. “Hey, Chris, are you okay?” Chris shook his head as he nudged the cat.

“Brian, food,” The cat’s eyes snapped open and the cat quickly got up and off of the couch and ran towards the kitchen. Chris got up and followed him, Darren hot on his heels.

“Chris, what’s wrong?” Darren asked as Chris put some cat food into the bowl and placed it back on the ground so Brian could eat it.

“Just leave it, Darren,”

“You regret it,” Darren stated after a moment of confusion. “You regret sleeping with me,”

“Dare, I-“

“I should’ve known that you would go through with it and then run away, just like always,” Chris spun around, facing his kitchen counter, gripping it tightly. “You told me loved me last night. And now you regret everything?”

“Darren,” Chris said softly. “You don’t understand.”

“I understand perfectly, Chris,” Darren spat and Chris flinched. “You don’t want to get hurt,” Darren gritted his teeth and glared at Chris’ back. “Yet, you don’t fucking care about how I feel about any of this! It’s all about whether or not you’ll get hurt! It doesn’t matter that you’re hurting me, does it?!”

“How dare you?!” Chris exclaimed, turning back around. “I do care about your feelings! Joey told me about how hurt you were when I left and I don’t want to hurt you again!” Chris wiped quickly at his eyes.

“I can take care of myself, Chris!”

“I know you can! But I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I hurt you again!” They locked eyes, fire in both pairs. Darren’s eyes flickered to Chris’ lips and before either of them knew it, they were kissing again.

They only broke apart when they heard a loud meow from behind them. Chris panted slightly and couldn’t help the small smile that tugged at his lips as Darren pressed their foreheads together. “I should head back to my apartment,”

Chris’ eyes glanced down at Darren’s lips and he quickly looked back into Darren’s eyes. “Right.” Darren smirked a little and then pressed their lips together again.

“We can talk about this-“ Darren gestured between the two of them. “Later,” Chris nodded.

***

Chris decided that he wasn’t going to tell anybody about what happened with Darren until they both figured out what it meant. He was still a little pissed that Lauren had told Darren anyway, and he didn’t want anything to get out again. Lauren would tell all of the Starkids and if he told Lea, Ashley, or Amber, all of the Glee cast would know.

So he just decided not to mention it.

***

_Thanks a lot._

**What do you mean? And are you feeling better today?**

**Chris?**

**Chris!**

**What the hell are we talking about?!**

_I have to work now, Lopez._

**Why are you being so harsh?**

**Shit…**

**Chris! I’m sorry! I just want you to be happy.**

***

Chris was so glad that the table read was done. He didn’t think he could take the questioning looks that Ashley was giving him every 5 minutes. It had caused him to sit there, squirming in his seat, swallowing the lump in his throat as he listened t everybody read their lines.

“Hey, Colfer,” Ashley smirked. “Have something to tell me?” Chris forced a smile and shrugged.

“I’m afraid I have no idea what you mean,”

“Bull shit, Chris,” Chris pretended to look confused.

“What are we talking about?”

“You have a secret-“ Ashley was cut off by Chris’ phone starting to vibrate in his hand. He looked down at it and grinned in relief.

“I have to take this, we’ll talk later,”

“Damn right we will!”

Chris quickly walked away, answering the phone as he went, to make it look realistic. “Figured you needed some help,” Chris bit his lip as he heard the voice on the other line.

“Thank you, Darren,”

“You’re welcome…” Darren cleared his throat. “Now, do you think we could talk?”

“Um…sure…do you want to get some food and talk in my trailer,”

“That works,” Darren said and Chris smiled a little. “I’ll see you in a few,”

“Thank you, Dare,”

“It’s what-“ Darren stopped himself. “You’re welcome.”


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This take place from the filming of Original Song! Yay!

10 minutes later found Chris and Darren sneaking into Chris’ trailer, undetected. Chris let out a sigh when he shut the door and locked it, knowing that if his cast members found out about all of this, they would just barge in and demand answers.

Chris walked over and sat down on his couch, smiling softly at Darren when he sat beside him. Chris placed some of his food on his small coffee table in front of him. He took a bite of his sandwich and stayed silent, hoping that Darren would speak first.

When he finally did speak, Chris never expected Darren’s voice to be so quiet.

“Do you regret it?” Chris looked up at him, shock evident on his face.

“I-what?”

“Do you honestly regret it? I just want to know,” Darren sounded a little more confident this time.

“I-I-“ Chris drew in a deep breath. “I don’t.” Darren’s eyes widened. “I regret not thinking things through though.”

“What do you mean?”

“I should’ve thought about the consequences before I jumped into bed with you.” Darren smirked a little. “Now…now we have to figure out what’s going on with us-“

“I didn’t realize there was that much to figure out,” Darren’s eyebrows furrowed.

“Darren, we don’t know what we are. We should’ve defined the relationship before we slept together.”

“I kind of thought us saying that we still loved each other was kind of a  _defining_ moment,” Chris sighed and leaned back on the couch. “I think this goes unsaid, but I really want us to get back together,” Chris bit his lip. “You were one of the best things to ever happen to me, and I know you feel the same way because you told me not so long ago,”

“People change,” Chris muttered and Darren gave him a look.

“It’s only been a year,”

“A lot can happen in a year,”

“Stop trying to think of reasons to not try again, Chris. We could be so much happier,”

“Darren, we could be happier, but I’m thinking about more than just happiness. I’m thinking of what we could do to each other. We could hurt each other again and again and we would end up just keep going along with the relationship. Ignore the problem,”

“Ignore the problem? Chris, you’re ignoring the problem right now.” Chris raised an eyebrow. “The problem is that you won’t open up enough to let me in again.”

“Darren-“

“You need to be honest with me and yourself.” Chris blinked. “Do you still love me?” Chris sighed and he looked down at his lap.

 “You already know that I do,”

“Then what’s the problem?” Chris’ eyes flickered up and met Darren’s. “One day, you’re going to look back and kick yourself for not taking a risk. You’re going to regret not giving us a second try,” Darren sighed. “I think I’m going to go have lunch with some of the Warblers instead,” Darren went to get up, but Chris reached out and grabbed his arm.

“Darren, wait,” Chris said softly and Darren gave him a confused and shocked look. Chris was silent and when he spoke, it was barely audible. “Do you still love me?” Darren’s eyes softened and he nodded, scooting closer to Chris on the couch.

“Of course, I do.” Chris stared at him with large blue eyes and Darren smiled a little. “I love you so much and I just want to make you happy again,” Chris was silent again and then he leaned in, closer to Darren.

“I want that too,” Chris whispered and then pressed their mouths together. Darren smiled into the kiss and wrapped his arms around Chris’ waist.

***

Chris was lying on Darren and Joey’s couch with his head on Darren’s lap as they watched a random TV show. He was toying with a small hole in the couch as Darren chuckled at whatever sitcom played along in the background.

Chris bit his lip as he remembered how familiar this couch still was. He knew that if you flipped the left cushion, you would find an old ketchup stain. He knew that if you looked along the back of the couch, you would see a large tear in the fabric. He also knew that if you fell asleep on this couch, you would definitely, without question; wake up with a kink in your neck.

He remembered very clearly how much he loved this couch the day he and Darren got together.

***

_Chris knocked on the door and waited patiently as he adjusted his hoodie. The door was tugged open and Chris smiled as he saw Darren in the doorway. “Hey, Dare,”_

_“Hey, Chris,” Darren smiled softly and stepped to the side so Chris could enter the apartment. Chris raised an eyebrow as Darren didn’t say anything else and walked into the living room and sat down on the couch. Chris followed him and then sunk into the couch beside him. Chris took off his jacket and laid it over the arm of the couch before looking over at Darren._

_“So, um, sorry, I missed the party last night,” Chris said, looking around at the many cups that littered the room. “Seemed like it was a lot of fun,”_

_“Um, yeah, it was,” Chris gave him another look and then turned to face him._

_“Okay, what’s up? Why are you acting so weird?” Darren leaned back into the couch and Chris gave him a stern look. “Seriously, why did you invite me over here?”_

_“I-I just had a question for you,”_

_Chris stared at him with a shock expression plastered on his face. “Couldn’t you just text me?”_

_“This is really important.” Darren sighed once again and Chris was itching with curiosity. “Lauren, she um, said something to me last night and I just wanted to know if it was true,”_

_“What did she say?”_

_“That you liked me…as more than a friend,” Chris’ eyes widened in shock._

_“I-I don’t know why she said that,” Chris forced a tiny laugh. “Was she drunk?”_

_“Well, yes,” Darren said, staring at Chris with patient eyes. “But, people say that while drunk, you usually tell the truth.”_

_“Well, people are wrong or Lauren just thinks it’s true,” Chris said, looking down at his hands that he was wringing together in his lap._

_“So, you don’t like me?” Chris shook his head. “Really?”_

_“Really. You’re just my friend,”_

_Darren smirked a little. “So, if, hypothetically, I told you right this very second that I had feelings for you, you would simply tell me that you don’t feel the same way,” Chris’ head snapped up. “Hypothetically, of course,”_

_“Right,” Chris said quietly and then cleared his throat and straightened a little. “If you said that you had feelings for me right now,_ hypothetically,  _I would tell you that I don’t feel the same and that I was sorry,”_

_Chris felt as if Darren was looking right through him, because he had that little smug smile of his tugging at his lips._

_“Really?” Chris nodded again. “So, then, if I were to,_  hypothetically _-” Darren scooted closer to Chris on the couch. “-scoot over and then lean in and_ kiss _you, you would just shove me off of you?” Chris’s eyes flickered to Darren’s lips that were only a few centimeters away from his own._

_“Of course…wouldn’t want to l-lead you on,” Chris stammered out and Darren chuckled softly before leaning in and pressing his lips to Chris’, waiting just a moment before connecting their lips so Chris could stop him if he wanted him to._

_But he didn’t and Chris just watched with wide eyes as Darren Criss kissed him._

_Chris let his eyes flutter shut and before he knew it, one of his hands was on Darren’s shoulder, holding him place. Chris suddenly remembered what they had just been talking about and he pulled back, staring at Darren with an uncertainty in his eyes, one that Darren clearly saw._  

_“I like you Chris, as in more than a friend,” Darren whispered and Chris blinked, feeling the familiar sting of his tears building up in the back of his eyes._

_“Are we still talking hypothetical?” Chris said and Darren almost didn’t hear him. Darren’s eyes widened and he quickly shook his head._

_“No, Chris, I honestly like you. Have since I met you,”_

_“Really?” Chris breathed, a ghost of a smile playing at his lips._

_Darren nodded. “Of course. I was so happy when Lauren let it slip that you had feelings for me. That’s why I invited you over here so early, even though I’m incredibly hungover and my head is pounding,” Chris chuckled._

_“Remind me to get Lauren a thank you card,” Darren snorted. “Did you take something for your headache? Did it make you feel any better?” Chris gave him a concerned look and Darren simply smiled and nodded, pulling Chris closer to him as he leaned back into the couch._

_“I did take something for the headache and it had only worked a little, but now that you’re here, I feel much better,”_

_“Wow,” Chris laughed. “That was incredibly cheesy,”_

_“Better get used to it, Colfer,” Chris laughed again and Darren leaned in and kissed him again._

_“You know,” Chris said as he pulled away from Darren, resting a hand on his chest. “as embarrassing as this is, you were my first kiss,” Darren’s eyes widened._

_“Seriously?” Chris nodded. “Chris, I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have just kissed you-“_

_“Darren, did it seem like I hated it?” Chris’ bright blue eyes twinkled with mirth. “I was glad you kissed me. I would’ve never had the guts to tell you how I felt,”_

_Darren kissed Chris’ forehead softly. “Glad I could give you a little push,” Chris rolled his eyes._

_“Shut up,”_

***

_A few hours later, it was around 11 pm and Darren, Chris, and Joey were all watching the 3 rd Harry Potter movie. Joey got up off of the recliner he had occupied and waved at Chris and Darren, who were snuggled up on the couch._

_“I’m gonna hit the hay,” Joey said, stretching a little, letting out a tiny yawn. “I’ll talk to you two tomorrow,”_

_“Night Joey,” The boyfriend chorused, looking back at the screen after Joey walked out._

_“Hey Chris?”_

_“Hmm?” Chris hummed into Darren’s chest._

_“Do you just want to stay here tonight?” Chris adjusted so he was looking up at Darren, eyes wide.”No-“ Darren said, eyes wide when he realized what Chris thought he meant. “Just sleeping,” Chris let out a breath in relief. “We can finish this movie and then we can go into my room and just sleep,”_

_Chris smiled and then nodded. “That sounds great. I like it a lot better here than my dorm,” Darren chuckled._

_“I know you do,” Darren and Chris shared another smile before looking back at the screen._

***

_Why did his neck hurt so much? Chris let out a groan and his eyes snap open at the pain his neck. He looks around, obviously confused, but once he recognizes his surroundings, he realizes that he’s on Darren and Joey’s couch._

_The events of yesterday flood back into his mind and Chris automatically grins as he looks down and sees Darren still sleeping, holding him tightly._

_He could get used to this._

***

“Chris?” Chris’ head snapped up, staring at Darren as he glanced down at him, concerned. “You okay? You kind of blanked out on me,” Chris hurriedly sat up and brought his legs up to his chest, feeling his chest ache.

He couldn’t have a panic attack right now. He was just starting to feel happy again.

“Chris?” Darren asked and scooted towards him, placing a hand on his back as Chris started to shake. “What’s wrong?” Chris stared at the TV, trying to calm himself down. He felt Darren’s eyes on him and out of the corner of his eyes, he could see recognition spark in his eyes. “You’re having a panic attack,” Chris nodded slowly, still shaking. Tears leaked out of his eyes and he tried so hard to calm himself down.

Usually, he was able to calm himself down if he knew why the panic attack started.

But he had no idea what was going on with himself.

***

It took Chris a half hour to find out what was wrong with him and why he was having a panic attack. All through that half hour, Darren continued to rub his back soothingly and whisper words into Chris’ ear. Chris was confused because whenever Darren did this while he was having his panic attacks, he would instantly feel a little better.

But it was getting worse.

Which is what made everything click.

It was Darren.

At this revelation, Chris’ eyes began to water even more. Darren had never caused a panic attack. Why was this happening? Why was he panicking because of Darren? He was finally happy with him again…right?

A voice in the back of his head answered his many questions for him:

_You’re not ready to be with him again. You need more time._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was stuck on this chapter. I had no idea what to write. But then I got on a roll, and then it got even better when alittledizzy messaged me and told me that she was waiting for me to finish my story because she didn’t read WIPs. I still literally feel as though it was a dream.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This take place from the filming of Original Song! Yay!

Chris had stopped shaking but he was still crying. He stared straight ahead, hoping that Darren would just give him some time to think up what he needed to say to Darren.

He knew that he would hurt him in the process, but if he’s having panic attacks just lying here with Darren, he needed to be selfish and get himself together. He was a mess and he was the only one that could clean himself up. Darren couldn’t help him like he used to.

“Chris?” Chris blinked and looked over at Darren who had a worried expression etched on his face. “Do you feel any better?” Chris bit his lip and shook his head, still not knowing how he was going to tell Darren that he just needed time. “Hey, why are you crying?”

_Because I’m sabotaging my happiness again._

“Do you want me to get you some water?” Chris shook his head, more tears streaming down his face.

“I’m fine,”

“I don’t believe you,” Darren said delicately. “You’re crying, Colfer,”

“I’m sorry,”

“Why are you sorry?” Darren asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Because I can’t do this,” Chris said and his eyes widened. He hadn’t meant to say that. It had just slipped out.

“What can’t you do?” Darren asked but Chris could tell that he knew exactly what Chris meant.

“This,” Chris said, gesturing between them. “I don’t think I’m ready. I don’t think I would be ready for any relationship. It’s not just you,”

Darren stayed silent as he pulled himself away from Chris. He turned towards the TV and then grabbed the remote, flicking the TV off.  “Darren, maybe we can just try again in a few months, when I’m completely ready,” Chris ran a hand through his hair. “It’s not you. I’m really happy being with you again, Dare-“

“That’s exactly why you just had a panic attack,” Darren snapped and Chris looked at him with apologetic eyes.

“Darren-“ Darren stood up and started walking down the hallway, but then he turned back.

“Could you please just leave?” Chris wiped at his eyes and Darren stared directly into them. “It doesn’t have to be right now-you can calm down first, but could you just leave when you feel better,”

“Darren-“ Chris was cut off by Darren walking down the hall and into what Chris assumed was his room. Chris broke down crying again as he heard the door slam shut. “I’m sorry,” Chris whispered to the empty room.

***

  _“Okay, something’s up with you,” Darren said the moment Chris opened the door to his dorm. Chris thanked God that his roommate was out with some whore, he didn’t want that douche bag to hear about his personal life._

_“Well, hello to you too,” Chris said sarcastically and walked back over to his bed and flopped down, watching from the corner of his eye as Darren walked in, shut the door, and then walked over to stand over him._

_“Seriously, why are you being so cold lately?” Darren asked and Chris just continued to stare at his ceiling. “Did I do something wrong?” Chris was silent and Darren glared down at him. “This is not how relationships work, Chris!”_

_Chris said up all of a sudden and Darren stared at him, waiting. “Well, I wouldn’t know how a relationship works, now would I, Darren?!”_

_“Chris…” Darren started, eyes softening._

_“Why don’t you just break up with me and go find someone who knows_ exactly _how relationships work?!” Chris exclaimed and then he realized what he said. He flopped back down onto his back and then turned and faced the wall, bringing his arms up to his chest, willing himself not to cry._

_Darren watched his boyfriend as he wrapped his arms around himself. He had never seen Chris look so…tiny. And he felt horrible because Chris was obviously doubting himself and Darren was off thinking that Chris was just angry at him for some unknown reason._

_It was like Chris was mad at himself and not Darren._

_Darren sighed and sat on the edge of Chris’ bed.”Chris…we’ve talked about this,” Chris sniffled and Darren frowned as Chris continued to stare at the wall. “Come on, Chris, I don’t know what you want from me.”_

_“I want what I said.” Darren gave him a confused look and Chris obviously sensed this so he elaborated. “I want you to just break up with me,”_

_“Chris, why do you want that?” Darren asked.”Do you honestly want me to break up with you?”_

_“Of course not. I just want to do it before I get in too deep,” Darren’s eyebrows furrowed._

_“What makes you think that I’m going to break up with you?”_

_“Because you’re Darren.” Chris said. “Everybody knows you,”_

_“Your point?”_

_“One day, what if you finally realize that I’m_ not _good enough for you and you just dump me. I don’t think I’ll be able to handle that, so might as well just break up with me now,”_

_“Chris, I’m not just going to break up with you out of nowhere. I love you,” Chris turned a little so he was staring at Darren. Darren’s eyes went big when he realized what he said._

_“Y-you love me?” Chris stuttered._

_“I-I didn’t mean for that to come out like-I had a whole plan about how to tell you-“ Chris reached up, placed hand on the back of his neck and pulled Darren’s face down so their lips could meet. Darren adjusted himself so he was half lying on Chris. Chris pulled apart and breathed deeply as he looked at Darren._

_“I love you too,” Darren smiled and kissed his forehead before adjusting so he was holding Chris tightly._

_“Please don’t ever doubt yourself again. I love you and I don’t know why you think that you’re not good enough for me. It’s no secret that you’re out of my league.” Chris smiled a little, but Darren could tell it was a little forced. “What’s wrong?”_

_“Why do you love me? I’m a mess,”_

_“I love you because you’re perfectly imperfect and you’re as messed up as I am,” Chris turned a little to look at him and he smiled._

_“I don’t know if that’s true,”_

_“Chris, I was in a Harry Potter musical,” Chris chuckled and Darren smiled as the sound vibrated against his neck._

_“Fair point,”_

_“Hey, Chris?” Darren said after a moment._

_“Yeah?”_

_“I love you,”_

_“I love you too,”_

***

Darren was now lying on his bed, having heard Chris leave about an hour ago and all he could think about was that night when he and Chris first told each other they loved each other.

They were both messes, but when they were together, they usually seemed a little more…clean.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This take place from the filming of Original Song! Yay!

“What’s up with Chris?” Lea questioned as she walked up to Naya and Heather. “He seems really…off today and he hasn’t said anything to anybody,”

“Mark said it had to do with Darren,” Naya explained and then shrugged. “I guess it would make sense,”

“I said hi to him this morning and he just kind of waved to me and walked into his trailer. I haven’t talked to him since,”

“Well, has anybody talked to Darren?” Lea questioned and the other two girls looked at each other and then shook their heads.

“Nobody has mentioned anything,”

Lea frowned and then looked over to where Darren sat, eating his lunch and obviously not listening to the conversation that was going on around him. She told Naya and Heather that she would be back and then got up and stalked over to where Darren was. She plopped down next to him and smiled when he looked up.

“Could I talk to you?”

“About what?” Lea glanced at Cory, Matt, and Mark and they seemed to get it as they stood up and walked off.

“I think you know,” Lea said sympathetically. “You and Chris have been weird all day,” Lea noticed Darren flinch a little at the name and sighed. “See, now I know something’s up because you flinched when I said his name,”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,”

“Listen, Darren, you and I have been close since we did Blame it on the Alcohol. And I’ve been close with Chris since the Pilot. You can tell me,”

“You know, Lea, I just don’t want to talk about it,” Darren looked down at his food, sighed, and then looked back up. “I’m sorry. That was rude. I’m just having a bad day,”

“It’s fine,” Lea smiled slightly. “I shouldn’t have tried to pry. I’m just worried about you and Chris. You two have been dancing around each other ever since you got here and I’m just worried that one of you is going to get seriously hurt,”

Darren nodded and plastered a fake smile on his face. “Well, it seems as though that’s already happened, so no need to worry anymore, Lea,” Lea blinked at him and he got up. “I’m going to go look over my lines before I shoot a scene. I’ll talk to you later,”

“Darren-“ She called after him but he was already walking out of the room.

***

“Are you two alright?” Chris and Darren both looked up and saw Ryan Murphy giving them a weird look. “You look a little…down,” They were getting ready to shoot the ‘Blackbird’ scene and Darren and Chris were sitting by each other awkwardly, waiting for direction.

“We’re fine,” Chris lied and smiled at Ryan. “We just feel a little awkward about the scenes were doing later on,”

“Are you going to be able to do them?”

“Of course,” Darren answered this time. “We’re not going to let our personal relationship ruin our acting relationship.” Ryan smiled.

“Good.” He said something about shooting the scene and then he walked off to go and talk to the director.

“Darren,” Chris whispered. “Can we talk?”

“I’d rather not, thanks,” Darren said harshly and Chris automatically felt guilty. Not only was he the one to hurt Darren, but he acted this way to him when he first showed up here and now he knew how it must’ve felt like for Darren to be ignored.

“Darren, I just want to be friends. I want to eventually get back together-“

“We _were_ back together,” Darren hissed and Chris looked down. “And I don’t think I can be friends with you. I finally understand what you mean by it hurts too much,” He started to walk away, but Chris quickly grabbed his forearm.

“Darren, please, I just need time,”

“I don’t think I can give you that, Chris! I don’t think I can just sit around and wait for you, knowing that when you eventually come back, you’ll end up breaking my heart again. I’m not going to wait around anymore, Chris. I’m done with you,” Darren said and stalked over to where the other Warblers were at, greeting them as if nothing happened.

“Oh, great, Chris!” Chris looked up and blinked as the director walked over to him. “You’re already getting into character,” Chris was confused, but then he realized that in the next scene, he needed to be crying.

“Oh, yeah, you know me!” Chris joked and then forced a smile. “Where do you want me?”

***

“Look, Lea, I’m exhausted and I just want to go home,” Chris sighed and picked up his pace so Lea wouldn’t follow him anymore, but she just jogged after him.

“Chris, I don’t care. I just want to know why you’re so quiet,”

“I didn’t get any sleep last night,” The excuse was quick because he had been repeating it all day. “Plus, you know how I get with emotional scenes. They wear me out,”

“Chris, stop bottling things up!” Lea exclaimed and Chris looked at her in shock and then continued to walk.

“I don’t know what you mean,”

“Stop hiding things from everybody!”

“I’m not!”

“Christopher Paul Colfer! You need to stop closing yourself off! One day you’re going to push everybody away and then you’ll be alone!”

Chris blinked back tears and drew in a shaky breath. “We can help you Chris! But you won’t let us in!”

“I won’t let people in because I’m better off alone! Everybody here knows how it was for me in high school! I was fine with being alone! I’m better off alone!” Chris exclaimed and he felt many pairs of eyes on him. “I close myself off because if I open myself up I end up getting hurt!”

“Well, you’re hurting other people in the process,”

“You think I don’t know that?!” Chris exploded. “People keep trying to be my friend and I close myself off, but I still manage to hurt them!” Lea’s eyes softened and she reached out to touch Chris’ shoulder, but he stepped away from her. “I know I hurt people, Lea! I honestly do! People don’t need to keep reminding me!” Chris’ eyes flickered around and he met Darren’s. He sniffled and then broke eye contact as he stomped off to his trailer, ignoring all of the people calling after him.

Maybe he shouldn’t have come out to L.A. Maybe he shouldn’t have even gone to Michigan. Maybe he should’ve stayed in Clovis, where he couldn’t hurt anybody. Where nobody could hurt him.

 


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This take place from the filming of Original Song! Yay!

_Chris boarded the plane and quickly found his seat. He sighed in relief when he found it. He placed his carryon bag in the overhead compartment and then he sat down and looked out the window._

_He was leaving Michigan. He was heading back to California, but not Clovis, L.A._

_He felt his phone vibrating and he pulled it out and bit his lip as he read the screen._

**_Good luck, Chris. I hope you know that I am happy for you and that I don’t hate you.  I wish you would’ve said goodbye._ **

**_-D_ **

_Chris sucked in a breath and willed himself not to cry. He couldn’t cry. There were people all around him. He was always proud of his abilities to hold back tears in public. He had to do it a million times in high school._

_He went back to staring out the window and he leaned his head against his seat. He knows he should’ve said goodbye, but he also knew that if even went around Darren to tell him goodbye, he would end up staying._

_Chris needed to do this. He needed to live his life._

_He needed to learn how to be independent again._

_Chris blinked as tears fell from his eyes. He read the message one last time before he shut his phone off and put it back into his pocket._

_This was for his and Darren’s own good._

_This was so they could both move on._

***

_Darren took a deep breath and walked into his and Chris’ bedroom. He was expecting to see his boyfriend (ex-boyfriend?) sitting on the bed, waiting to talk. But all he saw on the bed was a piece of paper._

_Darren’s eyebrows furrowed and he walked over to the piece of paper and picked it up. He noticed that it was crinkled slightly as if water had spilt on it. He recognized the handwriting immediately and began reading._

**_Dear DC,_ **

**_You’ll hate me after reading this letter. Which is one reason why I decided to write it. I couldn’t handle telling you in person and maybe it’s for the best that you hate me. It’ll be easier for both of us._ **

**_I love you, Darren, you know I do. But I needed to leave. I need to learn how to be by myself again. I was too dependent on you and the rest of the Starkids. I need to learn how to be the Old Chris, even though it’s the easy way out._ **

**_I took the job on ‘Glee’. I’ve packed all my stuff and by the time you read this, I’ll be on a plane to L.A. I know that I should‘ve told_ ** _**you but I knew that if I did, you would somehow convince me to stay. This is something I need to do.**_

**_I need to be closer to my family. I miss them. Plus, I need to learn to live on my own and take care of myself._ **

**_I don’t know what we are. I don’t know if it went as an unsaid breakup after you walked out the other day, I don’t know if you were going to come back and try to fix things, but I do know that I can’t do this. I don’t think I could handle a long distance relationship. I don’t think I could handle being with you, but not actually being with you._ **

**_I’m so sorry, Darren. I’m sorry that I left without a goodbye. I’m sorry that I took this job. I’m sorry that I didn’t come back to work it out._ **

**_Maybe we’ll see each other again someday. Maybe we won’t._ **

**_Just promise me that you won’t forget about me, no matter how much of an asshole I’m being right now._ **

**_I love you, Dare. I’ve loved you since I saw you perform. And I’ll probably love you until I die. You were my first kiss, my first time, my first boyfriend, and my first love._ **

**_I won’t forget that and I hope you won’t forget it either._ **

**_Love,_ **

**_Chris_ **

_Darren watched as his tears hit the piece of paper. This couldn’t be happening. Chris couldn’t just leave, could he?_

_Darren rushed over to their closet and yanked the door open. He let out a tiny sob as he looked through the closet, finding only his clothes and nothing of Chris’. Darren shut the closet door and then slid down it, sitting on the ground as he let out another cry. He brought his legs up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them, burying his face into his knees._  

_He stayed like that until he heard Joey come home. Joey was shouting out to him, but Darren couldn’t find his voice. He heard footsteps and looked up when he heard the door open. Joey had a smile on his face but then it turned into a frown when he saw his friend with tears falling down his cheek._

_“Darren…what happened?” Darren nodded towards the bed, where to letter sat and Joey walked over and picked it up. His eyes scanned over it and then he placed it back on the bed before walking over and sitting next to Darren, hugging him. “I’m sorry man,”_

_“He’s gone!” Darren sobbed and Joey patted his back._

_“I know, Darren, just let it out,”_

_And so he did._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter, I know, but I didn't want to add more to it or else it would ruin the whole next chapter.


	27. Chapter 27

When Darren got home, he walked in to see Jaime, Joey, and Joe Walker sitting on the couch, laughing. Darren attempted to sneak past them, knowing he would be the best company, but Jaime caught him.

“Darren!” She exclaimed. “The big shot is back!” Darren turned around and forced a smile.

“Hey, J,” She grinned and got up, hugging him tightly. He hugged her back and then hugged Joe. “I didn’t realize you were coming over,”

“They just showed up!” Joey laughed and Darren nodded, fake smiling once again. Joey obviously noticed this and frowned. “Hey, man, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Darren lied. “I’m just really tired. We filmed a lot today,” Joey seemed to buy it and Darren faked a yawn. “I would really love to stay and chat with you, but I don’t think I’d be the best company,” Jaime and Joe nodded.

“That’s fine, D,” Jaime rubbed his arm. “Go get some sleep, we might still be here when you wake up,”

“I hope so,” Darren smiled. “I’ve missed you too,”

“We’ve missed you too, Darren,” Joe clapped him on the back. “Now, go get some sleep.” Darren nodded and gave them a thumbs up before stalking off to his room.

***

“He’s not tired,” Joey commented as he leaned his head back on the couch. “Something’s seriously up with him,”

“What do you mean?” Joe questioned, him and Jaime sitting back down.

“Something happened with Chris in the last few days. He was happy when I called him the other day and then when I got home, he was lying on his bed, doing nothing.”

“What do you think happened between them?”

“I don’t know…” Joey sighed. “It’s almost like they admitted they still loved each other and then took it back in the same day. Lauren said that Chris won’t answer her calls either,”

“Do you have his address?” Jaime asked. “Maybe he might talk if I just show up on his doorstep.”

Joey shook his head. “I don’t, but I know Lauren does. You might want to text her,” Jaime nodded and pulled out her phone and typed a quick message to Lauren.

***

The doorbell rang throughout the apartment and Chris got up hurriedly. He grabbed the cash he had pulled out and walked to the front door, expecting to see the pizza delivery guy on the other side.

But, when he pulled the door open, he saw one of his old best friends.

“J-Jaime?”

“Hiya, Christopher!” Jaime grinned. “It’s great to see you!” Chris opened the door wider and stepped to the side.

“I wasn’t expecting this, but please, come in,” Jaime smiled and nodded as she walked inside. Chris shut the door and then turned back towards her. “W-What are you doing here?”

“Walker and I are in town and we’ve been visiting everybody. We stopped at Joey’s and Darren’s-“ Chris flinched. “-and Joey mentioned talking with you and I got your address from Lauren,”

“You didn’t get it from Darren?” Chris asked, arms crossing over his chest as he raised an eyebrow.

“Um…Darren didn’t really visit with us much. He walked into the apartment, hugged us, lied and told us he was tired, and then went into his room,” Jaime looked at Chris, hoping his features would give some sort of hint, and they did. Chris had concern filled in his eyes and he looked almost guilty. “You look…sad…and a little guilty. What happened between you two?”

Chris crossed his arms over his chest and looked away from her. “I don’t want to talk about it,”

“Christopher,” Jaime said sternly and he glared at her. She was the only one that still called him Christopher outside of his family. He had no idea why she did it, but after they became close, it became her thing. “You tell me the truth,”

“Look, it’s a long story,”

“Well, I’m in L.A. for a long time,” Jaime countered and Chris looked at her in shock. “You two are some of my best friends and I hate that you’re not talking,”

“I never said we weren’t talking-“

“You didn’t have to.” Jaime said and she ran a hand through her hair. “I know that you and Lauren have known each other longer, but I can read people better than she can. I know that the two of you aren’t talking. You wouldn’t look this sad if you were communicating somehow.”

“How do you know that?”

“You didn’t even look this sad when you saw him dancing with the slut at one of our parties. You’re miserable,”

“Jaime, I-“ He was cut off by someone knocking on the door. He clutched the money that was still in his hand. “Pizza,” He muttered and moved back towards the door. He smiled politely at the pizza delivery guy and handed the guy his money in exchange for the pizza. “Keep the change,” Chris said and smiled one last time before shutting the door. He walked past Jaime with the pizza and walked into the kitchen.

Jaime followed him with a sigh. She knew something was up. She knew they weren’t talking. She knew that something had happened between them and they were both bottling it up.

“You tell me now, Christopher Colfer!” Jaime exclaimed as she watched Chris grab a paper plate. She looked at him with sad eyes and she immediately felt guilty for getting angry at him.

“Fine, I’ll tell you…everything. Do you want some pizza?”

“Sure, thanks,” Jaime said and walked to stand across from him. She pulled a stool out and sat down at the island. He got her a plate of pizza and then he stood across from her.

“I guess I’ll should start with when I left Michigan.” Jaime’s eyes widened because she had no idea it went back this far. “I’m going to be completely honest,” Jaime nodded. “Please, promise that you won’t mention this to anybody. There are some parts that nobody but Darren knows,” Jaime nodded.

“I promise.”

“Okay…well, I thought that Darren was going to break up with me after our fight, so I…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m so sorry that this took so long. As a lot of you know, I’ve been dealing with a lot of drama. But it’s better now!


	28. Chapter 28

“Y-You slept with him?!” Jaime spluttered and Chris blushed a dark red. “Oh my god! When was this?!”

“A few days ago…It all happened so fast.”

“Tell me exactly what happened!” Jaime squealed and Chris smiled a little.

“He had a hangover, and so we recorded our songs and then I invited him over-“

“He always did tell everybody about how you were his cure to a hangover,” Chris smiled sadly. “What happened next?”

“Lauren had told him what I told her,” Jaime nodded, recalling earlier parts of his story. “He wanted to know if I still loved him. I don’t remember much. I said a lot of things. I know I was crying and I was in the middle of talking when he just grabbed me and kissed me.”

“Aww,”

“-Then he told me he still loves me and then we started kissing again and well…” Jaime smiled. “I tried hard to close myself up again, but he wouldn’t let me,” Chris sighed. “We…kind of got back together,”

“No way!” Jaime exclaimed with a grin and then it faltered. “What happened?”

“We were watching TV over at his and Joey’s apartment and I started thinking about when we dated before and I just started crying and shaking.”

“You had a panic attack?”Jaime asked, eyes wide with shock and concern.

Chris nodded. “Darren knew what was happening so he tried to help me, but he wasn’t helping.”

“What do you mean?”

“He sat there, rubbing my back and telling me that I was okay, but it didn’t work like it usually does. It just got worse.” Chris ran a hand through his hair. “I hated to admit it, but Darren was the cause of my panic attack,”

“Did he do something to you?” Jaime asked, in a dark, threatening voice coming out.

“No,” Chris bit his lip. “I just wasn’t ready to,”

“And you’re still not?” Chris nodded.

“I don’t know when I’ll be ready to be with him again, but I have a feeling he’ll have moved on by then.” Chris shrugged, as if it was nothing and Jaime frowned.

“That boy will never move on from you. He fucking loves you,”

“For now. After what I did to him, he probably hates me.”

“Christopher…”

“Look, J, I know that you’re trying to help me and be there for me, but I’m not in the mood right now…” Jaime reached across the counter and grabbed his hand.

“Well, you know I’ll be here when you are in the mood to talk about this. And I won’t tell anybody,”

“Thank you,” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay….really short chapter and I’m sorry. But I just had the best idea for the next chapter. It would make better since if it started at a new chapter though! Sorry guys. New chapter will be up soon! I promise! :)


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter will be a little different. The italics will be a flashback, but not from when Chris and Darren were dating. It will only be from a few hours before.

“HOW DID THIS GET TURNED ONTO ME?!”

“BECAUSE YOU’RE DOING THIS JUST TO GET BACK AT ME!”

“IT’S PR, CHRIS!”

“YOU’RE SUCH A FUCKING LIAR!”

“I AM NOT LYING!”

“OH REALLY?!” Chris shouted, anger flaring within him. “THEN WHY DID YOU JUST TELL EVERYBODY THAT YOU WERE STRAIGHT AND THEN SHOWED UP WITH SOME GIRL AT THE EVENT?!”

“PR, CHRIS!”

“BULLSHIT!” Chris growled. “YOU’RE ‘NOT INTO LABELS’!” Chris put air quotes around the last 3 words. “WHY WOULD YOU COME OUT AS STRAIGHT?!” Chris’ eyes darkened and he took a step away from Darren. “UNLESS YOU ARE STRAIGHT AND I WAS NOTHING BUT A PHASE!”

“SHUT UP!” Darren screamed and Chris flinched. “NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT YOU!” Chris blinked back tears and Darren groaned. “Please, don’t start crying,” Chris looked away from him and wiped at his eyes.

“I’m not crying,” It was silent for a long time and then, when Chris looked back at Darren, he was only a few centimeters away from him. Darren’s deep hazel eyes locked with his blue glaze eyes.

“You know you weren’t a phase. If it were some sort of phase, it would be quite a long one, considering that I’m still in love with you,” Chris’ eyes softened as Darren put his hands up in surrender and then backed away. “But I know how you feel about me now,”

Chris choked back a sob. “Dare, I just need time-“

“But I don’t want time. I want you now!”

“I’m just not ready!”

“I know that! But who’s to say you’ll ever be ready?!” Darren even looked a little shocked that he had just said that.

Chris sniffed and thought back when this horrible night had began.

***

_“I do believe that I have the hottest date here,” Ashley winked at Chris and he chuckled._

_“No, Ash, I believe that’s me,” Ashley laughed and they walked over and sat down at the table that Lea and Dianna were already occupying. “Well, don’t you ladies look gorgeous?” Chris smirked and Lea and Dianna smiled at him. They thanked him and then the two of them complimented him and Ashley. Then they dove right into the Lea and Cory chat._

_They were nearing the end of the event and Chris was honestly glad. He was tired and he just wanted to go home and sleep._

_He was about to tell his friends that he was leaving, but he was interrupted._

_“Who’s that with Darren?” Chris looked at Dianna and she nodded to the other side of the room where Darren was chatting with Mark, a tall brunette at his side._

_“I don’t recognize her,” Lea commented, looking at Chris, obviously concerned._

_“Neither have I,” Chris’ nose crinkled. “Wonder who she is.” He couldn’t fight the feeling that he had seen her before._

_For a little while longer, Chris tried to focus in on the girls’ conversation, but his eyes kept wandering over to where Darren was laughing with the unknown girl._

_“Chris, you’re stressing yourself out,” Ashley said softly and he looked away from Darren and back at her. “She’s probably just an old friend,”_

_“I know all of his old friends. She’s not one of them,” Chris said bitterly and Ashley grabbed his hand and squeezed it._

_“Well, I guess you’re about to find out exactly who she is,” Chris gave her a weird look._

_“What?”_

_“He’s coming this way,” His eyes widened and he stopped himself from whipping around and staring at an approaching Darren._

_“Hey, guys!” Darren chirped and Chris nonchalantly turned around. “You all look great,” The three girls chorused their thank yous and Chris just kept his eyes locked on Darren._

_“So, Darren, who’s this?” Chris asked, forcing a smile._

_“Oh, this is Mia, she-“_

_“I’m his girlfriend,” Mia grinned and stuck out her hand for Chris to shake. Chris politely shook it and gritted his teeth together as he smiled._

_“Oh, are you?” Chris asked, releasing her hand and raising an eyebrow at her. “How exactly did you two meet?”_

_“Oh!” Mia giggled. “Darebear and I met in college. We dated for a few weeks, and we recently reconnected,”_

_Everything seemed to click._

_She was the girl Darren had been dancing with at that party. She was the reason Chris hadn’t talked to Darren for a few weeks. She was the reason he closed himself off again._

_And now, here she was, back again._

_“How great!” Chris forced out and then stood up. “You know, I’m pretty tired,” Chris grabbed his jacket from off the back of his chair and shrugged it on. “I’m going to head out,” Chris turned towards the girls. “See you Monday,” They all nodded, wide eyed as he turned to Mia. “Really great to meet you.” His eyes flickered to Darren and Darren looked down guilty. “I think you two are just a_ precious _couple.” Chris plastered a smile on his face and then walked out of the room._

_He shouldn’t be upset. Darren’s not his anymore. He probably will never be his again._

***

**_I didn’t know if you knew…but I just saw an interview that Darren did. He was asked if he was gay like Blaine or if he was straight. He said he was straight._ **

**_Just thought you should know. Hope you’re holding up alright,_ **

**_Love,_ **

**_Jaime_ **

_Chris threw his phone on his bed and went to go grab his pajamas so he could change and promptly fall into bed, but someone at the door had different plans._

_Chris groaned and trudged to the front door, shrugging his jacket as he went and laying it on the back of the couch. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair before opening the door. He snorted when he opened the door._

_“Just the person I wanted to yell at,” Chris snipped and Darren raised an eyebrow._

_“Yell at me? Why would you yell at me?” Chris rolled his eyes.“What?”_

_“Seriously? You don’t have any idea why I would be mad at you? Why I would want to yell at you?”_

_“Is this about Mia? Because I can totally explain-“_

_“Can you? And can you also explain why Jaime just texted me and told me that she watched an interview where you came out as straight,” Chris smirked as Darren’s eyes widened. “Please explain how telling me you love me is being straight,”_

_“Chris, it was my manager-“ Chris rolled his eyes and turned around, walking back into his living room. He heard the front door shut and then he heard footsteps following him. “I’m not dating Mia! I don’t even remember her!”_

_Chris turned round and snorted. “Well, I do,”_

_“What are you talking about?”_

_“I remember her from college. I remember sitting in the corner during a party, waiting for you to show up. And when you finally did, she was there, clutching onto you for dear life,” Chris spat._

_“I don’t remember that-“ Darren’s eyes flickered in realization. “Wait a second, was that when you just stopped talking to me?” Chris nodded. “It was because I showed up with her?”_

_“I was head over heels for you Darren. I honestly thought that I had a chance with you and then you show up with her.” Chris let out a humorless laugh. “Déjà vu, isn’t it?” He went to turn around again, but Darren grabbed his arm and tugged him back._

_“You’re not just walking away from me. I’m not done!”_

_“Well I am!” Chris exclaimed._

_“How am I the bad guy, Chris?! You’re the one who decided to rip my heart out!”_

_“I DIDN’T WANT TO! I WASN’T READY!” Chris burst and Darren looked at him in shock. “NOW I FEEL LIKE YOU’RE JUST DOING THIS FOR REVENGE! TO MAKE ME FEEL LIKE SHIT LIKE YOU DID THREE YEARS AGO!”_

***

“I can’t wait around for you forever, Chris,” Darren said softly. “I need to move on,”

“Then what are you waiting for? Move on.” Chris said, voice faltering. “Just forget about me and I’ll try to forget you,”

“Chris, you know it’s not that easy-“

“But neither is this!” Chris quickly wiped at his eyes. “When we were dating, we _never_ got into fights! And now, we’re not even dating and we can’t stop yelling at each other!” Chris sniffled again. “We’re just too different, now. We changed too much. If we got back together, it’d be a disaster.”

“We don’t know that, Chris! It could be even better than before!”

“I can’t risk it. You’re right. You need to move on, and so do I,” Chris sighed. “If I don’t move on now, I might never move on. I can’t be dependent on you anymore,”

“Chris-“

“I am the bad guy. I’m overreacting. If you want to come out as straight and date a pretty girl, that’s your choice,”

“It’s not my choice! It’s all PR!”

Chris gave him a look. “Why can’t you be ‘straight’ and single?”

“Because my manger thinks that the fans will begin to pick up on our chemistry and think we’re dating,”

“Is your manger a homophobic or something?”

“No, he’s just a dick,” Chris laughed a little and Darren smiled. “And I’m sorry about everything that I’ve said. And I’m also sorry that I haven’t been talking to you lately. I was angry at you. And me because I handled the whole situation badly.” Chris ran a hand through his hair.

“Well, thank you, and I’m sorry that I hurt you like I did. I really do love you and I want to be with you, but I just…need time,”

“And I’ll give that to you,” Darren said with a slight smile and a nod.

“Really?” Chris looked at him in shock. “B-But you just said you were going to move on.

“I know, but that’s unrealistic. I love you so damn much,”

“I could be a completely different person from a year ago,”

“Well, then I’ll talk my time getting to know you again, as a friend, and if we end up getting back together, good for us, if not,” Darren just shrugged. “I’m willing to wait.”

Chris stared at him, eyes fuzzy with tears. “Why? Why are you willing to wait for me?” 

“Because I love you,” Darren said, as if it was nothing. “I know I’ve said a lot about moving on and not being able to wait, but I was lying. I don’t think I could move on from you even if I tried.”

Chris blinked and then spoke what had been on his mind for years. “Why do you love me? I’m me…and you’re you.” Darren looked at him for a moment and then sighed. Chris bit his lip and sat down on his couch. Darren did so as well and leaned his elbows on his knees.

“I’m just thinking of how many times I’ve answered that question,”

“If you’re going to be with me, you should know that I’m going to still ask you.” Chris wiped at his eyes. “I don’t think I’ll ever understand it,”

“Understand what?”

“How someone like you could love someone like me,” Chris said softly, and if Darren hadn’t been paying close attention, he wouldn’t have heard it.

“Have I ever told you the moment I realized that I was incredibly attracted to you?” Chris looked at him and shook his head. “Well, you better sit back and listen, because it’s quite the tale…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not gonna lie. This chapter was all over the place.


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is back to normal. Flashbacks are from their college days! Sorry if the last chapter was confusing!

_Darren always got a rush when he did a performance. Especially when he was with his friends on the stage, performing songs he wrote._

_It gave him a huge confidence boost when he heard everybody laugh at the jokes Nick and Matt wrote or someone improvised. It felt proud of his theater family. They had finally managed to put on this performance of the silly parody of Harry Potter. It felt_ amazing.

_The first act of the second night went incredibly well. He had noticed that a lot of people had returned from the night before, holding signs that read some of the casts’ names, including his own. It was like they had their own personal fanbase._

_Darren walked out onto the stage and was about to ask AJ a question, but Lauren shouted something at him from the empty auditorium._ _“Darren!” Darren turned around, smile on his face as he looked at Lauren. It brightened a little when he saw the guy standing near Lauren. He was gorgeous._

_He had chestnut brown hair and pale skin. His eyes were crinkled a little as he smiled at Lauren and Darren felt a weird swoop in his stomach. He had to remind himself that he was talking to Lauren at the moment._

_“What?”_

_“Try not to fuck up on ‘Not Alone’!” Lauren smirked and Darren glared at her._

_“I won’t! I wrote it!”_

_“You fuck up on all the songs you write!” Darren pouted at his friend and then stuck out his tongue._

_“Shut up,” Darren rolled his eyes playfully and turned back to AJ, talking to him about the change that he had made in ‘Not Alone’. He heard someone else walk out and he turned and saw Walker standing near the edge of the stage. He started talking to Lauren, telling her they needed to rehearse for their scene. Darren took this time to look away from AJ and over at the mysterious guy that Lauren seemed to be friends with._

_Lauren told Walker that she would be there in a minute, and then turned back to her friend. Darren kept his ears strained and listened intently._

_“I’ll introduce you to everyone after the show, okay?” Darren grinned as he heard the boy’s response._

_“Okay,”_

_He was going to meet this guy._

***

_Darren was hurrying to find a few of his old roommates when he ran into someone. Darren quickly reached out to steady the guy he had ran into and smiled apologetically. “Sorry,” Darren said and then looked up, nearly forgetting how to breathe._

_It was Lauren’s friend._

_“No, it’s fine, it was my fault,” Darren shook his head and smiled at the guy._

_“I’m still sorry.” Darren let go of the boy “You’re Lauren’s friend, right?” Smooth, Criss, real smooth._

_“Yeah…” Chris seemed a little uneasy and Darren prayed that it wasn’t because of him._

_“I’m Darren,” Darren stuck out his hand and Chris hurriedly shook it, as if in a hurry to be somewhere else._

_“Chris,”_

_“How’d you know my last name?” Darren asked with a confused expression. How did this guy know his last name? Had Lauren mentioned it?_

_“What?” Chris asked, giving Darren a weird look._

_“My name’s Darren Criss,”_

_“Well, my name is Chris Colfer,” Darren laughed a little._

_“That’s funny,” Chris smiled at him, though it seemed a little fake to Darren._

_“Sure is,” Chris’ smile faltered and his eyes widened a little bit “Listen, it was great meeting you and you did a fantastic job, but I need to get going,” He said and rushed past Darren and down the hallway, hurrying towards the exit._

_“Aren’t you supposed to be meeting Lauren?” Darren called after him, eyebrows knitted together in confusion._

_“Tell her I said I’m sorry!” Chris called back and ran out of the building._

_Darren stared after him, puzzled. Was Chris okay? Should he go after him? Why did Darren seem to care so much?_

***

“After that, I couldn’t stop thinking about you,” Darren glanced at Chris, wondering if he was actually listening to him, or if he was tuning him out at this point, but Chris seemed to be hanging on his every word.  “Then, when we started talking at that party, I realized that I had feelings for you, deep feelings.” Darren smiled a little. “That night, after I got back home, I just lay in my bed and realized that I finally understood love at first sight. I finally understood how it felt to love somebody so quickly.”

It was silent for a few moments, but then Chris spoke quietly. “R-Really?” He stammered out and Darren met his eyes and he nodded, frowning when he saw the tears in Chris’ eyes.

“Yes,” Darren breathed and reached up, wiping the tears off of Chris’ cheek. “Why are you crying?”

“Because I didn’t know that you had feelings for me so quickly.” Chris smiled and chuckled. “I kind of wish Lauren would’ve said something sooner,” Darren laughed slightly and Chris sighed before taking Darren’s hand and squeezing it tightly. “I will be ready, Dare, I just don’t know when.”

Darren nodded and leaned over and kissed Chris’ forehead. “And I’ll be here waiting until you are,” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter took so long! I just wasn't that happy with it!


	31. Chapter 31

Chris awoke to a strong arm wrapped around his waist. His eyes fluttered open and he took in his surroundings. He recognized his living room and he was lying on his couch, but he wasn’t alone. He turned his head slightly and noticed that Darren was lying on his side, sound asleep, arm still around Chris.

Chris remembered what had happened last night. He didn’t remember everything that was said, but he remembered shouting…a lot of shouting. But he liked how it ended. Darren had told him that he would wait for Chris.

They had ended up watching some random TLC shows and ended up falling asleep on the couch. It had been a better night than he had first thought it would be when he saw Mia with Darren.

Chris grabbed his phone off the coffee table and groaned when he realized it was like 3 in the morning. He quickly set an alarm on his phone, to make sure the two of them weren’t late for work, and then snuggled back into Darren, smiling softly when he felt Darren hold him tighter.

It reminded him of the time they had their first time and how the whole topic came up.

***

_“CHRIS! CHRISTOPHER!” Chris stumbled a little when a very drunk Lauren draped herself over him. “CHRISSY!” Lauren giggled. “Chris!” She exclaimed and Chris laughed, causing his best friend to pout at him. “Why are you laughing at me?”_

_“Because you are_ insanely _drunk, right now,” Lauren’s frown quickly turned into a smile before she started laughing again._

 _“I_ am _drunk!” Lauren exclaimed. “Chris! You should get drunk!”_

_“No, thanks, Lauren. I’m great with sitting here watching you guys get drunk,” Chris laughed._

_“Fine, but will you at least play a game with us?”_

_“Depends on what game,”_

_“We’re going to play Never Have I Ever,”_

_“Lauren, I’m not drinking,”_

_“Relax, we’ll just give you water and yo can act like it’s Vodka,” Lauren giggled. “It’ll be our little secret!”_

_Chris rolled his eyes, but got up, supporting Lauren. “Alright, fine, let’s play,”_

_“CHRIS IS GOING TO PLAY THE GAME WITH US!!” She shouted and  series of cheers were heard from several different rooms and then, all of a sudden, people were gathered around in the living room, shot glasses ready, a cup of water out of Chris._

_Chris was leaning against Darren, who was, of course, drunk. They had gone through many, many rounds, before it got bad._

_“Never have I e-ever,” Jaime slurred. “Slept with someone,” Everybody but Jaime and Chris drank and Chris tried to ignore the sick feeling he got when Darren took his shot._

_“Never have I ever done it with a guy,” Walker said and all of the girls, except Jaime, and Darren and Joey drank._

_“That reminds me what I was going to say a while ago!” Joey exclaimed. “Never have I ever called my significant other, a prude,” Chris raised an eyebrow. Okay, that one seemed like it was one person in particular. Chris looked around and h felt his heart shatter when he saw Darren trying to hide the fact that he was taking a shot._

_“Darren?” Chris asked softly and Darren looked at him with an apologetic expression._

_“I said it once,”_

_“About me?” Chris whispered out and Darren nodded._

_“Yeah, but, I’ve said it about a few girls too,” Chris stared at him in shock. “You know, if it makes you feel better,” Darren’s eyes darkened and Chris quickly stood up. “Chris-“_

_“I gotta get back to my dorm,” Chris glared at Darren. “Us prudes have early bedtimes.”_

_“Baby-“_

_Chris ignored him as he walked into the pouring rain. He wasn’t going to cry. He couldn’t._

_Luckily, the rain disguised his tears and he felt as though he wasn’t crying. He was fooling himself and the outside world._

***

_Chris awoke around 3 in the morning with a throbbing headache. His nose was plugged up and it was hard to breathe. He cursed himself for walking out in the rain and not immediately changing when he got back to his dorm._

_Chris moved off his bed and quickly went to his closet and pulled out his pajamas before peeling off his damp clothes and replacing them with dry, warm clothes._

_He trudged back over to his bed, blinking tiredly, before collapsing, pulling the covers over his body._

_He was woken up seven hours later to a ringing. He blindly reached for his phone and stared at it. He groaned when he saw it was Lauren. He answered it and then pressed it to his ear. “Hello?”_

_“Hey, Chris,” Lauren said and Chris could practically see the sympathetic smile on her face. “I was just wondering if you wanted to meet up for coffee,”_

_“I would love too, but I feel like shit,”_

_“Look, Darren’s an idiot-“_

_“It’s not about Darren,” Chris sniffed. “I walked all the way home last night and it was pouring down rain, so I have a huge cold. I’m miserable.”_

_“I’m sorry sweetie,” Lauren sighed. “How about we get coffee when you feel all better?”_

_“Sound great,”_

_“I’ll text you later to see how you’re feeling,”_

_“Thanks Lauren,” Chris hung up the phone and within a few minutes, he was asleep again._

***

_He groaned when he heard a loud knock on the door. He was glad his roommate was gone because he knew that that douchebag would be yelling at him to get it._

_Chris slowly got up and made his way over to the door, figuring his day couldn’t get any worse. But, when he reluctantly tugged the door open to see Darren standing there with a bag and apologetic smile on his face, Chris hated himself for jinxing._

_“How are you feeling?”_

_“Crappy,” Chris muttered and walked back over to his bed, hearing Darren shut the door and follow him. “Lauren tell you I’m sick?”_

_“Yeah,” Darren sighed, running a hand through his long, curly hair. “Chris, this is all my fault,”_

_“Damn right it is,” Darren sighed and sat down across from Chris._

_“Look, Chris, when I said you were a prude, it was just after you rejected me, claiming you were like a baby animal when it came to sex, and Joey got me drunk”_

_“And you just let him know that you hated dating me because I don’t put out?”_

_“I never said that, okay,” Chris rolled his eyes and let out a cough. “I love dating you, I just think that you shouldn’t be so uncomfortable with sex,”_

_“Well, you’re not me, so it doesn’t matter what you think I should and shouldn’t feel uncomfortable with. I told you that I’ll let you know when I’m ready,”_

_“Look, that came out wrong,”_

_“You think?” Chris asked sarcastically and Darren sighed._

_“Chris, I love you and I respect your decision to wait. Honestly, I wish that you would’ve been my first. You’re first time is supposed to be special, and it wasn’t. I never knew why, but  now I think it as to do with the fact that you weren’t the one I lost it to,” Chris’ eyes widened. “I love you so much and I’m sorry for calling you a prude-“ Darren was cut off by Chris leaning forward and hugging him tightly._

_“No one’s…no one’s ever said anything that sweet to me before,” Chris whispered in his boyfriend’s ear. “God, you always know the right things to say,” Chris pulled away and his eyes flickered to Darren’s lips. “I would kiss you right now, but I don’t want to get you sick,”_

_“I don’t mind,” Darren smirked and Chris blushed slightly and chuckled before he leaned in. Chris was shocked when he let Darren press their lips together, remembering when he had watched some romantic comedy and saw that the girl was sick and letting the guy kiss her. After watching that movie, he swore he would never kiss anyone while sick._

_But he was in like 8 th grade, his past self was naïve._

_Darren pulled away and Chris smiled softly. “What’s in the bag?” He questioned, glancing down at the plastic bag that Darren had set down._

_“Oh!” Darren exclaimed. “I almost forgot!” Darren pulled the bag closer to him. “After Lauren told me you were wick, I felt really bad, so I made you soup and I brought tissues and medicine,” Chris gave him a look._

_“You didn’t have to do that,”_

_“Yes, I did,” Darren smirked. “Now, shut up so I can feed you soup,”_

***

**_Hey, Joey, could you do me a favor?_ **

**It depends, Colfer. What do you want from me?**

**_Do you think you could stay at someone’s house tonight…? Me and Darren have a date night and well…_ **

**Say no more. I’ll stay at Nick and Matt’s tonight.**

**_Just don’t tell Darren I told you this. I want it to be a surprise._ **

**Sure thing, buddy. Have fun tonight ;)**

**But please, keep it in Darren’s room.**

**_Joey!_ **

**What? I don’t want to know what you guys do and I don’t want it done all over my house.**

**_Shut up. Shut up now._ **

**Got it ;) I’ll talk to you later.**

**_Thank you, Joey._ **

**No problem. Just make sure you’re done by the time I get back tomorrow.**

**_Joey!_ **

***

_“So…” Chris said as he sat beside Darren on his bed. “Joey’s gone?”_

_Darren nodded. “Yeah, he said he said something about going over to Matt and Nick’s. Asked if we wanted to come, but I said this is our date night,” Darren smiled, placing a kiss on Chris’ cheek, causing him to blush slightly._

_“Well, that’s sweet thing to do,”_

_“Not really, I just wanted to spend some alone time with you,”_

_“Darren, we spend plenty of alone time together,”_

_“Not recently,”_

_“I was sick last week and you would stay at my dorm with me and we’d watch movies. That counts as alone time,”_

_“That was a_ week _ago,” Darren whined and Chris rolled his eyes. “We haven’t had alone time since.”_

_“Well, now we’re alone,” Chris scooted closer to him. “And I have a little bit of a surprise for you,”_

_“And what’s that?” Chris didn’t say anything, he simply responded by crashing their lips together. Darren let out a little gasp, but let Chris wrap his hand at the base of his neck. Darren wrapped his arms around Chris’ waist and pulled him closer._

_Darren let out another gasp when he felt Chris’ smooth hand on his stomach. He broke away from the kiss and looked at Chris in shock. “Chris…what are you doing?” Chris simply smiled and leaned down and started kissing Darren’s neck. “Chris, stop, what are you doing?” Chris stopped and pulled away, feeling tears well up in his eyes._

_Darren must not want him._

_“I-I was…Darren, I was trying to let you know…” Chris ran a hand through his hair. “I’m ready,”_

_“What do you mean-oh,” Darren’s eyes were wide in shock. “Are you sure?”_

_“I’ve thought about it a lot, and I’m sure,”_

_“Chris, is this just about me calling you a prude,”_

_“No!” Chris exclaimed quickly “I’ve been thinking about this a lot!” Darren simply stared at him. “Maybe this was a bad idea,” Darren reached out grabbed his hand before he could get up._

_“Chris, I was just shocked.” Darren said quietly, kissing him gently. “I want this. I want_ you _,”_

_“Really?” Darren nodded._

_“But I don’t want you to regret this,”_

_“I won’t,” Chris smiled. “Because it’s you,”_

***

_“Good morning,” Darren whispered into Chris’ ear as he spooned him. Chris snuggled closer to him and smiled, taking a deep breath._

_“Morning,”_

_“How are you feeling?”_

_“Perfect,” Chris muttered dreamily, causing his boyfriend to chuckle._

_“And you don’t regret it?”_

_“I could never,” Chris turned his head to smile at Darren. “Not when it’s you,”_

***

Sure, Chris felt like he shouldn’t have slept with Darren a few weeks ago, but he didn’t regret. He just regretted the timing.

He meant it. He would never regret it with Darren.

He would never regret anything with Darren…except maybe leaving him in Michigan.


End file.
